Indigo Insights

Friday, March 05, 2004

>^..^< WELCOME TO THE WORLD, my new great-grandson, Cooper!!

>^..^< NORTH STATE BLOGGERS: The "last update time" will not stay current for me. Sorry. Yesterday was the first time it updated in about a week. And, as usual, I don't know what the problem is.

>^..^< Fun quiz: "What Your Music Tastes Say About You"

>^..^< John Kerry's Defense Defense (By popular request from my Lib friends who want "countering" to "the Demo smear article you have posted from Mort Kon Hacky.") NOTICE: This is a one-time, un-precedent-setting "counter". No others need apply, as I will select my own "counters" in accordance with my Centrist persona, per the Quiz site noted above. I acquiesced to an old friend on this one.

>^..^< Yellow Dog is going to explain to you one more time why you can't have Bill Clinton again for president OR vice-president. Would you believe a big ole yellow dog would know more about the Constitution than a "law professor"???

>^..^< Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta has a video -- but you have to go to his page to get the link. Watch for GOC's headline: Piss Off a Liberal from March 3.

>^..^< Could you find enough spare time to adopt a soldier? He or she is giving you ALL their time right now. Black Five has linked to Soldier's Angels where you can learn all about it.


What's So Super About ''Super Tuesday''?
Posted by Doc Farmer
Wednesday, March 03, 2004

How many of you out there were fed up with the primaries even before they started? Raise your hands. Okay, five, six, seven, million....

As I write this article, the polls are closing in Ohio, one of ten states holding their primaries on the same day. A so-called ''Super'' Tuesday. Candidates run around the country like headless chickens (see also: their normal mode) trying to get delegates for the upcoming waste of time known as a ''convention.'' They spend their time, their effort, and masses of money trying to show that Dubya is bad, and they are good. Shucks, they could record a tape message and just play it over and over again – that’s in effect all they’re selling on the lib/dem/soc/commies side.

But the delegate/convention system is a joke. Why? Because the outcome is already a foregone conclusion. Kerry (or Botox Boy as I am wont to call him) is going to get the nod. He’ll choose Hellary to be his veep (see also: she’ll demand it, he’ll relent) and they’ll go on to whine constantly about Dubya, right up to (and probably after) the election. Edward’s staying in the running to get some planks added in to the DNC platform, but that’s all he’ll accomplish.

And a platform. What the heck is that anyway? High-falutin’ words and concepts that are promptly ignored as soon as the candidate (from either side) gets into office.

My beef with the delegate/convention system? Well, first of all, it’s not very ''democratic.'' Now, granted, America is not--nor was it ever meant to be--a democracy. But there are some democratic precepts in the selection of representatives in a Constitutional Republic. And they’re not in effect in a ''Super Tuesday'' electoral world.

Californians are part of the Super Tuesday crowd today. And they’ve got a lot of delegates to offer up to Kerry. And they will, willingly. Same with our Buckeye neighbors. But what about us Hoosiers? We don’t have our primaries until May. The delegate count will already be up past the winning point for Kerry well before our primary. So, what happens to the voice of the people in Indiana?

It’s lost. Forgotten. Ignored.

Oh, Indiana will send delegations to both conventions. But what’s the point? Will Indiana be allowed to make its voice heard? Or will it be forced to go along with the tide?

As usual, it falls to me to solve this problem. I solved the voting problem last year, so I’ll solve the delegate/convention problem this time. And, as an added bonus, I’ll fix the Campaign Finance Reform that Congress so elegantly screwed up.

First, have all primaries on the same day. A ''Super-Duper Tuesday'' as it were. The first Tuesday following the first Monday in June. This will keep the election from being held on June 1. All states will open their polls at the same time – 12:00 noon GMT – which means that the polls would open at 0700 in New York, and 0400 in Los Angeles, and 0200 in Honolulu (Sorry about that, Hawaii). The polls would then close 16 hours later, meaning that there would be plenty of time for people to get their votes in. And, since all the polls would close simultaneously, all of that jumping-the-gun stuff that the networks have committed would be abolished.

Now, this would solve a myriad of problems, except one. Costs. Presidential campaigns are obscenely expensive. And long and annoying as well, but that’s a different story. So, how would you fix this?

Well, first off, since you’d be reducing the campaign time down to a single set of nationwide primaries, you could cut the travel costs right there. But that’s still not enough. So, here are my suggestions.

The cost of any campaign cannot exceed the salary of the job the guys are running for. This is not to be used as an excuse to raise their salaries to $150 million a year, either....

All National radio and television networks shall donate commercial time in the following manner:

60 minutes: presidential finalists (each)

15 minutes: presidential candidates prior to the primary (each)

All local radio and television stations shall donate commercial time in the following manner:

30 minutes: presidential finalists (each)

15 minutes: senatorial finalists (each)

10 minutes: congressional finalists (each)

5 minutes: presidential candidates prior to the primary/caucus (each)

3 minutes: senatorial/congressional candidates prior to the primary/caucus (each)

All local/regional newspapers shall donate print space in the following manner (either in full or in equivalent column inches - )

1 full page: presidential finalists (each)

1 half page: senatorial finalists (each)

1 quarter page: congressional finalists (each)

1 eighth page: presidential candidates prior to the primary/caucus (each)

1 eighth page: senatorial/congressional candidates prior to the primary/caucus (each)

All press shall be eligible, indeed encouraged, to freely investigate the claims of candidates as made in speeches, campaign ads, and prior public office voting records.

All candidates shall be eligible to do the same, provided they can back up their claims with verifiable data. If they are found to have violated this rule, they are disqualified from continuing in the campaign and their opponent shall win by default (except the presidential finalists, but then they can get their butts kicked by their opponents and the press without rebuttal).

All candidates shall be required to participate in town meetings, roundtables and debates. Provided, of course, that they directly answer questions instead of giving those same evasive and crappy answers that don’t really say a damn thing.

Franking privileges for incumbent senators and representatives shall be withdrawn if any of their material is used to run for re-election or to endorse somebody else as their replacement if they’re retiring (see also: got caught with three hookers in a crack house while taking bribes from Al Qaeda terrorists).

Donations shall be limited to $50 per person per candidate. Hey, if they’re getting free TV, radio and newspaper ads - the rest should cover gas, tolls and lunch.

Donations from unions, corporations, special interest groups, lobbyists, sewing circles, chess clubs, and covens shall be limited to $5 per group per candidate.

If you ain’t in the first two groups, don’t even think about donating (see also: Tibetan Monasteries).

Oh, and one more thing. If you want to say something about a candidate or incumbent, you can do that at any time up to the time the polls open. It’s a little thing I like to call ''freedom of speech.'' Something the Congress, and the Supreme Court, seem to have forgotten about.

Doc Farmer, a former resident of Qatar in the Middle East, now writes and follows national politics from his home in Indiana.

This Article Was First Published At:

QUOTABLES -- Steven Wright

*****A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
*****For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
*****The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
*****The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
*****To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
*****You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."