Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck of 'redneckin' fame, who introduced me to the term "blog" by throwing it at me out of the blue, knowing full well that it would drive me crazy because it was a new word to me and I didn't know the meaning of the term. He's a sly one, that Chuck. Then he led me, kicking and screaming, down the blogging path, whether I wanted to go or not. Retired from publishing, I figured I had already BTDT with writing. Chuck asked me what I planned to do with my "skills" (ahem) if I wasn't going to put them to use. I told him I'd just sit on them - like laurels!! He had different plans and his were more productive than mine. Thanks, Chuck. I love you, Man! (aside: Would that make Chuck my Blog-Daddy? Naaaaaaaaaa- I'm older than him!)
Next, thanks to Terry of Possumblog who saw me hunkered down in the Briar Patch one day and invited me in out of the cold to a warm room right above The Axis of Weevil. (Would he be my Blog-Uncle?) Also, many thanks to Terry for the introduction to the gal downstairs - - -
Francesca of Yorkie Blog in The Axis of Weevil, who has become my Number One GF of the Blogosphere, and without whose direction to the referral from - - -
South Knox Bubba (a kissing cousin) regarding the database of rankings at Blogstreet.com, which I missed previously, there would be no occasion for all these 'thank yous'. I mean, come on, ranked 22,851 out of 43,203!!!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!
Oh well, Francesca, at least we made rank!!!! LOL
And thanks to all the other wonderful writers in the Reading List at right whom I've come to know, be entertained and informed by, and touched in many special ways (you all know your specialities! LOL). Misha, Meryl, Rachel, Michele, Kim, and Acidman are revelations in true journalistic talent.
IN-BOX -- Swansboro, NC
The Time Machine must have been tinkered with by those cyber gremlins, because these predictions came out for the year 2035. Talk about a bleak future!
Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
*White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
*Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
*Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
*Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
*Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
*Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
*Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but Pres Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
*George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
*Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
*35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
*Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
*Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
*Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
*Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
*Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
*New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
*Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
*Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
*IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
Monday, December 30, 2002
Anything you'd ever need to know about Top Tens for 2002 are URL'd over at Bubba's. He's done all the research for you, so go check it out. You may find the exact list you've been wondering about.
NATIVE AMERICAN NEW YEAR
The words of John Two-Hawks and his beautiful music have a calming, peaceful effect on me. His writings and flute have soothed my soul on many occasions. John offers new perspectives to this old WASP, and he has guided my inner thoughts down a different path toward inner peace, time and time again. His offerings should be understood and accepted considering the purity of the dimension from which they come. Many of us 'white eyes' do not comprehend the Indigenous people's deeply spiritual observance of The Red Road ( http://www.think-aboutit.com/native.htm ) but it may behoove us to familiarize ourselves with their beliefs, and others' beliefs, before negating them out of hand. Here is John's welcome to the new year. I like to read his letters after clicking onto one of his sites so as to listen to his flute while I read his words.
Circle of Nations
Hau kola na nitakuye (hello friends and relatives),
It is a new year, the solstice has passed and maka ina - mother earth - has begun her journey back toward the sun once again.... as she has since the beginning of all beginnings. Oh ya sure, January 1st is the "new year" as most moderners know it. But we Lakota know that the true new year for our planet actually begins after the winter solstice, that time when the mother earth's northern axis has tilted the furthest from the sun, thus bringing us here on Turtle Island (north america) our 'shortest day'. After this, the new year begins as the axis begins to return toward the sun and our days get a bit longer each time we pass the sun. We are the star people, and we know the stars. Not in the way an astronomer.... nor in the way of an astrologist.... but in the way of the Lakota. We know the stars, like an ancient old friend. There is much the stars have to show us. For countless centuries people all around the world have listened to the voice of the stars.... the signs which foretell of great catastrophic or powerful earth changing events. In this time of Christmas, we are reminded of a story of wise men who knew the signs of the stars, and followed these signs straight to the cradle of the Christ child. We Lakota know the signs of the stars this way. There is much we can learn, if we only listen with humble hearts and open minds....
EAST - Wiyohinyanpata - Yellow (Four Winds)
An old year passes.... a new year begins. What have we learned? Where have we traveled and what have our travels taught us about where we are headed? I see a lot of hope, a lot of good in our world. I also see very clearly the problems, the ignorance and the pain of a humanity that has not yet learned the power of true, real love. Our world is as many pendulums. Some pendulums are pulled away from their center and have have yet to swing. Some have swung already and are way on the other side of their center. A few have found their way back to the center. This center is a place of stillness. A place of peace and rest. In the 1950's, many pendulums had been pulled away from their center for ages by oppression and suppression. The young people of the 1960's broke the oppressive grip on many of these pendulums and they finally began to swing. Some are still just beginning their first swing today, and others have swung entirely the other way and back several times. What must be understood is that in order for a pendulum to find it's true resting center once it is pulled out of balance, it has no choice but to swing wide first, then back and forth a bit until it slows and then finally finds its center once again. Human social relations, the condition of our environment and political climates are just a few examples of the many 'pendulums' that are in swing as we head into 2003. World peace means much more to me than merely human peace.... it means peace for all Creation.... every rock, tree, and drop of water.... every living, breathing, creeping, crawling, swimming and flying thing on this planet. For this real world peace to occur, all must become actively interested and involved in bringing every pendulum back to its true center. World peace will only come when balance is achieved. I had an honest man say to me once, "the world is going to come to an end anyway, so why bother?" I will answer that question here with another question. If your house was on fire, would you not at least try to save it from the flames? World peace as I define it may seem like a foolish dream, but I will keep filling the bucket of my life with the cool, calming water of peace and love and casting it into the flames of hate, ignorance and corruption with the hope that maybe others will continue to join me with their own buckets. Hey, who knows, maybe with enough of us casting our peace and love water into the flames, we may surprise ourselves and actually succeed! We just might put out the fire.... and save our home.... After all, the pendulum is still in swing....
May you all find peace, inner strength and balance this coming year. I am honored to connect to you in this way. I have offered my elk medicine to you with an honest heart. May these ramblings bless you in some beautiful way. And may Creator encircle you with faith to believe, hope for the future and love for all....
In the spirit of mending the sacred hoop of the nations of the world,
Your Oglala Lakota brother / friend,
Sunday, December 29, 2002
IN-BOX -- Ayden, NC
Received this today from my oldest buddy - i.e. Korean War era!! We grew up together in that same little North Carolina town I speak of occasionally and were blessed with many of the same memories. It seems a fitting end of the year piece to blog and reflect upon. He's a "keeper" too, BTW. He's been keeping me in stitches most of my life. Happy New Year, Dear Ol Greg!
Some things you keep. Like good teeth. Warm coats. Bald husbands. They're good for you, reliable and practical and so sublime that to throw them away would make the garbage man a thief. So you hang on, because something old is sometimes better than something new, and what you know is often better than a stranger. These are my thoughts, they make me sound old, old and tame, and dull at a time when everybody else is risky and racy and flashing all that's new and improved in their lives. New careers, new thighs, new lips, new cars. The world is dizzy with trade-ins. I could keep track, but I don't think I want to. I grew up in the fifties with practical parents -- a mother, God bless her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it -- and still does. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones. They weren't poor, my parents, they were just satisfied. Their marriage was good, their dreams focused.
Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers and tee shirt and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in his hand, dishtowel in hers. It was a time for fixing things -- a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things you keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant there'd always be more.
But then my father died, and on that clear autumn night, in the chill of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any 'more.' Sometimes what you care about most gets all used up and goes away, never to return. So, while you have it, it's best to love it and care for it and fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick.
That's true for marriage and old cars and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents. You keep them because they're worth it, because you're worth it. Some things you keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate you grew up with, there's just some things that make life important...people you know are special...and you KEEP them close!
Sunday, December 22, 2002
GIFT TO OUR SOLDIERS
At the risk of posting something that may have already been seen, this is worth it. Skip right over to the next blog if you have previously read it, or if it's just not your cup. Or, copy and paste it on your next email, should you feel so inclined.
Close your eyes and picture in your mind the soldier at Valley Forge, as he holds his musket in his bloody hands.
He stands barefoot in the snow, starved from lack of food, wounded from months of battle, and emotionally scarred from the eternity away from his family surrounded by nothing but death and carnage of war.
He stands tough, with fire in his eyes and victory on his breath. He looks at us now in anger and disgust and tells us this...
I gave you a birthright of freedom born in the Constitution and now your children graduate too illiterate to read it. I fought in the snow barefoot to give you the freedom to vote and you stay at home because it rains. I left my family destitute to give you the freedom of speech and you remain silent on critical issues, because it might be bad for business. I orphaned my children to give you a government to serve you and it has stolen democracy from the people.
It's the soldier, not the reporter who gives you the freedom of the press. It's the soldier, not the poet who gives you the freedom of speech. It's the soldier, not the campus organizer who allows you to demonstrate. It's the soldier who salutes the flag, serves the flag, whose coffin is draped with the flag, that allows the protester to burn the flag!!!
"God, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."
When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our U.S. ground troops in Afghanistan, and the ones facing deployment to Iraq at this very moment - and all over this world. Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Prayer is the very best one.....
Thursday, December 19, 2002
¿Usted irá a casa?
RUN DON'T WALK
Hey You Guys! There's a party going on over at Rachel's house. Not a Christmas party - a celebration of FREEDOM!! It's a reeeeeelly big party, so plan to stay a while. And invite some friends. Look for Guns and Freedom (Dec. 17th) to enrich yourself with words from a true American.
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
BACK TO PERSPECTIVE
Just compared posts from 17th and 18th and was reminded of "Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused." So I laughed and I feel better. Perhaps I should set up an alternate blog site for ranting only. Seems to work for some. LOL
To rub my nose in it (and yours, if you go there), almost immediately up popped this tidbit. Yeah, right. I want to wish these people a happy holiday season! OK, so it's Pakistan. Six of one, as far as I'm
concerned. I'm almost to the Bah, Humbug stage. (counting 10 here)
IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS
When this came across my screen, I figured it was just another item I was not current on. But when I emailed it to my keypals, their replies indicated I was not the only one who was not current. My email said simply: "Please see this site. No comment from me because I'm too angry!" I got more replies on this item than any email I've ever sent out. Obviously, my pals were not aware of it either. Every single person who responded was incensed, and some even took the time to write the Board of Governors, via snail mail. In any event, for those in Blog World who may not yet know about the Christmas stamps, check the link above.
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
THE "W" IN CHRISTMAS
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations -- extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas. My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise. So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment -- songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the
front row-center stage -- held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing, "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love." The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down -- totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W." The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W." Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear: "CHRISTWAS LOVE" And, I believe, He still is.
MORE ABOUT NORTH CAROLINIANS
You know you're from North Carolina if - -
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm"
You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
You know whether another North Carolinian is from east, west, or middle North Carolina as soon as they open their mouth.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as goin' wal-martin' or off to Wally World.
Anyone who surfs Blog World knows that the more one links, the more one learns, hence the more well-rounded one may become. Well, at least I find that true. It is also true that wisdom, incisive comment, wit, and savvy are not limited to the elite of the Blogosphere. There are many, many travelers on the www who have never heard of blogging (unbelievable, huh?) who nevertheless pass on informative, thought-provoking tidbits through their emailing lists. That's why I have featured some of their email from time to time. If you are one of Indigo Insights' readers (three of you now, right?) you may have noticed the material published here runs the gamut of opinions and political diversity. That's because I really enjoy a cornucopia of opinions and political diversity. And like many of you have pointed out, on my own blog I make the rules.
Today I would like to share what was in this morning's mail from two international keypals of mine. A delightful gentleman from Qatar (yes, the Mideast Qatar!) forwarded this link to me. And here's a bright holiday greeting from an animal-loving Brit. Is there any other kind? Gotta love 'em.
Monday, December 16, 2002
NOW THEY'VE DONE IT! Last night the Iraquis shot Santa's sleigh out of the sky, killed all the reindeer, and captured and tortured Santa Claus. (Is Southpark in the major media?)
ALSO The Wilde Poet refuses to link. Oh well. We tried.
FROM THE IN-BOX - Greenville, NC
To Kill An American
You may have missed it in the rush of news last week, but
there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had
published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone
who killed an American, any American.
So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone
know what an American is, so they would know when they
An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Sioux, Mohawk, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.
An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.
An American is from the most prosperous land in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person the pursuit of happiness.
An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need. When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country. As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.
Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least. The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America. Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2002 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.
Pass this around the World.
CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FOOT
How many years should the media delve back into its archives to find an uncomplimentary quote from a politician? How many months? Weeks?
According to the Wilde Poet, the archive guys over at RWN are apparently flipping the coin on the Democrats and republishing some of their infamous quotes. Here are a few "in their own words". Guess it just goes to show, nobody's perfect, right Trent?
>^..^< Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
>^..^< Creator gave you two ears and one mouth, so you can listen twice as much as you speak. - Lakota Elder
>^..^< A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) - Dave Barry
>^..^< One of these days, Alice, the Archives will be up again!!
>^..^< You don't stop laughing because you've grown old. You grow old because you stop laughing!
Saturday, December 14, 2002
STRANGERS IN THE BOX
Come, look with me inside this drawer,
In this box I've often seen,
At the pictures, black and white,
Faces proud, still, serene.
I wish I knew the people,
These strangers in the box,
Their names and all their memories
Are lost among my socks.
I wonder what their lives were like.
How did they spend their days?
What about their special times?
I'll never know their ways.
If only someone had taken time
To tell who, what, where, when,
These faces of my heritage
Would come to life again.
Could this become the fate
Of the pictures we take today?
The faces and the memories
Someday to be tossed away?
Make time to save your pictures,
Seize the opportunity when it knocks,
Or someday you and yours could be
The strangers in the box.
© 1997 by Pamela A. Harazim. All Rights Reserved.
May be used in unchanged form for non-commercial
purposes if accompanied by this copyright message.
Snopes says the authenticity of the U.S. Marine versus French officer letter is "undetermined". (Dec. 6, From the In-Box below) Snopes' Barbara Mikkelson wrote the piece and gives several reasons for invalidating the letter as being from a woman. All I can say is, Mikkelson needs to hang out with more Women Marines! But read it for yourself.
FROM THE IN-BOX - Utah
Received this from a friend with the comment "This is scarey". And so it is. Lots of things are very scarey today. So many, in fact, I have to prioritize in degrees of "scariness" to get some perspective. But as scarey as this is, to me it's not as scarey as spending the rest of my life in a burka! Give it a read and see what you think.
"An excerpt from a book by Milton Mayer - "They Thought They Were Free""
But Then It Was Too Late
"What no one seemed to notice," said a colleague of mine, a philologist, "was the ever widening gap, after 1933, between the government and the people. Just think how very wide this gap was to begin with, here in Germany. And it became always wider. You know it doesn't make people close to their government to be told that this is a people's government, a true democracy, or to be enrolled in civilian defense, or even to vote. All this has little, really nothing, to do with knowing one is governing."
>^..< Could apophenia explain the fanatics of the far right and/or the far left? hmmmmmm
* If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". - Dave Barry
* Earlier this week, Trent Lott met with his spiritual advisers. The bad news – It's Cardinal Bernard Law. - Jay Leno
* There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence. - Will Rogers
* U.N. Weapons Inspector Hans Blix has just declared Trent Lott's mouth a weapon. - David Letterman
Friday, December 13, 2002
After reading Acidman's parable regarding growing up racist, but learning from life what a waste of time it is, there's really nothing more to say. Except that while all of us "bawn and bred in the briar patch" know this dirty history, we are not Senate Majority Leaders. Nope, we are smarter than Lott, who apparently suffers such diarrhea of the mouth that he becomes mesmerized by the sound of his own voice and doesn't know when to shut up. The brain should send a signal of good taste and judgement to the tongue in such situations as he found himself. No, I don't think he should resign because he will be slapped with the race card. He should not be Speaker because he is a dullard.
FROM THE IN-BOX
This is the most inspiring "Christmas card" I have received this year -- perhaps ANY year. Please take a few minutes to link here and, hopefully, to the other links you will find. Don't miss the Home link. We all know the "reason for the season" but we may need a reminder of the reason we are free to celebrate it.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
MAN'S BEST FRIEND
My Number Two Grandson moved to another city about a month ago. He's the musician/animal-lover GS. There is also a football hero GS (#3) and a professional, settled, married GS (#1). #2 has been really lonely - especially after his girl friend moved out and took the dog!!! Actually, he seemed to miss the dog more than the GF. His sister (my #1 GrandDaughter) has been trying to find a dog for him through her vet/shelter connections, but until last Friday had not been successful. On Friday, #2 left for a weekend camping trip - to the mountains, where the temps were in the teens. brrrrrrrr If you have any kids or grand-kids from this generation, save yourself a lot of wear and tear on the synapses and stop right now trying to figure out their reasoning faculties.
The #1 GD is a persistent, industrious little thing and she pulled out all her stops (and favors, I assume) to get a Golden Retriever ready for adoption while #2 GS was camping. The year-old male adoptee was all bathed, brushed, beautiful. and ready for his new home when #2 came back Sunday night. I knew the surprise was planned, but was sworn to secrecy. So later in the night when #2 telephoned and said "Guess what I've got in my lap?", of course I played dumb. He was ecstatic while telling me the dog-tail! Very happy to have a friend in the house. This is his first time living alone. He said it will be so nice to have a welcome-home greeting when he came in. So he went to bed very happy with his new room mate, and so did GD because she had been instrumental in making her brother so happy, and so did I because both of them were so happy. (OK, so you're underwhelmed. Be thankful I didn't have any pics!)
SOUTHERN THANG (s)
+This is a sweet reminder (with speakers) to our Southern gentlemen - and to the other gentlemen, Eat Your Hearts Out.
+More about North Carolinians....
You know you're from North Carolina if - -
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
You know what "cow tipping" is.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, texas pete and catsup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
+And the latest chapter of Chuck's Southern childhood is out. Don't miss "Loading Your Own".
GRASS STILL GROWING?
RIVER STILL FLOWING?
Every Native American and American taxpayer should be outraged at this. If you'd like to forward the article to your senator's attention, he or she will be here someplace.
BEST OF THE WEB
If you missed James Taranto yesterday (Dec. 9), pick it up here. It's an outstanding one.
FROM THE IN-BOX
Top 10 Reasons Republicans Love Santa Claus
10. He is married to a woman who does nothing but stay at home and bake.
9. Like many Catholic priests, Father Christmas uses promises of candy and toys to get children to sit on his lap while his "little helper" takes pictures.
8. Only a republican could love a man who breaks into your home in the middle of the night to stuff your socks full of a polluting fossil fuel because he thinks you were naughty.
7. Like George W. Bush, Santa has spent most of his life surrounded by giant piles of white powder.
6. Santa continues to force his elf labor to work year round without pay.
5. Santa is always sticking his nose in people's bedrooms to see if they are sleeping or awake.
4. Santa set up his toy factory at the North Pole to avoid EPA restrictions and labor laws.
3. Santa sits on his butt 364 days a year, then because he's generous for one night, he expects to be called a saint.
2. Santa is a big fat white guy that has everybody under constant surveillance to see if they've been bad or good.
1. Just like compassionate conservatism, corporate responsibility, and the liberal media... only a child is naive enough to believe Santa Claus
Monday, December 09, 2002
POKE FUN MONDAY
Wish this had been Christmas greetings to Alabama so I could have dedicated it to the Axis of Weevil, but too much of the meaning would have been lost!!!!
You know you're from North Carolina if - -
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You know what a "tar heel" is.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year it is.
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
>^..^< If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
>^..^< People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. -Dave Barry
>^..^< And when God, who created the entire universe with all its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use as His messenger a person on cable tv with a bad hair style. -Dave Barry
>^..^< Thank you. We know the Archives are not working
Saturday, December 07, 2002
It has come to my attention that yesterday's "From the In-Box" offering was not new material!!!! LOL That's why it's identified as "From the In-Box". It's potluck. Maybe it's been to your in-box before, maybe not. My largest readership, my relatives and friends, are sometime a tad behind anyhow. Many of them are afflicted with the dreaded "Senior Moments"!!! So even if they've seen an item before, they've forgotten it!!!
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!
Friday, December 06, 2002
FROM THE IN-BOX
I received this from an Airforce Reservist in semi active duty. Its authenticity is fairly reliable... but then...
Date: Wed, 4 Dec 2002 17:21:32 EST
Subject: Marine in Bosnia. Note the signature....
A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we (Americans) were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a war. He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface at some point in the near future anyway. That is why France is a third-rate military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of faggots for soldiers.
I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and action, not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support was only for show anyway. Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the US would shoulder 85% of the burden, as evidenced by the fact that the French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around.
He began to get belligerent at that point, and I told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside in front of the Burger King and beat his ass in front of the entire Multinational Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the smallest American had more fight in him than the average Frenchman. He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Mary Beth Johnson
Thursday, December 05, 2002
What Northern authors did to history books concerning the Civil War; what Neo Nazi fringe groups are trying to do with the Holocaust; what Japanese apologists have done regarding Hiroshima and Nagasaki - and on and on and on. Pick a hot historical topic and chances are that what "history" tells you may be just the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Sadly, most people believe the first version they hear/read of a historical event and never do any further research. Apparently, there are enough folks in Arkansas willing to fund a Counter Clinton Library to assure that all sides of the Clinton 'legacy' will be available to future historians. Interesting.
LETTER FROM SANTA
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve the States of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina,
Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and
better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His
side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering
toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:"These
toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliott and Petty."
5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you
also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hog Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
NOT MY CHILDREN, YOU DON"T
I read this Orlando Sentinel piece twice. Couldn't believe my eyes the first time. The BP went up about a dozen points per perusal. This pretty much does it! Where can I volunteer to help load the bombs?
PATRIOTS AGAINST SLIME
Rachel Lucas got my full attention with this. I had the time, so I used it to read every single word, including all Comments. Hope readers here will be able to do the same. I guess it's just not a good time to be Anti-American! (hint to military detractors) And BTW Rachel, I sent the link to everyone I know in the military, and was proud to do it.
FROM THE IN-BOX
by Kevin Stone
What's wrong with this quote? Demoncrat John Kerry had this to say about President Bush's proposed tax cuts:
''The largest cost of the Bush tax giveaway will not be borne by any of us here today it will be paid for by our children. We're borrowing from Social Security and Medicare to put money in our pockets today and sticking our children with the bill.''
Um, tax giveaway? Borrowing? Looks like it's business as usual at Dem central. Only a tax and spend Demoncrat could consider taking less to be a giveaway. Only a tax and spend Demoncrat would consider a proposal likely to boost revenues through economic stimulus a case of borrowing from other programs.
As responsible Conservatives, I think it's our duty to make sure that Demoncrats don't get away with these types of rhetorical tricks. Spread the word!
CULTURE SHOCK/FRENCH BASH
Had an interesting instant message chat with a keypal last night. We started out discussing Christmas shopping. He was shopping online for perfume for his lovely wife. (Go figure. The guy works in the perfume industry!!) The chat soon degenerated (perhaps) into a treatise on foreigners in general and the French in particular. But here, read it for yourself.
Keypal -- Found some perfume. Guess I'll get two.
Indigo -- What kind?
Keypal -- Brand X
Indigo -- I don't know that one. You know I'm a Brand Y girl, myself.
Keypal -- LOL Hey! We make Brand Y.
Indigo -- I seem to remember you told me that a long time ago. However, if you're getting two of the Brand X with one in mind for me, I'll try it!!!! LOL Just kidding.
Keypal -- Have you heard of Brand Z?
Indigo -- Yes. A little heavy for me tho.
Keypal -- We make that also.
Indigo -- Really? I've smelled so much of that on men that I'm turned off to it.
Keypal -- I believe it's made for both men and women.
Indigo -- Yes. It's just a mental block thing with me, I guess.
Keypal -- I'm not sure which kind of Brand Y we make.
Indigo -- I also like Brand W - but have to be very careful to only use one squirt. It's a little overpowering. The Brand Y I use is yyyy. It's light and nice, and I don't need a trail of Frenchmen following me!! LOL!!
Keypal -- We had a Frenchman working with us for about 3 months. He was loving and leaving a female employee. When he came back she slammed the door in his face.
Indigo -- Served him right!!
Keypal -- He took the wife and me out for supper and he had the audacity to offer her the keys to his room!
Indigo -- LOL That's the French Way, I guess.
Keypal -- I guess.
Indigo -- Europeans are so different from us.
Keypal -- If he had understood English, I would have told him where to put his keys.
Indigo -- I hope your wife wasn't too mortified. The hand-kissing puts me off. I guess it's indicative of a gentleman in Europe -- but really - - - - -
Keypal -- Well, I managed to hold my tongue. The hand thing puts me off also.
Indigo -- Just different cultural mores. Tell the wife not to take offense. Take it as a compliment - and forget it.
Keypal -- Yes, I will. I'll never see the guy again anyhow.
Indigo -- When I attended professional conventions, I used to meet foreigners that I had spoken to on the telephone, or had correspnded with. Naturally, when I met them in person, I extended my hand to shake hands. A Swiss and a Polish guy grabbed it and planted a kiss! After that, I just nodded my head when I was introduced. Guess they thought it was the proper thing to do if a lady offered her hand.
Keypal -- Probably. At work you're lucky to get a hand shake from some of the foreigners. Most of them seem to think we're dirt unless they're sucking up.
Indigo -- A common attitude of foreigners, it seems. And from what I hear, some Americans are the same when travelling abroad.
Keypal -- There are many there that dislike America.
Indigo -- Oh but yes!
Keypal -- And I am one of those American travelers who dislikes them just as much.
After Keypal and I signed off, I got to thinking about the French. It appears that as far as the ubiquitous French "Boo, America" is concerned, the feeling is mutual. But it was not always so. The History Channel telecast a show last week of interviews with World War II veterans. Several of the gray, wrinkled vets had emotional overflows just telling of their European war experiences. But one old fellow, with a twinkle in his eye, told of marching into Paris to liberate the French from the Nazis. He remembered how the streets were lined with euphorically grateful Parisians as the American Army came into town. French girls, holding hands, would encircle an American soldier and not release him from the circle until he kissed every one of them, he said. The memory elicited a chuckle from the old vet. It may have been his only happy memory of the war.
"Boo, America!" How soon they forgot.
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
No profanity allowed against Sadam. No limits to the cruelty.
FROM THE MAIL BOX
With friends like the Saudis - - -
LEARNED IN NORTH CAROLINA
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in North Carolina.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in North Carolina, plus a couple no one's seen
Squirrels will eat anything.
Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls; it bites.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
People actually grow and eat okra.
Fixinto is one word.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.
Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.
Backards and forwards means I know everything about you.
'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're
done or it's too dark to see.
>^..^< Call me a profiler, a racist, or whatever floats your boat, but I am so weary of difficult-to-understand Mid-Eastern accents on TV that I've stopped watching TV news. Period. Will check back with the talking heads after my offended ears get a rest.
>^..^< Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Monday, December 02, 2002
Forgive the mess. We're working on it. But I need to tell you to go over to Rachel's and learn about her new project. Can you help?
Sunday, December 01, 2002
I was told by my Galactic Guru that this would be a good blog. Can't imagine who would be interested, but "ours is not to reason why". Ergo:
Doesn't seem to matter what part of the country one lives in, Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving. In our coastal area, the Season to Be Jolly is kicked off on Saturday night with an impressive regatta, known locally as The Christmas Flotilla. It really is quite beautiful. All the boats, both pleasure and commercial, are ingeniously decorated with every conceivable nautical motif, a la Christmas. The lights on the boats are awesome, and as each boat slides quietly down the Inland Waterway, the children (and adults too) vote with their ooohs and aaahs for their favorites.
As dark falls on the designated Saturday, the Flotilla launches from a nearby port city and travels down the Waterway about seven miles to a quaint little fishing village on the ocean, where it ends with great festivities. Santa Claus rides in the last boat, and when it docks at the village, he comes ashore to pass out goodies and gifts to the miniature Michelin tire people - who by then are Michelin popsicles.
So Saturday morning, I received a telephone call from a Marine Corps officer's wife (friends) proposing that she bring over a pot of chili to enjoy and warm up with after the Flotilla. These folks are from Texas, and since I had never had any authentic Texas chili, and her kids wanted to watch the Flotilla from the pier in front of my house, we quickly struck a deal.
Later in the day, another friend, Jackie, telephoned for chit-chatting and I mentioned to her that Captain and Mrs. Texan were coming over with a pot of chili. "Oh my!", said Jackie, "That'll be REAL Texas chilli made with beef, won't it? That should be delicious!" "Yes", I agreed, nonplussed. "I'm sure it will be much tastier than the chilli I make with possum!."
(Now, really. Wasn't that a long way to go for a Southern punchline? Told you, Guru!)
Epilog: The Flotilla was postponed due to high winds at dark. The chilli was mighty fine. I do believe it IS better with beef.