Indigo Insights

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Today I received two e-mails of North Carolina Humor. These stories and observations may be amusing to SOME North State Bloggers, and perhaps ONLY North State Bloggers. Personally, I disavow collegiate allegiance to any of the schools named. -- Indigo

Recently, a Tar Heel football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Fortunately for him, the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

Why are they planning to resurface Kenan Stadium with cardboard?
Because the Tarheels always play better on paper.

A Raleigh building contractor, (who happened to be an NCSU graduate), discussing paint schemes with a couple, asked which color they had picked for their kitchen. The lady responded with "vanilla white". "No problem," the NCSU grad replied as he opened the window and screamed out, "GREEN SIDE UP."

The couple didn't think much of it and proceeded to the living room. The NCSU grad then asked which color they had decided on for the living room and they replied with "hazelnut beige". At that point, the NCSU grad opened the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The couple gave each other a puzzled look but quietly followed the contractor into the master bedroom.

The contractor asked what color they wanted the bedroom painted, and the couple indicated that pure white was their favorite. Once again, the contractor opened the window and blasted, "GREEN SIDE UP." That's when the lady spoke, "Sir, we've been in three rooms, each a different color, but you scream 'green side up' after we tell you a color for the room. What's up?" "I'm sorry," the contractor said, "I should have told you before we started -- I've got a couple of UNC grads laying sod outside."

What do you get when you cross a Tar Heel with a groundhog?
Six more weeks of bad football.

Why is Chapel Hill changing their mascot to the possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

My Aunt died this past January. CitiBank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00. Now it was somewhere around $60.00. I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been turned over to collections."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau . . maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank :". . . excuse me ?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone).
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you she is dead"
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )
CitiBank: (After they get the fax.) "Our system just isn't setup for death."
Me: "Oh."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help. . ."
Me: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her . . . I suppose . . . I don't really think she will care."
CitiBank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129. (Plot number given)
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"

Why is it so windy in Durham?
Because Chapel Hill sucks.

What do you get when you drive quickly through the UNC campus?
An undergraduate degree.


Want more UNC bashing? See here.