Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Gray, dreary skies, hanging heavily over the North Carolina coast today are reminiscent of December 17 one hundred years ago. On that day, after delays due to weather, the Wright Brothers soared into history from Kill Devil Hills, at Kitty Hawk, NC.
My grandparents had been married five years on that historic day. For the rest of their lives when they spoke of the occasion, they always began by saying that no one believed the tall tale of a "flying machine" at the time. Incomprehensible; unfathomable; unbelievable! Nope. Don't believe it. Sure don't. Probably a posthumous ploy of P.T. Barnum's.
As the 100th anniversary approached, some Ohioans were challenging the North Carolina license plate motto of "First in Flight". Orville and Wilbur Wright were native sons of Dayton, Ohio, they said. True enough. North Carolina never claimed Orville and Wilbur. Ohio gave America the two genius bicycle makers with the dream of flight. North Carolina provided them with the launching pad that made the first flight possible. No one refutes the fact that the first flight did, indeed, take off from Kill Devil Hills. Hence, we get the license plate!
Top Ten Reasons Saddam Surrendered Without a Fight!
10. MOLD IN SPIDER HOLE GIVING HIM TERRIBLE SINUS HEADACHE.
9. COALITION PROMISED TO LET HIM WATCH THE BEARS-VIKINGS GAME FROM HIS CELL.
8. HEARD A RUMOR THAT ALL WAS FORGIVEN.
7. RAN OUT OF CARB BLOCKER. AFRAID OF GAINING ALL THAT WEIGHT BACK.
6. TWO WORDS: INDOOR PLUMBING
5. WAS TOLD HIS SENTENCE WOULD BE COMMUTED TO COMMUNITY SERVICE IF HOWARD DEAN WINS IN 2004
4. AFRAID COALITION FORCES WOULD DIG UP HIS FAVORITE MASS GRAVE
3. CAN'T GET RUSH LIMBAUGH FROM TIKRIT
2. "F**k GEORGE W. BUSH!!! I'M STARVING."
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON SADAAM HUSSEIN GAVE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT:
HOPING TO MEET JIMMY CARTER!!!!!!!
[Stolen in its entirety from The Straight White Guy, who confesses that he, too, purloined it.]
EIGHT WORDS WITH TWO MEANINGS
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male..........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...........Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..........Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...........A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. .... ...Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
>^..^< The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post: Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie, in a building full of cops, lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.
>^..^< How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?