Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation

 

posted by HCL at 5:36 PM

 
Merry Christmas!


On the Night Before the Non-Denominational Winter Holiday, I'll be heading to Greenville to spend said holidays with my family. Don't know yet exactly when I'll return, but in the interim there'll be little, if any, computer action. Hope all my blogosphere buddies and other friends have beautiful family memories to take into the New Year. And remember to pray for our military!

Indigo


A Parting Thought

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "Heaven help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."


INCOMING
from Uncle Don

HAPPY NEW YEAR

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any money because I gave IT to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. (PDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
posted by HCL at 12:35 PM

 



THE TWELVE CATS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree
My 12 cats were laughing at me.

On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the fourth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the fifth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the sixth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
6 fallen angels
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 miss! ing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the seventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
7 half-dead rodents
6 fallen angels
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the eighth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
8 shattered ornaments
7 half-dead rodents
6 fallen angels
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the ninth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
9 chewed-through light strings
8 shattered ornaments
7 half-dead rodents
6 fallen angels
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the tenth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
10 tinsel hairballs
9 chewed-through light strings
8 shattered ornaments
7 half-dead rodents
6 fallen angels!
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
11 broken branches
10 tinsel hairballs
9 chewed-through light strings
8 shattered ornaments
7 half-dead rodents
6 fallen angels
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.

On the twelfth day of Christmas I looked at my poor tree
12 cats a-climbing
11 broken branches
10 tinsel hairballs
9 chewed-through light strings
8 shattered ornaments
7 half-dead rodents
6 fallen angels
5 shredded gifts
4 males a-spraying
3 missing Wise Men
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.
posted by HCL at 1:01 AM

 
Shopping Rules for Men's Gifts


Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, Lowes, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football, hockey or basketball game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a Chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.
posted by HCL at 1:35 PM

 
COUNT -- Do Not Question -
My Blessings

For no discernible reason, other than the remote possibility that Oral Roberts came through my bedroom last night without waking the Rottweiler, my vertebrae behaved much better today. There have been so many things I've been wanting to post about for so many days that I hardly know where to begin during this little respite from pain. I'll start with a follow-up to my flag post of November 14, which was:


TAKING DOWN THE FLAG

The flag at the front of my house had an especially sad appearance on Veteran's Day. The terrific, unceasing winds that blow here at the ocean make a flag's survival time very brief. The tattered end had concerned me for several weeks and I vowed that if it could make it through Veteran's Day, I would retire Old Glory and start with a new one next year. My daughter has a colleague whose husband is a former Marine, now on disability. He performs a public service by properly disposing of worn out flags. I'm going to send my flag to him in Greenville to assure a correct burning ceremony. I feel better about it being handled by a veteran.


THE FOLLOW-UP
Flag Burning Ceremony

Telephone call from Miss Edna (the daughter)

Miss E: Hey, Mother. Wanted to tell you about my conversation with Brian.
Me: Oh, you've already talked with him?
Miss E: Yep. I called him tonight and told him I had a big favor to ask of him, and he said "What can I do for you, darlin'?"
Me: He's a sweet boy alright.
Miss E: So I told him about your obsession with the Marine Corps and admiration for everything Marine, your patriotism, and your worn out flag, and how much better you'd feel about burning it if a bona fide Marine conducted the ceremony, etc. And Brian said "Sure, I'll do that for your mama, honey."
Me: I knew he would. A real dear, that Brian.
Miss E: Then I told him "There's just one catch to it, Brian." "What's that?" he asked. "Well, Mother said she'd be ecstatically happy if you would perform the burning ceremony wearing your dress blues."
--------------------------- Looooooooooooooong pause ----------------------- At which point I just couldn't hold it together any longer and I guffawed. "I'm only kidding, Brian." I said. "Oh, thank the Lord," says Brian, "I couldn't get in those dress blues anymore!"

About two weeks later Miss Edna called me to report that the flag ceremony had been held and Brian asked her to report on it to me. He said that his wife helped him with the ceremony and at the end they both saluted. Now I call that a wonderful gesture from a young Marine to make an old biddy happy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Brian and Gina. Semper Fi and God Bless America and the United States Marine Corps.


>^..^<

>^..^< Here's a fun little Christmas exercise you'll really enjoy. I would love to see the finished product of the Charming Guy, plus GOC-Atlanta and GOC-Winston Salem. MOF, you fellows, if you take on this fun little time waster, would you please email the results to me?

>^..^< JUST IN: The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outsideof Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

>^..^< If you're not keeping an eye on The World of Leshaun Fossett, you're missing some great stuff from a budding writer, and possible future leader. This kid has it going on. Have I ever lied to you? And please leave him a comment so he'll know you stopped by.

>^..^< Until the next time, Dear Friends and Gentle People. Thanks for the respite, Oral. Please sneak in again soon.
posted by HCL at 10:50 PM

 
Captain B has a special message for Senator Murtha:


"We as Marines care for one another, police our own and hold each other accountable for our actions. We are Marines by choice; we don’t make policy we enforce it and we do it together as one team, one voice. Apparently this is something Senator Murtha has forgotten. He isn’t caring for your Marines or America. He isn’t speaking with one voice and by pulling out of Iraq or Afghanistan before we are done is treason. He continues with his damage control techniques but it too late, Senator. As I sat next to him in Haditha Iraq during his visit and he pounded on the table with his closed fist and stated we are behind you and we want to finish this. Well Sir you finished this alright although Im not talking about Iraq, Im talking about your career and your respect. You have lost the respect of the brotherhood. You have failed to take care of your junior Marines, Sir! You have to live with that on your conscious. I would rather be dead than disrespect all of the fallen Marines as you have."

Please read Capt B's entire post here. It's another 'from the heart and guts of a Marine' piece you won't want to miss.

UPDATE
I do not blog for popularity, money or fame. I simply want to share with you what your Marines are doing here in Iraq and to build the American spirit. That’s why I blog.

One Marine’s view has been nominated for “Best Military Blog of the Year” Voting for this blog site is great however I am simply taken back and am grateful to be nominated by you. That is an award in itself to your Marines. Winning awards is one thing and its along the same reasons as why the Marine Corps doesn’t have a football team like the Army, Navy or Airforce. We don’t protect a quarterback, we protect a country and we are sincerely honored to do that for America.

This is why I have put this in the comments section instead of a blog entry. The real focus is you and your support for your Marines. If we have your support, we have already won all of the awards we need and most importantly we will continue to win the war on terrorism.

I speak for all the Marines in harms way when I say thank you all for stopping by during your busy schedule and supporting your Marines.

Semper Fidelis and God Bless you and America, Capt B

http://weblogawards.org/2005/12/ ...litary_blog.php

http://milblogging.com/ top100.ph...00ab5ffee57bab4

Capt B | 12.10.05 - 4:14 pm | #
posted by HCL at 10:15 PM

 
In tonight's blog surfing, there was much to catch up. I wish I had seen this earlier, but with Tookie's "appointment with destiny" coming up in a couple of days, Leshaun Fossett's post of last week is still timely. Here's a direct pastie for anyone else who may have missed Leshaun's post.


Sunday, December 04, 2005
Stanley Williams is guilty and must pay

I’ve known about Stanley “Tookie” Williams for years. I first read about him when he was putting out his children’s books. They were immensely popular, you must know: the first title sold 220 copies; the second produced two sales.

Being largely unimpressed by his penning of these books (as you can tell by my tone above), I never thought of him as some sort of hero, anti-gang crusader; I really had no opinion of him. I’d all but forgotten about him, because he was one of those unremarkable people you read about everyday.

Then, of course, as of late, all these Hollywood types are now rallying for this man to have his life spared. You see, he’s set to die via lethal injection next week. With everything falling into place as the date of December 13th draws nearer, the only thing that can save Williams now is Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I’m hoping the governor will do the right thing and let the law serve its purpose. Stanley Williams caused nothing but pain to his community and he passed this horrible trait on to his children, who are also murderous thugs.

Williams, the founder of the infamous street gang the Crips, is sitting in jail right now for the murders of four unlucky people who happened to be in the path of this thug and his cronies in early 1979.

As stated in court documents, Williams and his friends got high and decided to rob a store. Behind the counter of a 7-Eleven store was Albert Owens, a 26-year-old veteran who was trying to make an honest living for himself. It was around 4am on February 28, 1979 in Pomona, California.

After pulling a shotgun on Owens, Williams forced him to get on the floor on his knees. He proceeded to shoot Owens twice in the back, killing him. Williams later made fun of the choking sounds Owens made as he laid on the floor bleeding to death.

The haul: $120. A hard working, honest man had to lose his life because a bunch of thugs weren’t willing to do what he was doing when he died: work.

Williams’ next victims were also hard working people. On March 11th, 1979, Mr. Yen-I Yang, 76, his wife, 63-year-old Tsai-Shai Yang and their daughter, 43-year-old Yee-Chen Lin were all killed when Williams forced his way into the motel the couple from Taiwan owned to rob them.

He walked away from the incident with $100. When referring to the murder with friends, he called the Yangs “Buddha heads”.

Williams claims he is innocent because there is no DNA evidence that proves that he did it. Well, nothing of that magnitude excludes him either. Besides the testimony of people who were there as he committed these crimes, Williams himself confessed to them, even giving details such as the precise number of shots fired and other details that had not been revealed and that only someone who was there would have known.

Here is a list of good deeds Williams has been doing since his arrival in jail, compiled by the good folks at WorldNetDaily:

· a violent fight with another inmate June 30, 1981, in which he repeatedly struck the prisoner while kneeling over him;

· a refusal to line up for a return to his cell Jan. 26, 1982, in which he threatened a guard;

· throwing a chemical substance in the eyes of a guard Jan. 28, 1982, in an attack that resulted in chemical burns and emergency treatment;

· a second attack on a guard with a chemical substance Jan. 29, 1982;

· an attack on another inmate Feb. 16, 1984, in which Williams only stopped beating the prisoner when a warning shot was fired;

· a threat to kill a guard June 8, 1984;

· the beating of another inmate July 4, 1986 that only ceased when armed officers arrived on the scene;

· another fight with an inmate that led to his own stabbing, reportedly retaliation for his ordering another inmate to be stabbed;

· his continued association with the Crips street gang led to administrative segregation Oct. 19, 1988;

· the beating of another inmate Dec. 24, 1991, that only stopped after a warning shot was fired;

· another fight with other inmates July 6, 1993, in which a stabbing instrument (shank) was recovered.

His “good behavior” and “role-model” nature kept him in solitary confinement for nearly six years.

After the jury found him guilty of these murders, passing the jury foreman, Williams mouthed these words to him: “I'm going to get each and every one of you motherf---ers”.

Williams is still involved in gang activity in jail. He still associates with the Crips and it has been proven he has orchestrated many heinous acts such as beatings, robberies and even rapes of other male inmates.

Folks, please don’t be swayed by these Hollywood people; Stanley Williams needs to pay for his crimes.

They’ll say, “He was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize”.

Big deal. So were Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin.

Cheers.

posted by Leshaun Fossett @ 8:35 PM 0 coments
posted by HCL at 12:32 AM

 
Hi All!

A little update to the faithful who may be wondering wazzup. Still dealing with some med probs here. I hope every day will be better but since my drug of choice - Bextra - was removed from pharmacies, I've been mostly in bed with back pain. Doc is trying out other Rx -- so far ineffective -- and I just keep waiting and hoping we'll soon hit the lottery. For right now typing is very limited. I'm trying to surf the blogs to stay somewhat current, and leave a comment here and there, but for the present it's back into limbo for me, I'm afraid. Send email to indigoinsightsAThotmailDOTcom if you'd like to communicate with the old beach biddy - MOI!!!

~~Indigo out UFN
posted by HCL at 11:05 PM

 
INCOMING
from Greg, Ayden, NC


FENDER SKIRTS

What a great blast from the past!

I haven't thought about "fender skirts" in years. When I was a kid, I considered it such a funny term. Made me think of a car in a dress. Thinking about "fender skirts" started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice.

Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs." Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point "parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with emergency brake.

I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the "foot feed." Didn't you ever wait at the street CORNER for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the "running board" up to the house?

Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -- "Store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "worldwide" for granted. This floors me.

On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, WOW, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure!

When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?" It's hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all that talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply "expecting."

Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now. Unmentionables" probably wouldn't be understood at all.

It's hard to recall that this word was once said in a whisper: "divorce." And no one is called a "divorcee" anymore. Certainly not a "gay divorcee." Come to think of it "confirmed bachelors" and "career girls" are long gone, too.

I always loved going to the "picture show," but I considered "movie" an affectation.

Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I came across the other day -- "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here's a word I miss -- "percolator." That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? "Coffeemaker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and "ElectraLuxe." Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"

Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening their kids with castor oil anymore.

Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most -- "supper." Now everybody says "dinner." Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

~~Indigo out UFN
posted by HCL at 12:28 AM