Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Friday, February 18, 2005
from Christina, Swansboro, NC
WHO SAYS COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on carousels, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, of course we have a quota system. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"So you didn't see the speed limit sign huh? Good thing it didn't say, ' BRIDGE OUT.' "
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right. We don't. Sign here."
Author unknown -- Carlin or Wright are suspected
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
>^..^< Check out the Protest Warrior. Thanks to Da Goddess for the link.
>^..^< The Sailor in the Desert has a great piece by Peggy Noonan about US!! The Pajamahadeen!
>^..^< The always fair and balanced Yorkie Lady was surfing around CNN and found this story. Great story that again reminds us of the largesse of some American corporations: "His employer, Sears, will make up the difference in pay while he's in Iraq, an assignment Chennault thinks will last seven or eight months. "
>^..^< McGehee beat me to that Peggy Noonan piece - - but The Sailor beat him by two minutes!!!! heh Smart bloggers, both.
>^..^< The Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta seems to have found the drug of choice for many of us. Now if our doctors will only write us the prescriptions.
>^..^< Don't tell him I said so, but I really think The Grouchy Old Cripple of Winston-Salem is tickled to be back at his keyboard after his vacation. He's blogging up a storm!!!
>^..^< That Happy Little Speaking Dog is really UP in this post. It gets the 'cute' award from me! (CUTE ALERT to Acidman, who doesn't need linkage, but polite is as polite does!)
>^..^< After reading Paratus' tips on survival, I'm all worn out. Think I'll go to bed now.
>^..^< indigoinsights AT hotmail DOT com
UPDATE: From Pam's House Blend: Third N.C.-Based Soldier Dies After Exhibiting Flu-Like Symptoms. PLEASE READ!