Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation

 
MONDAY PUN

Another pun for the music lovers out there from Grouchy Old Cripple.

The orchestra conductor had been having problems with the bassists; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven's 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the bassists at the end. Earlier that evening, he had found them celebrating a birthday by passing around a bottle. Then, as he was about to cue the bassists, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. So he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear realized: It was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the bassists were loaded.


BROKEN GLASS
by Peggy Noonan

It is fascinating to me that after two months of the Democratic Party demonstrating what appears to be dynamism, and the Republicans struggling with such questions as the weapons of mass destruction, and the president fighting back charges regarding his military service, the smartest read on where we are came this week from a a Zogby poll that said the Democrats are leading in the Democratic areas and the Republicans are leading in the Republican areas. Mr. Bush's poll numbers are down, but the blue states are blue and the red states are red. And no one knows what will change that. Entire article here.


>^..^< PUSSYFOOTIN'™

>^..^< Proudly presented as the result of help from Mike the Marine. Thanks again, Mike.

>^..^< Cait, the really 'catty' cat, says "The rumors about the governor of Texas have gotten thick as flies on a dead horse." Interesting links too.

>^..^< Following the progress, or lack thereof, on the Kenneth Walker case, via redneckin', , looks like yet another delay while the Georgia Attorney General takes over and begins his own investigation. Most unusual that the video tape has yet to be viewed by anyone other than law officials. In similar cases I remember, the video was on the 6:00 News. Hellooooo. Georgia?

>^..^< Every once in a great while, America is utterly captivated by an entertainer who has charm, grace, dignity, persistence in fulfilling his dreams: someone like WILL!

>^..^< "There is an endless stream of foreigners, impossible to identify, flooding into the United States, and Americans living on the frontline are concerned." Army of One has more here.

>^..^< What did you do in the war, daddy?

>^..^< Update from Yellow Dog: "The endorsements are still rolling in: Voters from all over America are expressing their support for Yellow Dog in my run to the White house." Read it all.

>^..^< If you have, or will have, college-bound kids, you need to educate yourself about Federal Student Aid.

>^..^< Don't want to say he's obsessing on the First Amendment, but here's Alphecca's Monday update. I report. You gun people decide.

>^..^< SayUncle: Clairvoyant?

>^..^< We the People has an interesting piece on "An Unintentional Synchronicity."

>^..^< Betsy is following the flap at UNC and Duke for us. Update here.

>^..^< Bubba refers us to "Here's what the fuss is REALLY all about."


SENIOR MOMENTS™

Memory? Heh?
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke.
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Generally is me!

When shopping, I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself "who was that?"

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke!
[thanks to Jimmy, Ayden, NC]


POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and just wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
















posted by HCL at 11:22 AM