Indigo Insights

Monday, March 03, 2003


Yes, I know Bastille Day is not until July.. But who knows what may become of France by then? So in an early commemoration of July 14, 1789, I offer the following enigmatic queries:

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? --> No one knows. It's never been tried.
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? -->The French army.
FOR SALE: French rifles . . . never fired, only dropped once.
Why are French streets tree-lined? --> So the Germans can march in the shade.
How many gears does a French tank have? --> Five. Four reverse and one forward (in case of attack from behind).


Afghanistan Cruise
We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers promised to leave the country if George W. Bush became President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who want to keep their promise!

Attention: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue, David Gephin, Barbara Streisand, Pierre Salinger, and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq or take the Side Trip Special to Scenic North Korea. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended stay... at least four years... and you should consider the possibility of eight years. Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.

Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise director, Monica Lewinsky as recreation director, Ted Kennedy as lifeguard and emergency procedures director, Al Sharpton as Entertainment director and Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.

If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends, and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.

Bon Voyage!


>^..^< "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." --Bruce Graham
>^..^< "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." –Anonymous