Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. -- H. Jackson Browne, Jr
>^..^< Proud Congratulations to our home grown winner of American Idol, FANTASIA BARRINO.
>^..^< OPERATION UPLINK. Please do what you can.
>^..^< Apropos of nothing, but funny as heck to me: John Cole is a tad PO'd at Blockbuster. So are his readers. (don't miss Comments!) Kinda refreshing to read something NOT about Bush, Kerry, Iraq, terrorists or Kobe Bryant.
>^..^< Started following links at Wizbang and found Gore in a straight jacket! Now I'm thinking about straight jacket stock. This could be a trend. Sizes R, D, and L? Size R for Baldilocks, who has some follow-up remarks; Size D for Reality Check, who didn't post on straight jacket stock; and a Size L (with splinters) for Indigo! DC Thornton posted, but I don't know his size. er -- maybe MR?
THESE ARE (said to be) ACTUAL QUOTES TAKEN FROM FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS.
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it"
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming."
24. "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it"
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 Minutes'."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the party...... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps... with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Jenny Craig and Toyota commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.......
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
[Thanks to Christina, Swansboro, NC]
THE ARMY OF THE LORD
Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
Jack replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I almost never see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
Jack whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."