Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
Weather forecasts here at the doorsteps of Camp Lejeune do not bode well for the big Annual Celebration on Friday. It will really ruin the whole summer if Bill is still hanging around and messes it up. Tens of thousands of civilians in the rain is serious business. Of course, to Marines it's SOP. On the very worst imaginable nights of summer (or winter, for that matter) with thunder booming, lightning cutting through the sky, and torrential rain just beating the house the pieces, is when to expect the heavy artillery sounding off all night. The worse the weather, the more the Marines practice. But for me, the prospect of sitting on the parade ground for several hours soaking wet is just not palatable. Besides; I've already survived survival training, inasmuch as I was a Marine in a previous life!! (OK. Before the fundamentalists get totally discombobulated -- just kidding. Just kidding!) Anyhow, last year's July 4th was so awesome in every way (see Archives, July 5, 2002), we are enlarging our entourage this year and making a bigger party of it. Again, it's times like this I wish Indigo had picture capability. It would be great to post some next week. Meanwhile, I'm getting psyched up for the big (hopefully beautiful!) day by surfing up items like this:
"Whether serenading Adams and Jefferson, accompanying Lincoln to Gettysburg, or performing here at the White House, the Marine Band has become a national institution and a national treasure." -- Ronald Reagan
Turn up speakers and click
Bad News for Horace
12 Connect Street
Webville, OH 24487
Dear Mr. Duhnno,
Upon reviewing the test results and x-rays regarding your symptoms discussed during your examination on 5/18/03, I have been able to determine the cause and treatment for each of your symptoms as follows:
The inability to straighten the fingers on your right hand is not the result of the work related accident in March. The x-rays reveal the same curvature in the bone structure that is associated with holding your mouse. Please use the keyboard and function keys for a period of at least 7 days, allowing the muscles and tendons to heal.
The results of the blood work has revealed the cause of your stomach disorder is styrofoam consumption. Although this is an expeditious and effortless way of eating, please avoid over heating this material to prevent consumption of the product.
The culture we did on your urinary system has confirmed that the repeated infections are the result of failure to relieve yourself as we discussed. Please excuse yourself from the chat room and frequent the bath room when necessary. If the antiseptic cream is not healing the zipper injury you experienced during your hasty return to the computer, please contact the office for a different medication.
Please adhere to the diet we provided. The meals consisting of potato chips, pizza, and coffee have your potassium level high and we "must" get it under control with proper dieting.
The examination of your eyes and the MRI revealed no causes for the headaches. After giving great thought to your lengthy conversation about time spent "blogging" every day, might I recommend that you reduce the 6 - 7 hours per day to a lesser amount of time. This should eliminate the visual strain and stress headaches.
As a treatment for your depression, you might consider establishing more than one email address to provide the volume of incoming messages you seem to be seeking. Also, establishing an ICQ account would provide you another means of instant messaging and increase your "buddy list".
As suspected, the tenderness in your abdomen is a hernia resulting from carrying your computer to technical support and will require immediate surgery. We have scheduled admittance on 8/2/03. As per your request, I have contacted the hospital and am sorry to report that they have no facilities available for internet connection in the recovery nor private rooms. Therefore, it appears that the megafire wireless access will be necessary in order for you access the message boards and chat rooms during your hospital stay. Also, public relations has advised they are unable to fulfill your request to notify your "buddy list" once the surgery is complete. Nurse Forshey feels that is a request beyond their capabilities and extends her apology.
The hospital and my staff will be contacting you for additional information necessary for your surgery, so please have your phone line cleared and be prepared to accept incoming calls between 3:00 pm - 4:00 pm tomorrow.
Dr. J. T. Gates