Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
What's a Billion?
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.
What's Your Birthday?
Do not link here if you were born after 1959 - 'cause you probably won't get it.
You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...
- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
- You consider it a culinary success if the Pop-Tart stays in one piece.
- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
- Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismal in bulk.
- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
- Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.
- The E.P.A. insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols.
- Your microwave display reads "TILT!"
- Your two best recipes are meat loaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.
- Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.
- You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
- Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.
- You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware.
- Your family prays AFTER they eat!
from Judi, Beaufort, NC