Indigo Insights

Tuesday, May 20, 2003
What's a Billion?
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.

What's Your Birthday?
Do not link here if you were born after 1959 - 'cause you probably won't get it.

You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...

- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

- You consider it a culinary success if the Pop-Tart stays in one piece.

- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

- Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismal in bulk.

- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

- Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

- The E.P.A. insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols.

- Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

- Your two best recipes are meat loaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

- Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

- You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

- Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.

- You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware.

- Your family prays AFTER they eat!

from Judi, Beaufort, NC