Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Maybe It's Dog Week
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." ~~ Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." ~~ Mark Twain
"Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant." ~~ Unknown
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." ~~ Robert A. Heinlein
"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." ~~ Mark Twain
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." ~~ Roger Caras
I may have posted these musings before. If so, apologies. If not, it's still true, so here goes:
Do you remember about 2-3 years ago in some frozen Artic location (can't remember which Pole) an entire frozen mammoth was discovered? A large entourage of anthropological scientists from all over the world rushed to the site to observe the dig. The ice-packed pachyderm was ultimately dug completely out and found to be in perfect condition, even after being frozen for thousands of years. The entire project was filmed (of course) and later presented as a television special on one of the educational channels. The close-ups showed in great detail the mammoth's hair, eyelashes, feet - its entire humongous body. The show did not, however, include the autopsy. It must have been a sight to see when they opened that critter up. Probably the largest amount of feces those scientists had ever seen in any one place. Assuming that none of them had ever visited France, that is.
~~The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
~~ How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
~~ How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
~~ How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
~~ What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." -- Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." -- English proverb
That should about do it for this morning.