Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation

 
ULTRAS! BAH!

Ever notice how "ultras" tend to overreact? ANY ULTRA! TO ANYTHING! Yesterday, I linked to A Boy and His Computer (see The Boy Can't Stand It, below) and commented on presidential regional dialects. As a child, I listened to Franklin D. Roosevelt on the radio. His voice sounded much like Winston Churchill to me. It was not an unpleasant or objectionable voice, only different from what my young Southern ears were attuned to. I remember when JFK was president, he especially liked Vaughn Meader, a political satirist of the time. Meader appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show and became a national hit poking fun at the White House in the Massachusetts Kennedy-speak. It was good natured, however, and it was said that the president had Meader's records and enjoyed them very much. A lot of the material was cute, funny stuff about the children in the White House. No malice.

When I commented on The Boy's comments, I only intended to point out differences in presidential speaking, not politics. But here, read it for yourself:

Regional dialects in our presidents have always been amusing quirks. FDR sounded rather British. JFK never could say Cuba. LBJ talked more Texan than Bush. The southern drawl of Carter and Clinton was/is soft on the ears. None of them were ridiculed or sarcastically bashed. Why now?
.: Posted by Indigo :: :: :: Nov 20, 2003

The reply:

None of them were ridiculed or sarcastically bashed. Why now?

Well, that's just not so. I personally remember plenty of people making fun of Carter, and I know that plenty of people made fun of LBJ and JFK. Reagan, Bush and Clinton, not so much - as you said, they were softer on the ears. As to why now, well that's easy - he's the president now. It would kind of pointless to gripe about a former president.

Carter may have had a hick accent, but he was not a hick, he was probably the most articulate and well-spoken modern president. But even if he had been a banjo-playing caricature straight out of Deliverance, that doesn't make Bush any better. Whether you believe he's an idiot or not (I do, but I know lots of people don't), Bush is inarguably a terrible speaker. He always looks like he's smirking, and he's incapable of speaking without resorting to cliches and slogans. I find him and his whole lying gang to be an embarrassment, and the whole "nucular" thing just takes the cake.

(And another thing - what is with this whole "Clinton/Carter/JFK did it too" defense? Any time anyone criticizes Bush, it's even money that a Bush apologist will try to deflect it with a "well, Clinton did such-and-such" anecdote, as if that excuses the fucked-up things the Bush administration are doing. As if Bush and Co. have received even a fraction of the roasting Clinton got in the press.)
.: Posted by Ryland :: :: :: Nov 20, 2003

(sigh] It's times like this when I realize not having Comments may be a blessing!!! I wouldn't enjoy trolls.


ETC

Phillip Coons and his Delusional Duck spotlight an insidiously interesting new internet phonomena: Hi-Tech Bullying. Read it here. Probably in a neighborhood near you soon.

Finally found a sentient being in Donnie's chat room. Met the guy from Random Fate last night and now I KNOW JACK!


LATE NIGHT MATERIAL FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE

LENO

I guess you heard the big story - the Jackson 5 is getting back together. Well, it’s just for the police lineup, but hey!

Yesterday here in California police raided Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch in a criminal investigation, but they didn’t say what exactly they were looking for. That’s a switch: keeping Michael Jackson dangling!

Court TV reports that a 12-year-old boy has accused Michael Jackson of sexual abuse. Michael says he’s got an alibi, but it sounds kind of fishy. He claims that at the time in question he was with a 13-year-old boy.

Police are searching the Neverland Ranch looking for anything unusual. They found something unusual – like a girl.

Michael was not there. Three-month investigation, 70 cops, they should have called first. He wasn’t there. Jackson wasn’t at the ranch, he was in Vegas. Outside of the Neverland Ranch he spends most of his time in Vegas. It’s his favorite place. Because, you know, "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

Authorities are apparently trying to get Michael to surrender. Why don’t they try candy? That’s how Michael gets kids to surrender.

If convicted, Michael could face up to eight years in prison. I don’t think he’s going to like the pony rides at San Quentin.

CBS has announced they’re going to pull the Michael Jackson special that was going to air later this month. In its place will be a new show, "CSI: Neverland Ranch."


LETTERMAN

I had a bad start to my day. I hate it when the mobile forensics lab pulls up to the driveway.

As you know, federal agents raided Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch out in Santa Barbara yesterday. If he’s not careful, this is the sort of thing that people might start to think he’s peculiar.

Michael was so upset that he contacted Rush Limbaugh’s housekeeper to get some sedatives.

Michael Jackson’s spokesman said that he had no comment because he didn’t know what the raid was about – well, that makes him the only one.

It was a huge deal. There were over 60 feds on the ranch property – they didn’t find much, but they did find O.J.’s knife.


THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
"What's that, Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well, according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?"
"Er, right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again you're right."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"
"What were all the grown-ups doing?"

[thanks to Kristi, Greenville, NC]












posted by HCL at 12:20 AM