Indigo Insights

Friday, November 07, 2003

Anyone who has ever stopped by before, knows that Indigo is the Cyber Cretin of Blog World. And if this is your first stop, just take a look at this page!!! Its half-empty, ill-conceived, poorly managed, blah page appearance is like Budweiser: It says it all. I used to think my difficulties in comprehending challenges in logic (i.e., anything numerical or electronic) were due to a total vacuum in the right hemisphere of my brain. Since exploring cyber world, and especially blogging, I'm now convinced it's simply unadulterated cretinism. It's embarrassing, but a fact of my existence. Each new technical conundrum I am faced with validates this theory.

Case in Point: Within the last year, due to one disaster or another, four telephones had to be replaced in my home. The latest this week. That's four instruction manuals to be learned in order to know how to do each necessary step in programming, etc. A new phone is like a new car to me - everything other than steering and braking must be relearned and no two are alike. Yesterday and today were spent in this endeavor. No success yet. But tomorrow is another day. (ain't it, Miz Scarlett?) Meanwhile, I have sent out an S.O.S. to #2 Grandson that if he "happens to be in the neighborhood" (75 miles away!) poor ol' granny could sure use his help.

~ Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
~ Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
~ You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
~ 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
~ You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
~ You watch the Weather Channel.
~ Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
~ You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
~ Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
~ You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
~ Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
~ You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
~ Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
~ You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
~ Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
~ You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
~ Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
~ Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
~ You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
~ A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
~ You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
~ "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
~ 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
~ You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
~ You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.