Indigo Insights

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Without breaking my apolitical commitment, I believe that both candidates made a better impression tonight on their own than their "spokespeople" have been making for them. I commend both of them for a civil and interesting debate. President Bush and Senator Kerry presented themselves as adversarial gentlemen -- as is appropriate for candidates for the office of President of the United States of America. It is a hopeful sign to me that perhaps they will better monitor and advise their campaign people to rise above the mud both sides have been wallowing in thus far in the campaign.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

It seems rather self-indulgent of me to refrain from blogging just because I'm "funked", when so many of the really good and consistent bloggers keep posting through thick and thin. I don't have anything profound to say, and even if I did, someone has already said it and said it better. But Rivrdog and GOC2 have embarrassed me into coming forth with a token. Those guys keep on truckin' with their blogs when they would have every reason to use their present situations as a "pass". As for me, I'm hoping to get inspired after November 2.

There is hope (yet again!) that Indigo Insights will be getting a blogroll up in the foreseeable future. At last, acknowledgement to some great bloggers who have been kind enough to blogroll me with no reciprocation, plus other favorites who've never heard of me, but whom I read and enjoy. And remember, fellow bloggers, my little effort at blogging was born out of a desire to communicate with loved ones and old friends who are far away. All of YOU who visit and read are just icing on my Blog Cake! Thanks.

An oldie, goldie, but goodie!

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How is the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf?"

Nicklaus replies, "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."

"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.

"You play golf!?" asks Jack.

Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."

"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.

"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice," explains Stevie.

"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice." Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"

"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack. Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."

Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"

"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."

[via Jimmy, Ayden, NC]


Another year has passed and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter and winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts, to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind, they make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand about "Living in the Past"

We used to go to weddings, football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes, and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers, from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches and while the night away.

We used to go out dining, and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags, come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses from riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping for new clothing at the Mall;
But, now we never bother... all the sizes are too small.

We used to go to nightclubs and drink a little booze.
Now we stay at home at night and watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is, and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up... before you're too damned old!
[via Don, in the mountains of Virginia]


"Ever get the feeling you stuff strutted off without you?"

"I think I have reached my sexpiration date!"

"I've still got "it", but nobody wants to see it!"

"It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker!"

"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!"

"Don't think of it as hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches!"


Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing. ~~ Albert Schweitzer

The right time to show your good character is when you are pestered by somebody weaker than you. ~~ Buddha

How rare and wonderful is that flash of a moment when we realize we have discovered a friend. ~~ William Rostler


>^..^< What next?
>^..^< For Seniors Only
>^..^< Got questions? Answers here.
>^..^< One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?" The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
>^..^< New North Carolina blogger! Welcome aboard, Gus. Go take a look, ya'll. A very interesting guy.
>^..^< If you yourself are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Total unmitigated dereliction of duty!! But with a cover story that would make Dan Rather proud. Thanks be to the Universe, the work on the house was completed yesterday! If summer officially began June 21 and fall began September 21 (thereabouts), it took the whole darn summer to get the workmen out of my house. Even the ever-patient Janis Gore would be nonplussed, I bet.

The island across from my house and the Atlantic Ocean beyond can be seen again. That's a nice thing. Hurricanes get the television coverage, but a severe Nor'Easter winter storm, with wind gusts up to 85 mph, are quite destructive here also. Wind force of such a storm broke the seal on the large double-paned window last winter, and since then the view has been blurred with condensation between the panes. Fred-the-Fix-It-Guy replaced the entire big window and we again have a true "picture" window, framing a lovely beach scene.

An outside storage barn is no longer the eye-sore of the neighborhood. Fred covered the chipping paint with vinyl siding. End of problem and another big plus. No longer a depressing view from my back door. Since I have to look out the back door ten or more times a day for zoo traffic, no wonder I've been down all summer! Thanks to Fred, I can now enjoy a nice-looking barn while the dogs squat.

And no, that amount of work should not have required three months. There's lots more I've not mentioned -- including three hurricanes, each of which caused a week's delay.

Rant Among Yourselves

Dear Word Detective: The word "nonplussed" is so misused that it should be banished from the English language. This would be, however, a terrible shame, because it is an absolutely fabulous word, if one understands its origins and what it actually means. The sad fact, however, is that 9 out of 10 times it is used, its intended meaning is the exact opposite of its dictionary definition. The only consolation of this sad fact is that it does occasionally make for interesting conversation when someone misuses it. My favorite story about this word is the time I was driving through Nebraska listening to a pompous right wing idiot on AM radio; luckily I was near a rest stop so I was able to pull over and call the 800 number and set him straight. Ha! My question is this: given that language is a dynamic force and given that the word has apparently evolved to mean the exact opposite of what it used to mean, do we now say that the word has both meanings? -- Andrew Sinning, Minneapolis, MN.

Word Detective: Ha, indeed. At the risk of inciting a sudden upsurge in my reader mail, I am moved to wonder whether "pompous right-wing idiot on AM radio" might, in fact, be redundant three or four times over.

"Nonplussed," to bring the rest of the gang up to speed, means "perplexed or embarrassed," and comes directly from the Latin "non plus," meaning "not more" or "no further." Someone who is "nonplussed" has been stymied or brought to a halt. But for some reason, many people have decided that "nonplussed" means "unperturbed" or "impassive," which is, of course, exactly backwards.

So should we cave in to the yahoos and let this fine word slide into the muddle of misunderstanding? Not on my watch, bucko. I happen to like "nonplussed." Besides, if we surrender the distinction now, what will we use to nonplus the pompous idiots?


Is imitation, so here's an imitation of Random Fate's Quotarama yesterday:

The quality of a man's life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor. ~ Vince Lombardi

Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are stiffened. ~ Billy Graham

Each day we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~ Charles Swindoll

The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes them a mother - which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician. ~ Sydney J. Harris

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself. ~ Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief

Saturday, September 18, 2004

The political vitriol, hate-mongering, and lies (regardless of who's telling them) get more and more distressing every day. Some days when I surf my favorite reads, I can just about feel the BP numbers going up. I've decided that presidential elections are hazardous to my health and therefore Indigo Insights will get even more apolitical as November approaches. So unless George Bush pats Teresa's fanny instead of Laura's, or John Kerry makes similar ungentlemanly overtures to Laura, or Bill Clinton recovers enough to attempt to rape them both, there will be few, if any, political references here on Indigo Insights. With so many astute, better informed, and more articulate bloggers than I available in blog world, you're bound to find something interesting if you'll just link around. As for this space, it can be considered a rest stop for tired minds when you need a break. Or not. Anyhow, it will continue UFN to be a nook for passing along inanities that may be marginally entertaining, hopefully humorous, and possibly inspirational.

And with that as prologue, check this out:


"No nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.

2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.

Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?

So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all my emails to the Holiday Inn!"

Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too much red wine, we came up with even more benefits the Holiday Inn provides to retirees:

Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV-all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.

Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends.

Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free Program. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends. Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well.

If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, in a Holiday Inn you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same.

And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room--your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Count me in!




Dogs look up to you, cats look down on you, but pigs will treat you like an equal.

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
and pass it on to other folk.

Thursday, September 16, 2004
Welcome back, GOC II

Prayer for Friendship

You have blessed us, O God,
with the gift of friendship,
the bonding of persons
in a circle of love.
We thank you for such a blessing:
for friends who love us,
who share our sorrows,
who laugh with us in celebration,
who bear our pain,
who need us as we need them,
who weep as we weep,
who hold us when words fail,
and who give us the freedom
to be ourselves.
Bless our friends with health,
wholeness, life, and love.
- Vienna Cobb Anderson


Absentee Ballots Can Be Requested thru October 26
Absentee ballots are now available and can be requested by following the directions below. The deadline for requesting an absentee ballot for the November 2004 election is Tuesday, October 26th at 5:00 PM.

All absentee ballots will include an instruction sheet on how voters are to prepare absentee ballots and return them to your county board of elections. Completed ballots must be returned BY Monday, November 1 at 5:00 PM.

Voters can also vote early (and in person) by using the one-stop absentee voting program, which runs from Thursday, October 14th to Saturday, October 30th. For more information regarding this program, and specific locations where you can vote early, please contact your county board of elections

Absentee Request for NC citizens living in the US:
To request an absentee ballot, you should send a written request to your county board of elections no later than Tuesday, October 26th. Your county BOE office can be found by visiting

The request must include your name, residence address, date of birth and address where you would like the ballots mailed.

Near relatives may request an absentee ballot for a voter by using the same format as above and including the relationship to the voter and the near relative’s contact information. A near relative includes: spouse, brother, sister, parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, mother-in-law, father-in-law, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, stepparent, or stepchild.

If you have any questions regarding this procedure, please contact the NC State Board of Elections at 919-733-7173 or by email

Absentee Request for NC citizens living outside the US and not attached to the US Armed Forces or US Government:
As a US citizen living overseas, you are eligible to request an absentee ballot using the Federal Postcard Application or FPCA. You may download the FPCA by going to the Federal Voting Assistance Program website ( You should complete one application for each NC voter.

Once you have completed the application, please mail, email, or fax it to your county board of elections. An updated listing for all of the county boards of elections is available at The deadline for requesting an absentee ballot for the November 2004 election is Tuesday, October 26th at 5 pm.

If you need expedited delivery of your ballots, please provide the county board of elections with a postage-paid delivery service mailer with the address where you would like the ballots delivered included.

If you have any questions regarding this procedure, please contact the NC State Board of Elections at 919-733-7173 or by email

Special absentee request procedures for the following people:
Members of the armed forces, spouse of a member of the armed forces, disabled war veterans in US government hospitals, civilians attached to and serving outside the US with the armed forces, and members of the Peace Corps

To request an absentee as a voter under one or more of the above designations, you should complete the Federal Postcard Application, or FPCA.

These forms are usually available from the Voting Assistance Officer assigned to your military installation. You may also visit the Federal Voting Assistance website ( to download instructions and a copy of the FPCA form.

Once you have completed the application, please mail, fax, or email it to your county board of elections. An updated listing for all of the county boards of elections is available on our website.

Upon request of the voter, ballots may be faxed to you at a specified location. To request and receive faxed ballots, please transmit the completed FPCA to the NC State Board of Elections by mail or fax. Our secure line is 919-715-0351.

If you have any questions regarding this procedure, please contact the NC State Board of Elections at 919-733-7173 or by email

[Non-NC residents: Your State Board of Elections may differ. Consider this a reminder to contact them.]



* You know Pepsi originated in New Bern, Cheerwine in Salisbury, and that Mountain Dew was invented in Lumberton.
* You know Coke tastes better in the little bottles and that peanuts make Coke taste even better.
* You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.
* Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.
* Your school took a field trip to the State Fair in Raleigh.
* You would elect Richard Petty or Ric Flair for governor if either ever ran.
* You watched as Dale Earnhardt was the only man who ever lived who could go 200 mph, spin somebody out, call them a you-know-what, and win the race, all in the last lap.
* You skipped school or work to go to Dale Earnhardt's memorial service.
* A toboggan to you means a knit cap, not a sled.
* You sold Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a school or church fundraiser before those glazed doughnuts went global.
* When you're traveling out of state, people ask if you're from Mayberry.
* You remember watching the ACC Tournament on television at school.
* The local newspaper covers state, national and international news in one page, but sports requires six pages.
* Most men in town consider the first day of deer season a national holiday.
* Fifty degrees Fahrenheit is "a little chilly."
* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Conetoe" or "Topsail."
* Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waitin' to pass a tractor on the highway.
* Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
* Your school classes were canceled because of a hurricane.
* Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
* Your school classes were canceled because of hunting season.
* Your school classes were canceled because of a livestock show.
* You've ridden the school bus for an hour...each way.
* You know more about ACC basketball than professional basketball.
* You know the Carolina League is the greatest baseball league in the country.
* You think South Carolina was dead weight well shed.
* You know tea is served sweet unless you specifically ask for unsweetened.
* You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
* You think ethanol makes your truck run a lot better.
* Stores don't have bags...they have sacks and are called Piggly Wigglys.
* You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
* You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
* Most of the festivals around the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or tobacco.
* Priming was your first job...and you know what it means.
* Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and comes with coleslaw on top.
* You say catty-wampus, yunto, ill-ass and ah-ite.
* You know the difference between a deer dog, a bear dog and a coon dog by the way they bark.
* You put security lights on your house and your garage and leave both of them unlocked.
* Your four seasons are almost summer, summer, still summer, and highway construction.
* You can tell if another North Carolinian is from Eastern or Western North Carolina as soon as he opens his mouth.
* You can spell words such as Ocracoke, Fuquay-Varina and Chocowinity.
* When asked how your trip to any foreign, exotic place was you say, "It was different."
* Hyde County is considered a foreign or exotic place.
* In the Piedmont, you see all the grown-ups go out and play in the snow.
*Schools and churches hold barbecue fundraisers with banana puddin' as the dessert.
* Your folks would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's.
* You have actually uttered the phrase, "It's too hot to go to the pool."
* You consider being a "Pork Queen" an honor.
* You carry jumper cables in your car.
* You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew every day of your life.
* You know what "cow tipping" is.
* You have your own secret BBQ sauce.
* You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.
* You show this to some NC friends "cuz ya know it's true, darlin."

[from Kirsten, Greenville, NC]

Monday, September 13, 2004

Our friend and BlogSon over at Obnoxious Droppings is still not in full swing. Leave him a cheery comment or a nice little prayer. He'll appreciate it.


Dedicated to Janis Gore -- who likes everything REALLY CLEAN!!!!
[I was going to save this one for Thanksgiving, but can't hold it any longer!]

~~~ DOG STORY ~~~


We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of no discipline, I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200.

But I digress. Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was however assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening and to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30pm.

When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dogs out to relieve themselves. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the floor or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives only 10 to 15 minutes away. Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and a drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and me, we took off. Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.

Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume.

I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to "How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet."

[thanks to Christina, Swansboro, NC]


"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey crap."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


"As far as I'm concerned, the perfect bra is a sweatshirt."

"If you're not supposed to stick Q-tips in your ears, what the hell are they for?"

"Tried on a thong yesterday. I'm still trying to dig it out."

"I think I must be wearing a "wonder where they went" bra."

"I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour. But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over."

"When you're feeling stressed out, I think it helps to make a nice hot cup of tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you."

"I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won't do now; Things I won't do later; Things I'll NEVER DO."

"I'd join a neighborhood watch, but my neighbors are very ugly."

[Ed: Some of my friends jokingly call me Maxine. I've wondered why they do that.]

Thursday, September 09, 2004

>^..^< Happy belated birthday to Boudicca. I forgot my password and could not leave a greeting on her blog!!!

>^..^< Don't forget the Floridians. Those folks are going to be hurting a long time after they're off the news. Please do what you can.

>^..^< Perfection Is a Flaw. Fresh new blog. Fresh new insight into the kind of kids who don't get enough "ink".

>^..^< The Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady is exceptionally grouchy right now.

>^..^< Two things I never thought I'd live to see: McGehee with Blogger's Block and Chuck working his fingers to the bone over something other than hunting and fishing.

>^..^< Dog fight at GOC II. Also a Linkorama.

>^..^< In the midst of demons, an angel makes an appearance.

>^..^< Rivrdog has an interesting suggestion for Mr. Putin.

>^..^< Don't mess with Superman's cape and don't mess with Uncle's pillow. Here's where to LOL.

>^..^< Yellow Dog is showing unnecessary fangs in calling Bush a "kitten killer." That's a low blow, YD. The Dog Days of Summer must have really made their mark on nice doggie.

Here's a start --


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2 Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is feeling useless.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares?

[from Christina, Swansboro, NC]


An senior couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."
"Why not?" he asks.
She answers back, "Because I'm dead."
The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."
She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."
He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
[thanks to Jimmy, Ayden, NC]

An older married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, "he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to 60.
"I want the car, too," he continues.
65 mph.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need." she says.
"Oh, really?" he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."
[from Christina, Swansboro, NC]


"Clearly, a civilization that feels guilty for everything it is and does will lack the energy and conviction to defend itself." --Jean Francois Revel

"There is no nation so poor that it cannot afford free speech, but there are few elites which will put up with the bother of it." --Daniel P. Moynihan

"Experience teaches us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government's purpose is beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding." --Supreme Court Justice Brandeis

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." --Plato

"The establishment of an American Soviet government will involve the confiscation of large landed estates in town and country, and also, the whole body of forests, mineral deposits, lakes, rivers and so on." - William Z. Foster, National Chairman of the Communist Party USA, 1932

"The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as a liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty." Abraham Lincoln's analogy of liberty

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery." -- Winston Churchill

[from Don, somewhere in the mountains of Virginia]


I don't do windows because... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

I don't wax floors because... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.

I don't mind the dust bunnies because... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

I don't disturb cobwebs because... I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don't Spring Clean because... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

I don't pull weeds in the garden because... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer.

I don't put things away because... My husband will never be able to find them again.

I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

I don't iron because... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

I don't stress much on anything because... "A" Type personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty old woman!!!!

[from Don, still in the mountains of Virginia]

Wednesday, September 08, 2004
But erratically

Had a nice reunion this week when I reconnected with an old blogging friend. We had been out of touch for the last few months and our exchange went like this: (edited for blog version for your protection!)

ME: I noticed your comment right below mine at XXX's blog and had to email a big "10-4" on your suggestion. I've not dropped over to your blog as much lately - but I've been getting thru 4 months of hell - if you've peeped in on mine, you have an inkling. Things have really been bad at the House of Blue Indigo!!! (And of course, you're too young to remember the Andrews Sisters' recording of The House of Blue Lights - naw, you probably have it on your screen right now!!!)

Seriously, I am not proud of how much I haven't "been there" for some old blogger friends, such as you, but I've been totally enmeshed in my own selfish survival. A sentence here, or a phrase there, has indicated to me that there have been some difficult times for you to overcome as well. It's not the same "after the fact" to tell someone you have been thinking of them and had them in your prayers, but I swear it's true. And if you don't believe me, ask God. She'll tell you the same!

Anyhow, since your email addy was right there (I lost my address book twice this summer!) I thought I'd drop you a hug. Hang in there Sweet Thang. You're still a favorite -- when I can get there!!!!

Cyber Love

SHE: Thank you! I haven't been paying much attention to my friends lately either. What's going on with you???

Hugs coming your way,
Sweet Thang

ME: Can't believe you got right back to me. I assumed it may be days before you even saw the email from me -- and then you may be working too tight a schedule to reply quickly. Anyhow -- how can we fill each other in?

First of all, the hellishness of this year for me has been health, house, and computers! Some of your blogs that I've seen didn't sound like you were devouring a bowl of cherries either. We're just going to have to try to stay in touch better.

East Coast Hugs coming your way -- Watch out! They're wet with hurricane rain!

SHE: You still haven't said what's going on with you.

ME: But specifics are so boring!!! The cardiac mess is ongoing and the allergies are still screwy, but are much better since I got the Sharper Image thingy. I'd say at least a 90% improvement since the Ionic Breeze went into my bedroom. No more morning sneezing! (Yeah, yeah. I know. Sleeping with cats, blah, blah, blah. But I've solved the prob now!) The house repairs are neverending. And the back prob is still a prob.

SHE: Now, tell me what's really up with you.

ME: Well, to quote Dax, JUST DAMN!!! You insist on more gorey details? If you are online very much you know my life -- because that's mostly it. Hardly ever leave my house since I don't drive anymore -- can't use the right leg well, so figured I'd better not depend on it! I have a "family" of dogs and cats -- all inside -- and lots of friends who call or stop by -- in between hurricanes!!!! My biological family lives 75 miles inland and we don't see each other very often. Son and daughter, grandkids, and even 3 great-grands, with one in the oven!!! Now, the plus side of living 75 miles away from all that chaos should be evident!!! So I live at the beach, minding my own business, not theirs, and they live inland and cocoon themselves with their offsprings!!! Everybody's happy. What either of us don't know, don't hurt!!! LOL

In addition to the cardiac crap, the nerusurgeon wants to do more surgery. NOT!!! The spring clean-up, fix-up is still a work in progress. We can't get finished with one project before the next hurricane is upon us. A couple of weeks ago the barn got roof shingles replaced and in several days the Hurricane of the Week blew them off again. What started out as a simple floor repair in the kitchen turned out to be rotten wood (hidden damage) from other hurricanes back to 1994 and the whole floor had to be torn up and replaced from the beams up.

And the computers!! The back was getting worse and worse, and sitting at the computer as many hours a day as I do was getting to be more and more painful, plus causing edema problems in the feet and legs. So in April I got a laptop to use in the bedroom. Bright idea, huh? Turned out the Forrest Gump University grad who installed everything had never done a router and multiple pc network before. I was his first!!! Nothing worked. April, May, June, July and part of August almost drove me to another galaxy with computer FUs. Interspersed with the house repairs, I thought every day would be the day I opened up a vein! It has been a nightmare. [sarcasm on](BP Rx and Xanax has been a big expense. Thanks be to God for Bush's help with the Medicare prescription drugs. Except not for me, since I already have some Rx insurance that I pay for myself. Nevermind. Now my Medicare payment will go up so I can enjoy the fulfillment of helping others who don't have their own insurance!)[sarcasm off] The problems are still not worked out with the computers, but after several house calls, things are operational -- just not a smooth operation.

See? I told you it was boring. A glimpse into the B.S. of another life usually is. The mundane IS BORING. Now, truthfully, did you need all that? THAT'S PRETTY MUCH MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT. Don't say you weren't warned. And make a note never to press the chronologically-challenged for their complaints. They just might give them to you! LOL


Thursday, September 02, 2004
This essay deserves more than one read, so I'll be posting it at the beginning of each month until the November election.

My grandmother, "Mammy" to all who loved her, was one of the first women voters in the United States. She was married in 1898 and immediately became the property of her husband. Voting was the first right given to her as an American citizen. Within the seclusion and secrecy of the voting booth, she could make a decision without consulting her husband. She wasn't chattel in that booth, but a thinking being, choosing for herself. It's hard to believe that less than a hundred years ago in this country, American women were perceived and treated much as Arab women are today. When I was a child, young adult, and mother of my own children, I didn't understand why voting was such a big issue with Mammy. She never learned to drive, so every election day someone had to drive her to the polls to exercise her hard-earned right - basically her only freedom of choice. She lived to be 82 years old, but aches or pains, rain or shine, she made it to the polls every year to cast her vote, even if only a dog catcher was running. Voting was her only freedom and she exercised it to the utmost. I didn't get it then. I do now, after reading the story that Mammy lived.

Remembering How Women Got the Vote

The women were innocent and defenseless. And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 helpless women wrongly convicted of "obstructing sidewalk traffic."

They beat Lucy Burn, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air. They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards
grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the "Night of Terror" on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.

For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms. When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because--why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie "Iron Jawed Angels." It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder.

There was a time when I knew these women well. I met them in college--not in my required American history courses, which barely mentioned them, but in women's history class. That's where I found the irrepressibly brave Alice Paul. Her large, brooding eyes seemed fixed on my own as she stared out from the page. Remember, she silently beckoned. Remember.

I thought I always would. I registered voters throughout college and law school, worked on congressional and presidential campaigns until I started writing for newspapers. When Geraldine Ferraro ran for vice president, I took my 9-year-old son to meet her. "My knees are shaking," he whispered after shaking her hand. "I'm never going to wash this hand again."

All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote. Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes, it was even inconvenient.

My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry. She was. With herself . "One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,"she said. "What would those women think of the way I use--or don't use--my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn." The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her "all over again."

HBO will run the movie periodically before releasing it on video and DVD. I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum. I want it shown on Bunko night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order. It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men: "Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity."

[profuse thanks to Christina, Swansboro, NC]


After Sept. 11th, one company invited the remaining members of other companies who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers, to share their available office space.

At a morning meeting, the head of security told stories of why these people were alive.....and all the stories were just: "little things"

As you may already know, the head of the company got in late that day because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One of them missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone .. all the little things that annoy me. I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.

Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. --Roger Carras

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. --Harlan Miller

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. --Lily Tomlin


Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I ! get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.