Indigo Insights |
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Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation 
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Monday, June 30, 2003
Celebrity Representatives After I saw James Carville's anemic legs in an Infone commercial on tv, I couldn't help myself. I sent Infone the following email: To: customerservice@infone.com Cc: info@infone.com Subject: James Carville? Pu-Leeeeze! Bad choice for your representative. Do you have any idea how many people in the USA would like to see him impaled on a utility pole? Just FYI Indigo Swansboro, NC Infone response: Thank you for your feedback about Infone and our commercials involving Mr. Carville. We understand your concerns and appreciate your feedback and taking the time to write us. I have forwarded your comments to our Marketing Department Mr Carville is not a spokesman for infone, he is one of several celebrities we are using. We have several commercials which feature celebrities and non-celebrities. Today, we have a commercial which features Jesse Ventura, former governor of Minnesota in addition to James Carville. In addition, there are several other ads which feature non-celebrities ('Animal Control', 'Anniversary', and 'Wife's Birthday'). I have forwarded your feedback to our marketing teams. If you should require further information or have additional questions, please feel free to contact us at our web site (www.infone.com) or simply dial 1-888-411-1111. Thank You, Michael Coe, Infone Customer Service [Well, I was certainly fooled. I could have sworn Carville really was speaking for Infone, since he (or at least his legs) appeared in their commercial with his voice.] AND GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO, CHUCK! 9-11 Remembrance The Monkey-Man linked this from Sgt. Hook. The post begins with: "Sunday, June 29, 2003 -- Almost Two Years Now ... and I still can't watch this all the way through. After about two minutes I have tears streaming down my face, and I turn it off." Would that Sarandon, et al., be seat-belted into auditorium chairs and made to watch this on a loop the entire day of September 11. At the end of each hour, this should be shown. Interesting New Find In my midnight surfing last night, I came upon Margi Lowry's site. Here are some quotes from her page that indicate we have a lot in common. Except that Margi has a different URL, these observations could have been written by Indigo. MOF many of them are in Indigo archives. ++ "I'm a night owl. I always adored a silky black night sky, and I have always felt more creative when the rest of the world was asleep." ++ "Every semi-brilliant idea I have ever had has come to me, swiftly in the midnight. If I don't act, it's gone from me in the harsh morning light." ++ "one of my idols is Dorothy Parker" ++ (on cell phones) "There's a decided lack of common courtesy out there these days." ++ "I am a serious 'reality' person. I love COPS and New Detectives, The History Channel, stuff like that." ++ "if I am ever in a state such as that, where I am kept alive by machines only and there is no hope for anything resembling a normal existence -- pull the plug." And that's just scratching the surface. No telling what I'll find when I get into her archives! Sunday, June 29, 2003
More Omnium-Gatherum I checked. Baslow's still MIA! LOL Courtesy of Kevin, see this for some real knee slapping laughing out loud!!! Do Not Call In case you missed the Do Not Call Registry, it's here. Notice July and August are optimum months for registering. Sure hope this means "another one bites the dust" -- another cyber plague, that is. Stressed? Want to check on HOW stressed? Take this simple test. Interesting. If you test positive, you may need to go to Step 2 here. Southern Tips All manner of Northern tourists come for vacation and stay. We Southerners know what they're called, right? Anyhow, for those who transplant this year, these tips may be helpful. TIPS FROM SOUTHERNERS TO TRANSPLANTED NORTHERNERS..... 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of bein' right. 3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice doesn't mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. 6. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cookin', let alone eatin'. 7. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. 8. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitatin' a southern accent. 9. Get used to hearin', "You ain't from around here, are ya?" 10. People walk slower here. 11. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. 12. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 13. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. 14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say. 15. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinkin' on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. 16. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. 17. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter if you need anything from the store, it's just something you're supposed to do. 18. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. 19. As you are cursin' the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle. 20. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off tryin' to find it your own self. Saturday, June 28, 2003
Omnium-gatherum Been trying to think of a heading for today's posting other than the trite stuff. Potpourri is too overused. Miscellany infers literary work, a misnomer for sure. Mishmash is reminiscent of corn likker; none here. Hodgepodge is something my Mammy said; outdated in this millennium. Melange denotes a motley assortment; I hope not. Gallimaufry would work, since it's defined as "jumble" - but it sounds like something pornographic. In my search to trammel the trite, I found omnium-gatherum. What a nice word; and with a lot of class. NSB lawyers might like it! But, alas! Further search revealed Baslow's Electric Omniumgatherum (no hyphen) blog. Now the quandary: Baslow has not updated his site since March 11, 2002. Has he abandoned Omniumgatherum? Would it be plagiarism for me to use it? Am I on shaky legal ground? Oh phooey! It's only a heading. He's probably in Iraq anyhow. WELCOME HOME - NC STYLE CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. - More than 5,000 Marines and Sailors of 2d Marine Expeditionary Brigade returned to families and friends Sunday [June 22 blog below] after supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. Everything you may have wondered about is covered here at Military News. Bookmark it and visit Camp LeJeune often. Support Our Troops Make a statement at Home Front Heroes. If You Wanna Be Happy For the Rest of Your Life - - - See this "Make Room for Happiness" from WebMD. Don't knock it 'til you read it. And don't miss page 2. Forward This - - - straight to your grandparents if you're under 50. If they're a bit hard of hearing, tell them to turn up speakers. Sound or not, it's a nice read. A Must Read "Moral Stupidity", an essay by Orson Scott Card, courtesy of a link from Grouchy Old Cripple. DESTINED OR DETERMINED? A sky-diving instructor was asked, "How many successful jumps must a student make before he or she can become certified?" He answered, "All of them!" Sky diving, however, is the exception. Is your life built on a series of successes? Do you usually attempt something new and immediately succeed, then succeed again and again? More likely, you may find that it is the other way around. Your successes are often built on smaller failures. You fell off the bike a few times before you learned to ride. And you produced a few culinary failures before you baked a successful layered cake or prepared a satisfactory omelet. Tom Hopkins observes, "The number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep on trying." And Winston Churchill stated, "Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." They both agree that discouragement, rather than failure, is the enemy of success. Those who can remain hopeful and focused, though they fail, are those who will eventually succeed. In all, Emily Dickinson is said to have written more than nine hundred poems. Though only four were published in her lifetime and the first volume of her poetry was not published until four years after her death, Dickinson's success is attributed to the fact that she did not allow discouragement to keep her from her poetry.Where would we be today had Emily Dickinson lost her enthusiasm for writing? Because she kept her desire alive, we now remember her as one of the great poets of all time. It's good to remember that success may be just beyond the next failure, and you'll get there, not because you're destined to, but because you're determined to. This reading is found in Steve Goodier's book TOUCHING MOMENTS Friday, June 27, 2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAUGHTER-DEAR Hey Cute Nursey! Do you feel any older today? Man! When I think about how old YOU are, I surely do!!! Coincidentally, Yorkie Blog has published a real life story today that is perfect for your birthday. Don't miss it. It's a great substitute for the Yellow Pages. I even flipped a few pages myself! Received from a Catholic Friend (thereby giving me no claim to credit or censure) A man suffered a serious heart attack and had to have open heart surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how was he going to pay for the services the hospital had been providing. He was asked if he had health insurance. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun testily replied: "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law..." Ahead of His Time "There are many who find a good alibi far more attractive than an achievement. For an achievement does not settle anything permanently. We still have to prove our worth anew each day: we have to prove that we are as good today as we were yesterday. But when we have a valid alibi for not achieving anything we are fixed, so to speak, for life." Thomas Sowell says "This is just one of the pungent insights of Eric Hoffer, who died twenty years ago." Read entire essay here. You'll be impressed and uplifted. QUOTE: "Men often oppose a thing merely because they have had no agency in planning it, or because it may have been planned by those whom they dislike." ~ Alexander Hamilton Brief blogging today. I have to imagine I'm baking a birthday cake for my daughter! Thursday, June 26, 2003
Doors and Windows We've all heard about them, right? Some people believe God closes and opens them. Whatever you believe, if you think back over your life, or just start noticing now, you may agree it is true that when a Life Door closes, a Life Window opens. My hope and prayer is that the Window for Janis is opening and she will notice. Last Letter Home Read this last letter home, and check updated Final Roll here. How many never bought a beer? Please bookmark the Final Roll and visit it to remember American heroes who died for freedom. USS Clueless: Death courtesy of the Greenies: "In a conclusion I think few will find surprising, it now appears that Columbia was lost because foam insulation broke loose from its external fuel tank during boost and struck its wing, causing damage to the ceramic tiles on the wing which resulted in catastrophic failure during reentry. The foam on the fuel tank is sprayed on. In 1997 the formulation used was changed. The new version of the foam seems to be much less satisfactory and has a greater tendency to come off, and this change may end up being the "root cause" of the deaths of 7 good people. So why was the foam changed? The new foam is "environmentally friendly". The older formulation utilized Freon, the new one doesn't. And the danger from foam fragments was identified five years ago from analysis of the first flight to use the newer foam formulation..." (Thanks to The Misanthropyst, a wonderful North State blogger who doesn't join NSB because he's The Misanthropyst!) [he says] What a Great Cripple! Denny Wilson had a fabulous rant and fisk on Janeane Garofalo on June 23. Go here; scroll down to Cast Off and Janeane; then to "Saturday night, Michael told me about some actress he had seen ranting and raving on the Scarborough show. He couldn't remember her name, so I guessed Susan Saranwrap." Don't miss this. Walter Williams Says "The first priority is to stop thugs from making education impossible for everyone else." Read the rest of his commentary on education in Queens, NY. This article is a reality check for those of us who complain about our own school systems. From The Emperor "We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us." George Orwell Visit The Emperor and Leather Penquin . While you're at Misha's, read LT Smash's thoughts on the war so far and where we need to go from here. Kinnarneyisms ++The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ++ I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. ++ Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. ++ The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. ++ I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. Wednesday, June 25, 2003
How Can You Tell Who the Good Guys Are Anymore? Someone sent this link to me, presumably for my entertainment. But as stated in Monday's post, mean-spiritedness is not entertaining to me. I haven't seen any comparable Republican sites, but if anyone knows of one in the class of Evil GOP Bastards, please send the URL to indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com. Incidentally, the feature on Joe Scarboro in the Hall of Shame seems pretty close to libel to this layperson. How about it, North State Blog attorneys? Not PC Enough? It occurred to me that the Boudreaux adventures may not meet the standards of the PC Patrol. With dialect usage now so frowned upon, it gave me pause when I realized that I may have inadvertently committed an unforgivable PC sin. But then I thought: OK, Boudreaux is a Louisiana Cajun. He is also a male and he is white. I don't believe he is a protected species. Good! I'm exonerated. Now, if Italian Americans are also exempt from PC rules, I may get away with the following. MAIL CALL This may be just another ethnic joke - or not. Came to me from a friend in New Jersey. How authentic is that? (LOL - thanks, John) An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bedside. "Grandson, I wanna you lisin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead ?" "You lisina to me. Soma day you goina be runna da business, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a coupla bambinos. Some day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. "What you gonna do ? Point to you watch and say: "TIME'S UP"? This is the Captain Speaking Silflay Hraka made the link. But Bigwig's commentary is what not to miss: "Ahh, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. Please ignore the flames shooting out of the left engine. It's completely normal. Nothing to worry about. I'm only bothering to mention this because there's been a distressing incident where passengers, rather than placing all their unquestioning trust in the Captain and the sky waitresses, er, stewardesses, took matters into their own hands when it came to the issue of personal safety and undertook a profits eroding act of uncommanded passenger evacuation. "Ladies and Gentlemen, nothing is more embarrassing to a Captain than an act of uncommanded passenger evacuation. It's unheard of. Next thing you know sheep will start trying to herd dogs. I don't want to live in a world of uncommanded passenger evacuations, and I don't want to be bothered with having to explain to you that everything is a-ok anytime some little out of the ordinary thing happens. So, we at Delta airlines have adopted a new policy governing passenger behavior during flight. If you would all look at the shiny watch that the chief stewardess is holding up? Thank you. Look at the watch, how shiny it is. The longer you look, the shinier is it. You're getting sleepy, so sleepy.........Your eyelids are getting heavy......Sleeeeepy....You will not move from your seat during flight.......You will fly only on Delta Airlines.....You will never question the Captain, nor ask the Stewardesses for anything.....There is no man on the wing...." Cheap Helpful Hints (Disclaimer: If it seems too good to be true - - ) ++ Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately - without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers. ++ Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns? ++ Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose. ++ Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1/2 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes,then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles. ++ Sore Throat?? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 Tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. ++ Cure urinary tract infections with alka-seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product has never been advertised for this use. If We Are Facing in The Right Direction, All We Have To Do is To Keep On Walking. {Ancient Buddhist Expression} Tuesday, June 24, 2003
He's Off Again Ol' Chuck is gone to his favorite fishing hole for a few days. But, thoughtful soul that he his, he left a new Tale over at 'redneckin' for us to enjoy while he's gone. And with each successive story of his Alabama boyhood, he shoots down (honest, no pun intended!) child psychiatrists' current opinion that childhood violence may predict serial killer adulthood. Unless you count furry critters as victims, that is. Have fun Chuck. Rogue No More! And proud of it. How exciting to be re-categorized as a "Scattered Asteroid" by Jay Solo. A big step up from Rogue! Jay's new home reflects a whole lot of work that he can rightly be proud of. See it here. Lean On Me Glenn, over at Hi. I'm Black, could use a few verses from Ben E. King about now. Stop by and give him a cyber-friend's support. Further Adventures of Boudreaux, the Cajun Pierre and Boudreaux was flying Cajun Airlines to da Mardi Gras. Boudreaux was flying da plane, and Pierre was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff. Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncin around and Boudreaux got knock unconscious. Den da plane start driftin. Pierre come run up to da front an Boudreaux was sprawl out all over da steerin wheel. Well, Pierre don't know nuttin bout flyin an he start to get paniky. He grab da microphone and holla "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line 90210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscious an I don know nuttin about flyin dis plane!" "Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry a bout nuttin. We gonna splain how you to land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-own-tee! Jus leave anyting ta us. Fus, how high you are, an whas you position?" Pierre thought a minute, den say, "I'm five foot ten an I'm all da way to da front of da plane." "No! No!" answer da tower. "What you altitude, an where you location?" Pierre say, "Man, rat now ah got a po attitude, an ah'm from Thibodeaux, Laweezeeanna!" "No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "Ah needs to know how many feet you got off da groun an how you plane in relation to da airport!" Pierre, he start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Boudreaux's feets an mine togedder, we got fo feet off da groun an I don believe dis plane related to you airport!" A long pause ----- de silence was deafanin. "We needs to know whoo you next of kin.." Monday, June 23, 2003
My Political Split Personality In every so-called test or poll I've ever taken on political convictions, I always come out as moderate or centrist. I'm not a "party" person, and historically have voted for candidates from both parties on a split ticket. I can't in good conscience defend the actions of either party all the time. A lot of different men and political parties have gone in and out of the White House in my lifetime. Since they have been mortal (so far) men, they have all made mistakes. And since I don't have the tunnel vision of staunch "party people", I do not defend their mistakes. It is very disconcerting to me that over the last several years the chasms between our two national parties have become deeper and more bitter. Much of the generated venom, I feel, has damaged the health of our government, and hence our nation. Nobody enjoys a good laugh more than I. Political jokes and satire are great entertainment to me, but when the joke is cruel or hurtful, it stops being entertaining. Examples from each party: Hateful jokes about Amy Carter and vicious jokes about Bob Dole were totally tasteless and not funny. Amy was just a child. She was not a beautiful child, but many of the comedic remarks of the time went entirely too far. The same was true during Bob Dole's doomed campaign against Clinton. Both Amy and Dole were made the butt of jokes about their physical appearances. I can't abide cruelty to anyone, but especially to a child and to an American hero. Anyhow, here are two current examples of political "humor" for your perusal. See what, if anything, is funny to you. REPUBLICAN "HUMOR" As you've probably heard, Al Gore is consulting investors about possibly starting a television network. This means that you could innocently open up your TV Guide one morning, only to find something like this. GoreTV program schedule: 5 a.m.: "Wake up with Carville" – James Carville, the political pitbull and man who has allowed America to assign a face to its jock-itch, gets his own show. At long last, thanks to GoreTV, you can finally wake up with a guy like James Carville without a searing hangover and dramatically lower self-esteem. 6 a.m.: "OK, Rush Limbaugh Isn't That Fat Anymore, But He's Still An Idiot" – Al Franken hosts his very first talk show. Today's guests include author Norman Mailer, whose hearing-aid battery is so bad that he responds to every question by looking at his watch and saying "about a quarter to seven". 7 a.m.: "Good Morning, Anti-America" – Michael Moore and Sean Penn host. On today's show, Sean takes you on a photo tour of his trip to Iraq, along with tales of injuries he suffered after being run over by fleeing "human shields", and Moore's exclusive expose at a local medical clinic entitled, "How many people will ask me if I'm here to sell my plasma?" In the second hour, building expert Bob Vila joins Penn to help him construct a complete sentence. 9 a.m.: "Fishing with Ted" – Today, Sen. Kennedy discusses which spinner works best to hook an Oldsmobile, and special guest, Sen. Chris Dodd, helps Ted snag a waitress with a 40-pound test pickup line and three bottles of Chivas. 10 a.m.: "We Had To Give Phil Donohue A Two-Hour Show Or He Wouldn't Invest" – Today, Phil takes calls from the show's viewer. Noon: "Fries 'n Lies" – N.Y. Rep. Jerrold Nadler and columnist Molly Ivins discuss issues of the day over a vat of chili-cheese fries. On today's show, nothing is compromised (except perhaps the architectural integrity of the stage) as Ivins accuses President Bush of lying about WMD's in Iraq and complains about people who are always mistakenly trying to hire her to get poltergeists out of their homes, while the outspoken Nadler takes a stand on undersalted fries. 12:30 p.m.: "Dope Operas" – Spend an afternoon with GoreTV's political dramas, including "One Life to Tax", "The Borked and the Beautiful", and demagoguery rules the day on "The Guiding Fright". 4 p.m.: "GoreTV After School Special – 'The Secret In Barney Frank's Apartment.'" 6 p.m.: Half-hour of continuous out-of-context tape loop of Newt Gingrich saying "Wither on the vine." 6:30 p.m.: – Simulcast of the CBS Evening News. 7 p.m.: "What a Dick!" – Rep. Richard Gephardt stars. In today's episode, Dick scares the elderly with tales of starvation via Republican initiated Medicare cuts in favor of tax breaks for the wealthy. Watch, and you too will join the rest of the country in saying, "What a Dick!" 8 p.m.: "Who Wants To Be An Ex-Millionaire?" In-depth profiles of investors in GoreTV. In tonight's episode, chief fundraiser for GoreTV, Joel Hyatt, discovers investors' portfolios have sunk so far that he's forced to use his last thousand dollars to rent a bathysphere to go down and find them. 9 p.m.: "Trading Spaces ... and Wives" – Former President Bill Clinton revisits Arkansas to host this show with a very interesting twist on the original series from the Learning Channel. 10 p.m.: "C.S.I.: DNC" – Tonight, a forensics team struggles to uncover the mystery behind what killed the Democrat Party. 11 p.m.: "I am too President!" – Al Gore helps satisfy America's hunger for reality television, allowing cameras to follow him around his house. Tonight's episode: Still in denial, Al has a "cabinet meeting" with two potted plants and a bottle of Old Spice, then holds a State Dinner for an Irish setter. 11:35 p.m.: "GoreTV Late Movie: The ThornByrds, Part I" – The story begins in the early 1930s, when a member of the Ku Klux Klan and future United States senator falls in love with an African-American woman, engulfing him in an emotional personal struggle as he's faced with choosing between his forbidden fruit, and his cross-burning gool-ol'-boy pals. Will he choose head sheets, or bed sheets? Find out tonight. 2 a.m.: "Robbins & Sarandon Overnight" – Join Tim and Susan as their synapses misfire like the original spark plugs on a '71 Buick Skylark. When these two put their heads together, it creates a vacuum that makes even the most powerful Hoover green with suck-envy. 4:30 a.m.: Test pattern. Join GoreTV's highest-rated program, soon to be expanded to all time periods. "Must Flee TV!" Catch it before it's cancelled. DEMOCRAT "HUMOR" 21 Rules For Being A Good Republican You have to believe that the nation's current 8 year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. You have to be against government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time. You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate only same-gender marriages and what your official language should be. You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes. You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives. You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution. You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere and that Europe doesn't exist. You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away. You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading. You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol and tobacco . You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any. You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein. You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that that bastard Clinton should have been impeached. (Ed. Note: Comments or observations are encouraged, and may be emailed to indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com.) Sunday, June 22, 2003
WELCOME HOME! A glorious day on the North Carolina Coast! Our Marines are landing!! They are unloading on Radio Island as I type. Radio Island is about 40 miles from Camp LeJeune and the Marines will be driven home on chartered busses. The highway bringing them home is named "Freedom Way" - which says it all. It says Highway 24 belongs to our heroes. It's their return route back to home and family every time they come back. The entire 40 miles is festooned with flags, yellow ribbons, patriotic signs affixed to telephone polls (These are permanent signs, purchased and maintained by local towns, that go up and down in conjunction with deployments.), and bed sheets. Yes. Bed sheets. A long time ago, some ingenious wife hit on the idea of painting a special "love and welcome home to (fill in rank and name)" on a sheet and attaching it to the chain link fence that runs along Highway 24 for many miles. It seems to be a tradition now. The sheet graffiti covers every possible welcome message. The most touching are from the children. "Welcome Home, Daddy. We love you." The closer the busses get to Camp LeJeune, the closer together the sheets hang on the fence. The linen sections of local department stores flourish, I'm sure, because literally hundreds of hand-painted sheets are up by homecoming day. Even the sun came out in all its brilliance today, after many days of rain, to welcome our wonderful guys and gals back to the Crystal Coast of North Carolina. The pride and love for the United States Marine Corps and Navy is unabashedly displayed here by family and civilian residents. And we're all so happy they're back. Thanks to all our military personnel for a job well done. indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Profuse Apologies and Thanks To all who patiently (or NOT!) waited the interminable horrendous five days while Indigo Insights was being "tweaked". Yeah, right. Like a MOAB tweaks! And very special thanks to "The Job" of North State Blogs, if not the entire internet: Tony of Trojan Horseshoes. The Gift of Patience will serve him well in his new adventure into fatherhood. Followers of this shabby page should know that there would be one less North State Blog if not for him. Maybe I can blame my obtuseness on faulty vision; the template appeared to me like hieroglyphics on the wall of an Eqyptian tomb. Actually, Eqyptian tomb scratchings are clearer than Blogger's scratchings! I just about lost it, but Tony persevered. At one point last night before everything "magically" appeared as it should be, I told a friend I was getting into my car and driving to Camp LeJeune and crashing through the main gate, so the Marine guards would shoot me and get me out of my misery!!! (I love drama. Don't you?) But back to Blog World. Here's a fishing story to welcome Ocean Guy to NSB. OK. So it's a Louisiana fishing story. Make the leap, Ocean Guy. Cajun Blackened Fish Story Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mout. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin, so Boudreaux had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mout open and got de frog and puts it in his baitcan. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some draps into de snake's mout. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and hs body go limp. Wit Dat Boudreaux toss's dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare dat water mocassin was with two frogs in his mout. Fear leads to Anger Anger leads to Hate Hate leads to Suffering {Yoda - Star Wars} Monday, June 16, 2003
DOG DAYS OF SUMMER Yes, I know the first day of summer is not until Saturday - June 21st. But since A/C has been off and on here since March - and continuously for weeks - today is close enough for me! Quotes from the Dog Run "No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -Fran Lebowitz "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." -Will Rogers "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -Ben Williams "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." -Josh Billings Dedicated to The Axis of Weevil In Alabama, a good ol' boy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that crap he told you." More Dog Run Quotes "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -Andrew A.Rooney "We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." -M .Facklam "Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate." -Sigmund Freud "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -James Thurber "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -Robert Benchley Cold Water Jim Bob went to visit his 90 year old grandpa in a secluded, rural area of the state. The next morning, Grandpa prepared breakfast for them, consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned Grandpa......"Are these plates clean?" Grandpa replied...."Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandpa made for lunch, Jim Bob noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes....so he asked again...."Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his hamburger, Grandpa said......"I told you before, Jim Bob, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!" Later that afternoon, as Jim Bob was on his way out the door to get the newspaper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass......."Grandpa, your dog won't let me out." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, Grandpa shouted........"Coldwater, move!" Final Dog Run Quotes "Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." -Dave Barry "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." -Unknown "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -Anne Tyler A Pious Dog Story This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in a particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally quickly, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called in the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. Well, they said. "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration and bowed his head. Parting Shots Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving Saturday, June 14, 2003
Sing Along Israeli police are looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting in the port city of Haifa. The suspect is described as the son of an ex-nun from Barcelona and a German father. He was a former flutist and worked occasionally as a farmer. In short, he was a Haifa-lootin, flutin Teuton, son of a nun from Barcelona, part time plowboy Joe. Hmmmmmmmmm Chuck says "Your mother was right. It can rot your brain and destroy society." WWHD I just found the Doug Powers article "WWHD: What Would Hillary Do?" by following Grouchy Old Cripple's links. WWHD, plus a list of more "hmmmmmmm" stuff, kept me LOLing a long time on GOC's blog. Caveman Narrator The much touted Walking with Cavemen will be televised tomorrow night at 8:00 on the Discovery Channel. Discovery and History channels, plus a few talking heads, furnish the majority of my tv viewing and I have been looking forward to the Cavemen show. Discovery Channel has announced and hyped the show for a couple of weeks now. The date is circled on my calendar to assure I wouldn't miss it. TV Guide has several promos in print this week, but until yesterday I had seen no mention of a narrator in the television spots. Now I learn that in the tradition of Discovery Channel's realism, an authentic caveman will be narrating. Alec Baldwin certainly appeared Neanderthal in the televised Bush-bashing hissy-fit he threw on the Tonight Show a couple of months ago. Anyhow, I pass. I really can't take two hours of Baldwin. Apropos Follow-Up Here is a sampling of exactly what Buster was referring to in the June 12 comment on Gut Rumbles. Some glaring foul-ups of the English language by various tv talking heads, overheard and noted this past week: ++ "He went with Mike and I." ++ "She passed the dessert tray to Jane and I." ++ "Between you and I" ++ "Him and I started that tv show." ("Me" is an almost obsolete pronoun, usage diminishing in favor of "I" - regardless of which case is required. Pronouns in general are misused.) ++ "He could have went." ++ "They should have went." ++ "I should have came up with a better excuse." ++ "There was only three people." (Those pesky verb tenses are impossible!) ++ Listen for this one: The verb "has" is being replaced by "is" by many lazy enunicators. Ex: "The Pentagon is replaced some outdated weapons." "That is been an ongoing problem." ++ And the ubiquitous mispronunciation or our nation's capital and my home state, repeated by Bryant Gumbel every morning for years and now heard everywhere: Alas, the 'ing" has disappeared from WashINGton, as well as the "o" in CarOlina. Friday, June 13, 2003
From Gut Rumbles Comments Posted by Buster at June 12, 2003 06:40 PM I think Neal Boortz said it best, so I won't try to top him - "If you wrote down on 5x7 index cards what the average American college student knows about economics, wadded those index cards up into one spit wad, and then shoved that spit wad up an ant's butt, it would rattle around in there like a BB in a boxcar." What do you expect? Compared to 100 years ago, our "average" students are idiots. I am more intelligent than the average bear, or so I like to think. For grins and giggles I took a HIGH SCHOOL exit exam from 1895. I learned very quickly I am a freakin' moron. High school students of 100 years ago were doing COLLEGE level work - or what we call college level today - so how can we expect more educated people from a system that continually lowers expectations. As a businessman, I don't care how Johnny feels about himself. Can Johnny read at a college level, do math at a college level, or THINK at a college level? Let Johnny contemplate his navel on his own time. On MY time, I expect him to perform by the standards *I* set. That might mean Johnny might have to WORK! Damn right, just like I have to. Vacation time? I am about to take my first one in 12 years. Why do you DESERVE more than I do? You may EARN it from me, but don't expect me to hand it over for the asking. And there lies the problem. We have collectively raised a generation that thinks the world really DOES owe them a living. Shame on us. No wonder so many run around with their hands out. Or in the words of Pogo - we have seen the enemy, and they is us! Six Presidents On a Sinking Ship: Ford puzzles, "What do we do?" Bush yells, "Man the lifeboats!" Reagan mutters, "What lifeboats?" Carter orders, "Women first!" Nixon rants, "Screw the women!" Clinton says, "You think we have time?" >^..^< PUSSYFOOTIN' >^..^< "I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic." >^..^< "My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes." >^..^< "Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." >^..^< The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. >^..^< My next house will have no kitchen---just vending machines and a large trash can. >^..^< My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite." >^..^< What's the difference in Friday Five and Indigo Friday? Cut and paste. Thursday, June 12, 2003
(Note: TWGAS: The following was first posted (or attempted) at 7:00. It didn't go up. This is the second attempt. I'm blaming the foul-up on Blogger changes! And crossing my fingers before I continue.) It's Getting Better Only took four tries to get Francesca's name linked on yesterday's blog. Maybe I'll have better luck today. And nevermind that I had only a mini-clue about what was going on at the old Blogger page, now they have completely redone it. Re-learn again! Blogging used to be fun. Just type away on my thoughts and then alert family members and Blog Daddy (Chuck) that there was a new posting. When I retired from publishing, I promised myself that I would never (never say never!) work under the pressure and constraints of deadlines again. See, the thing was, when Blog Daddy pushed me into Blog World - much as my real life daddy pushed me into the woods to learn to hunt - I was the quintessential newbie. Sergeant Schultz knew more than I did. In 16 months I've learned a little more than the Sergeant, but not much. During these months, the spirit of Blanche DuBois has enveloped me time and time again -- perhaps much like the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt enveloped Hillary. The truth (Laid Bear - ha!) is that without the input and patience of such Blogosphere Saints as Chuck, Uncle Terry, Cousin Bubba, Jay Solo, Tony Hooker, the sagacious Professor McGehee, and others to whom I apologize for not being able to readily remember, even this paltry page would not exist. There's lots more to be said in this vein, and lots more to do to make Indigo Insights an acceptable blog site, but for today I just wanted to remind those "kind strangers" that I am daily mindful of to whom I owe mega thanks. Sincerely, Blance DuBois aka Indigo Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Is a Funk a Virus? Could I catch a Funk virus thru email? If so, I think I have Francesca's. That's the bad news. The good news is she got over, and so will I. Mine is probably Fatigue Funk. A couple of days rest ought to fix me up and start me blogging as brilliantly as ever! (YR!) Meanwhile, in order not to exacerbate the Funk Virus, it will be necessary to avoid delving into serious subjects. Ergo, from my totally insipid and innocuous file, here are a few mildly amusing lines from Anonymous. Some of these may be from George Carlin; sound a lot like him, but he doesn't claim the list. ++ You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking. ++ The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content. ++ Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative. ++ I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" ++ I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast. ++ Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." ++ I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here. ++ Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. ++ If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ++ I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. ++ There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-shit's. ++ If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades . . . now THAT'S a message! ++ Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley. ++ Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. ++ If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? ++ Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? ++ Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. Monday, June 09, 2003
Tilt! Happy to report an error in previous post. Tightly Wound IS apparently written by a woman -- and with BIG ARMS too!!! Sorry I missed you earlier, fellow female. People Americans Look Up To??? Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." A congressional candidate in Texas. "Half this game is ninety percent mental." Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Al Gore, Vice President "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." Dan Quayle "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" Lee Iacocca "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." Bill Clinton, President "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." Al Gore, VP "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman More New Members Membership in North State Blogs continues to grow every day. But still no women (as far as I know). Come on NC ladies. Surely I'm not the only one around with a computer and time to kill! heh Bush Lied For a fact-filled synopsis of the VLWC lie that "Bush Lied", read this long, but worthwhile, piece from InstaPundit, courtesy of Trojan Horseshoes Tony. Sunday, June 08, 2003
North State Blogs Thanks to the organizational skills of Tony at Trojan Horseshoes, plus a whole lot of his time, North State Blogs went up June 2. Take a browse. See if you know any of the members. Caste Iron A while back somebody asked about caste iron frying pans. Hope whoever it was sees this because right here is what everyone should know. Learned a thing or two myself, and my main pan is about 70 years old. Not me. The pan. It's been thru a lot. Including WW2. Final Roll Call This will give you pause and be thankful for our men who served us and gave their all. A cursory count of KIAs here showed 30 who never bought a beer. Baseball SeasonThis one seems to come around a couple of times a year. And that's a good thing because it enables those who missed it before to read it on the rebound. Snopes says it happened in Brooklyn and the first version was published in a book as "Perfection at the Plate." Especially good read for fathers of Little League age ball players. Truisms from Gregus ++The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. ++If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. ++You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any. ++I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. Can you fool the kitty? Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Rogue Gallery Yes It's Me and I'm a Rogue Again. (thanks Fats) I don't have the talent or the patience to report on the last four days of busy, busy, therefore, with apologies to Blog Uncle, here's a brief recap of excuses: Long weekend with guests; trips to vet, last two days. Lots of water over Indigo Dam since last blog, both Online and Offline. Dam Highlights: Acidman retires Francesca returns Chuck back, but with little time to blog Acidman returns - with a vengeance Compleat Redneck got back just under the wire before being named a Rogue Tony working hard for The Good Old North State Condolences to Janis McGehee keeps on keeping on Jay Solo still at work Grouchy Old Cripple has only one usuable finger (wonder which?) Emperor Misha still the monarch And Hillary DIDN'T KNOW!! |
