Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Is a Funk a Virus?
Could I catch a Funk virus thru email? If so, I think I have Francesca's. That's the bad news. The good news is she got over, and so will I. Mine is probably Fatigue Funk. A couple of days rest ought to fix me up and start me blogging as brilliantly as ever! (YR!) Meanwhile, in order not to exacerbate the Funk Virus, it will be necessary to avoid delving into serious subjects. Ergo, from my totally insipid and innocuous file, here are a few mildly amusing lines from Anonymous. Some of these may be from George Carlin; sound a lot like him, but he doesn't claim the list.
++ You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.
++ The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
++ Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
++ I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
++ I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
++ Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
++ I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
++ Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
++ If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
++ I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
++ There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-shit's.
++ If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades . . . now THAT'S a message!
++ Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
++ Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
++ If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
++ Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
++ Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.