Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
IN-BOX -- Swansboro, NC
The Time Machine must have been tinkered with by those cyber gremlins, because these predictions came out for the year 2035. Talk about a bleak future!
Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
*White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
*Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
*Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
*Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
*Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
*Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
*Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but Pres Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
*George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
*Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
*35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
*Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
*Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
*Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
*Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
*Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
*New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
*Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
*Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
*IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.