Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Saturday, February 28, 2004
>^..^< My laurels are so few and far between, of course top billing of the day in Pussyfootin'™ will go to the Sweetheart on the Water. Thanks for the kind words, Jim.
>^..^< Kevin McGehee has this inspiring post up: 'Do You Believe God Makes Mistakes?' And follow his link to Dean's World for more inspiration.
>^..^< "Our liberal albino water buffalo Rosie O'Donnell flew today with her chosen carpetmuncher to California to partake of the rite of marriage as defined by the city of San Francisco. I hear that her bridal registry is listed as Snap-On Tools.", he said without cracking a smile.
>^..^< Cathy and Garland are still at it. Do you get by there often? Did you see yourself here?
>^..^< Chuck is still carrying the burden of updating on the Kenneth Walker case. He's just about maxing out his bandwidth, trying to be a good citizen.
>^..^< Mike the Marine is getting very close to stomping on my heart with his chastisement of Sweet William. They even named a flower after him, Mike!
>^..^< Altho Day By Day is a favorite, I have to catch it while surfing the blogs. Caught it today at dgci. Recommend you do the same.
>^..^< Winston's concise in his opining. He doesn't need 3 pages to tell how it is.
>^..^< Brian's Slightly Left of Center directs us to a cartoon that you should not link to with your mouth full. You've been warned!
>^..^< There's a forum opening up at Army of One about what to do with "Old Soldiers". Personally, I'd rather they didn't "just fade away."
>^..^< End of another week of political scatology and I'm still pledging my support to Yellow Dog!!!!!
>^..^< We the People has some essays and thoughtful comments going on concerning some issues in the news. Go be heard.
>^..^< Pennywit and Jack get in on some of it too. See here.
>^..^< What does Leap Year mean? Read all about it.
The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
"Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your damn bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!"
~~ Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted."
"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.
"It means," said the little girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."
~~ A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie
Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."
~~ One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children,
"What's in Here?"
"I know" a little boy exclaimed....."Pantyhose!"