Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Thursday, July 15, 2004
S U M M E R T I M E -- --
And the living is hectic;
Fish are jumping;
So are shrimp;
Crabs are lazy;
So am I!!
To anyone who still may be hanging around: Thanks for your patience. You know it's July on the Crystal Coast of North Carolina when your house is full of guests and the area is full of tourists. Not much time for blogging. One accomplishment of the week was a step in the right direction in solving the laptop dysfunctions. The Computer Guy was here today for over two hours, and as one would hope, there was progress made. The entire laptop experience since April 22 has been cyber hell for this cyber cretin. It remains to be seen if my hard drive hard times are over. Hoping for the best. A note of irony in the midst of chaos, however, is that the main problem was rectified by doing exactly what Old Indigo suggested the first day The Computer Guy was here. But, of course, he took the suggestion of an old cyber cretin with the proverbial grain of NaCl. Sorry, but: neener neener neener!
Thanks to all you great bloggers who are keeping me current on important happenings. I'll be continuing the nightly blog-surfing for a few more days in lieu of posting. See ya soon!
A FEW BLONDE JOKES
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out," he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "it's a SCARF!"
Blonde on the Sun
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
In a Vacuum
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was:"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
60 IS NOT OLD -- if you're a tree.
I'M STILL HOT... It just comes in flashes.
AT MY AGE, Getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.
MY REALITY CHECK just bounced.
LIFE IS SHORT -- Make fun of it.
I NEED SOMEBODY BAD ... Are you bad?
EARTH IS the insane asylum of the universe.
MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. One brilliant flash and it's gone. EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "exercise," I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
LIVE YOUR LIFE so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.
IN GOD WE TRUST. All others we polygraph!