Indigo Insights |
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Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation 
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Saturday, December 31, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Merry Christmas! On the Night Before the Non-Denominational Winter Holiday, I'll be heading to Greenville to spend said holidays with my family. Don't know yet exactly when I'll return, but in the interim there'll be little, if any, computer action. Hope all my blogosphere buddies and other friends have beautiful family memories to take into the New Year. And remember to pray for our military! Indigo A Parting Thought A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "Heaven help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists." INCOMING from Uncle Don HAPPY NEW YEAR My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any money because I gave IT to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. (PDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. Sunday, December 18, 2005
THE TWELVE CATS OF CHRISTMAS On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree My 12 cats were laughing at me. On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the fourth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the fifth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the sixth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 miss! ing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the seventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 7 half-dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the eighth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 8 shattered ornaments 7 half-dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the ninth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 9 chewed-through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half-dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the tenth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed-through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half-dead rodents 6 fallen angels! 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree 11 broken branches 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed-through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half-dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. On the twelfth day of Christmas I looked at my poor tree 12 cats a-climbing 11 broken branches 10 tinsel hairballs 9 chewed-through light strings 8 shattered ornaments 7 half-dead rodents 6 fallen angels 5 shredded gifts 4 males a-spraying 3 missing Wise Men 2 mangled garlands and my 12 cats laughing at me. Friday, December 16, 2005
Shopping Rules for Men's Gifts Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why. Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over. Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, Lowes, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.") Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?" Rule #12: Tickets to a football, hockey or basketball game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why. Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a Chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why. Tuesday, December 13, 2005
COUNT -- Do Not Question - My Blessings For no discernible reason, other than the remote possibility that Oral Roberts came through my bedroom last night without waking the Rottweiler, my vertebrae behaved much better today. There have been so many things I've been wanting to post about for so many days that I hardly know where to begin during this little respite from pain. I'll start with a follow-up to my flag post of November 14, which was: TAKING DOWN THE FLAG The flag at the front of my house had an especially sad appearance on Veteran's Day. The terrific, unceasing winds that blow here at the ocean make a flag's survival time very brief. The tattered end had concerned me for several weeks and I vowed that if it could make it through Veteran's Day, I would retire Old Glory and start with a new one next year. My daughter has a colleague whose husband is a former Marine, now on disability. He performs a public service by properly disposing of worn out flags. I'm going to send my flag to him in Greenville to assure a correct burning ceremony. I feel better about it being handled by a veteran. THE FOLLOW-UP Flag Burning Ceremony Telephone call from Miss Edna (the daughter) Miss E: Hey, Mother. Wanted to tell you about my conversation with Brian. Me: Oh, you've already talked with him? Miss E: Yep. I called him tonight and told him I had a big favor to ask of him, and he said "What can I do for you, darlin'?" Me: He's a sweet boy alright. Miss E: So I told him about your obsession with the Marine Corps and admiration for everything Marine, your patriotism, and your worn out flag, and how much better you'd feel about burning it if a bona fide Marine conducted the ceremony, etc. And Brian said "Sure, I'll do that for your mama, honey." Me: I knew he would. A real dear, that Brian. Miss E: Then I told him "There's just one catch to it, Brian." "What's that?" he asked. "Well, Mother said she'd be ecstatically happy if you would perform the burning ceremony wearing your dress blues." --------------------------- Looooooooooooooong pause ----------------------- At which point I just couldn't hold it together any longer and I guffawed. "I'm only kidding, Brian." I said. "Oh, thank the Lord," says Brian, "I couldn't get in those dress blues anymore!" About two weeks later Miss Edna called me to report that the flag ceremony had been held and Brian asked her to report on it to me. He said that his wife helped him with the ceremony and at the end they both saluted. Now I call that a wonderful gesture from a young Marine to make an old biddy happy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Brian and Gina. Semper Fi and God Bless America and the United States Marine Corps. >^..^< >^..^< Here's a fun little Christmas exercise you'll really enjoy. I would love to see the finished product of the Charming Guy, plus GOC-Atlanta and GOC-Winston Salem. MOF, you fellows, if you take on this fun little time waster, would you please email the results to me? >^..^< JUST IN: The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outsideof Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. >^..^< If you're not keeping an eye on The World of Leshaun Fossett, you're missing some great stuff from a budding writer, and possible future leader. This kid has it going on. Have I ever lied to you? And please leave him a comment so he'll know you stopped by. >^..^< Until the next time, Dear Friends and Gentle People. Thanks for the respite, Oral. Please sneak in again soon. Sunday, December 11, 2005
Captain B has a special message for Senator Murtha: "We as Marines care for one another, police our own and hold each other accountable for our actions. We are Marines by choice; we don’t make policy we enforce it and we do it together as one team, one voice. Apparently this is something Senator Murtha has forgotten. He isn’t caring for your Marines or America. He isn’t speaking with one voice and by pulling out of Iraq or Afghanistan before we are done is treason. He continues with his damage control techniques but it too late, Senator. As I sat next to him in Haditha Iraq during his visit and he pounded on the table with his closed fist and stated we are behind you and we want to finish this. Well Sir you finished this alright although Im not talking about Iraq, Im talking about your career and your respect. You have lost the respect of the brotherhood. You have failed to take care of your junior Marines, Sir! You have to live with that on your conscious. I would rather be dead than disrespect all of the fallen Marines as you have." Please read Capt B's entire post here. It's another 'from the heart and guts of a Marine' piece you won't want to miss. UPDATE I do not blog for popularity, money or fame. I simply want to share with you what your Marines are doing here in Iraq and to build the American spirit. That’s why I blog. One Marine’s view has been nominated for “Best Military Blog of the Year” Voting for this blog site is great however I am simply taken back and am grateful to be nominated by you. That is an award in itself to your Marines. Winning awards is one thing and its along the same reasons as why the Marine Corps doesn’t have a football team like the Army, Navy or Airforce. We don’t protect a quarterback, we protect a country and we are sincerely honored to do that for America. This is why I have put this in the comments section instead of a blog entry. The real focus is you and your support for your Marines. If we have your support, we have already won all of the awards we need and most importantly we will continue to win the war on terrorism. I speak for all the Marines in harms way when I say thank you all for stopping by during your busy schedule and supporting your Marines. Semper Fidelis and God Bless you and America, Capt B http://weblogawards.org/2005/12/ ...litary_blog.php http://milblogging.com/ top100.ph...00ab5ffee57bab4 Capt B | 12.10.05 - 4:14 pm | # In tonight's blog surfing, there was much to catch up. I wish I had seen this earlier, but with Tookie's "appointment with destiny" coming up in a couple of days, Leshaun Fossett's post of last week is still timely. Here's a direct pastie for anyone else who may have missed Leshaun's post. Sunday, December 04, 2005 Stanley Williams is guilty and must pay I’ve known about Stanley “Tookie” Williams for years. I first read about him when he was putting out his children’s books. They were immensely popular, you must know: the first title sold 220 copies; the second produced two sales. Being largely unimpressed by his penning of these books (as you can tell by my tone above), I never thought of him as some sort of hero, anti-gang crusader; I really had no opinion of him. I’d all but forgotten about him, because he was one of those unremarkable people you read about everyday. Then, of course, as of late, all these Hollywood types are now rallying for this man to have his life spared. You see, he’s set to die via lethal injection next week. With everything falling into place as the date of December 13th draws nearer, the only thing that can save Williams now is Arnold Schwarzenegger. I’m hoping the governor will do the right thing and let the law serve its purpose. Stanley Williams caused nothing but pain to his community and he passed this horrible trait on to his children, who are also murderous thugs. Williams, the founder of the infamous street gang the Crips, is sitting in jail right now for the murders of four unlucky people who happened to be in the path of this thug and his cronies in early 1979. As stated in court documents, Williams and his friends got high and decided to rob a store. Behind the counter of a 7-Eleven store was Albert Owens, a 26-year-old veteran who was trying to make an honest living for himself. It was around 4am on February 28, 1979 in Pomona, California. After pulling a shotgun on Owens, Williams forced him to get on the floor on his knees. He proceeded to shoot Owens twice in the back, killing him. Williams later made fun of the choking sounds Owens made as he laid on the floor bleeding to death. The haul: $120. A hard working, honest man had to lose his life because a bunch of thugs weren’t willing to do what he was doing when he died: work. Williams’ next victims were also hard working people. On March 11th, 1979, Mr. Yen-I Yang, 76, his wife, 63-year-old Tsai-Shai Yang and their daughter, 43-year-old Yee-Chen Lin were all killed when Williams forced his way into the motel the couple from Taiwan owned to rob them. He walked away from the incident with $100. When referring to the murder with friends, he called the Yangs “Buddha heads”. Williams claims he is innocent because there is no DNA evidence that proves that he did it. Well, nothing of that magnitude excludes him either. Besides the testimony of people who were there as he committed these crimes, Williams himself confessed to them, even giving details such as the precise number of shots fired and other details that had not been revealed and that only someone who was there would have known. Here is a list of good deeds Williams has been doing since his arrival in jail, compiled by the good folks at WorldNetDaily: · a violent fight with another inmate June 30, 1981, in which he repeatedly struck the prisoner while kneeling over him; · a refusal to line up for a return to his cell Jan. 26, 1982, in which he threatened a guard; · throwing a chemical substance in the eyes of a guard Jan. 28, 1982, in an attack that resulted in chemical burns and emergency treatment; · a second attack on a guard with a chemical substance Jan. 29, 1982; · an attack on another inmate Feb. 16, 1984, in which Williams only stopped beating the prisoner when a warning shot was fired; · a threat to kill a guard June 8, 1984; · the beating of another inmate July 4, 1986 that only ceased when armed officers arrived on the scene; · another fight with an inmate that led to his own stabbing, reportedly retaliation for his ordering another inmate to be stabbed; · his continued association with the Crips street gang led to administrative segregation Oct. 19, 1988; · the beating of another inmate Dec. 24, 1991, that only stopped after a warning shot was fired; · another fight with other inmates July 6, 1993, in which a stabbing instrument (shank) was recovered. His “good behavior” and “role-model” nature kept him in solitary confinement for nearly six years. After the jury found him guilty of these murders, passing the jury foreman, Williams mouthed these words to him: “I'm going to get each and every one of you motherf---ers”. Williams is still involved in gang activity in jail. He still associates with the Crips and it has been proven he has orchestrated many heinous acts such as beatings, robberies and even rapes of other male inmates. Folks, please don’t be swayed by these Hollywood people; Stanley Williams needs to pay for his crimes. They’ll say, “He was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize”. Big deal. So were Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin. Cheers. posted by Leshaun Fossett @ 8:35 PM 0 coments Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Hi All! A little update to the faithful who may be wondering wazzup. Still dealing with some med probs here. I hope every day will be better but since my drug of choice - Bextra - was removed from pharmacies, I've been mostly in bed with back pain. Doc is trying out other Rx -- so far ineffective -- and I just keep waiting and hoping we'll soon hit the lottery. For right now typing is very limited. I'm trying to surf the blogs to stay somewhat current, and leave a comment here and there, but for the present it's back into limbo for me, I'm afraid. Send email to indigoinsightsAThotmailDOTcom if you'd like to communicate with the old beach biddy - MOI!!! ~~Indigo out UFN Sunday, December 04, 2005
INCOMING from Greg, Ayden, NC FENDER SKIRTS What a great blast from the past! I haven't thought about "fender skirts" in years. When I was a kid, I considered it such a funny term. Made me think of a car in a dress. Thinking about "fender skirts" started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice. Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs." Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you. Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental. When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point "parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with emergency brake. I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the "foot feed." Didn't you ever wait at the street CORNER for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the "running board" up to the house? Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -- "Store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy. "Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "worldwide" for granted. This floors me. On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, WOW, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure! When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?" It's hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all that talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply "expecting." Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now. Unmentionables" probably wouldn't be understood at all. It's hard to recall that this word was once said in a whisper: "divorce." And no one is called a "divorcee" anymore. Certainly not a "gay divorcee." Come to think of it "confirmed bachelors" and "career girls" are long gone, too. I always loved going to the "picture show," but I considered "movie" an affectation. Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I came across the other day -- "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down! Here's a word I miss -- "percolator." That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? "Coffeemaker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this. I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and "ElectraLuxe." Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!" Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening their kids with castor oil anymore. Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most -- "supper." Now everybody says "dinner." Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts. ~~Indigo out UFN Tuesday, November 29, 2005
>^..^< >^..^< Baldi on Tookie I don't get it with celebrities either, Baldi - any of them. >^..^< Booker on Tookie >^..^< Cap'n Bob on Tookie >^..^< Poor Schmuck on GM Problems >^..^< Fossett on Ramsey Clark >^..^< A well-kept secret you probably won't see on MSM >^..^< Let's remember the Corpsmen Monday, November 28, 2005
Comanche Warriors Watched a great show on the History Channel last night: Comanche Warriors. And to my pleasant surprise, who was one of the narrators but our brother blogger, Bad Eagle aka Dr. David Yeagley! The History Channel never disappoints as to teaching me something new. As a history buff, I was familiar with Comanche history, their reputation as powerful warriors, the almost successful government plan for their annihilation, Quanah Parker, and the collapse of the tribe and their way of life. But I had never known that while the Navajo were heralded as the Code Talkers who helped win battles in the Pacific in WW2, the Comanches performed a similar service to their country in the D-Day invasion. How about a movie telling of Commanche contributions to the success of D-Day? With Quanah Parker as a true historical character, rather than Nicolas Cage as a fictional one? Really. What's fair is fair. If Hollywood were to make a movie about the history of the Super Bowl, would only one team be featured? I don't think so. Comanches Unite! Write your leaders! Tell them the American public deserves to know the 'rest of the story' of Native American heroism in fighting to defend a country that tried to annihilate them a half century earlier. "Bad Eagle.com is the first website for American Indian Patriots, and the only voice of conservative American Indian thought. Dr. David A. Yeagley, direct descendent of the Comanche warrior Bad Eagle (1839-1906), is the first conservative American Indian in the American media." >^..^< >^..^< "HERNDON, VA –Warren County Community College adjunct English professor, John Daly resigned last night before the school’s board of trustees began an emergency meeting to discuss the professor’s fate." Also related. >^..^< Capt B says it was another fine day in Iraq. I suppose it was "fine" because he and his Marines made it through the “White Knuckle Express” one more time. Read this for another 'You Are There In Iraq' moment. >^..^< My Lib BlogSon has suggested I give more balance in my military posts and recommends I link this site. I guess I must have missed the pro-military link on his blog that would give Greene Thoughts more balance. LOL NEGATIVE PEOPLE This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable. ********************************* A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking United," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're alwayslate. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people are trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of United's brand new planes, but it was over booked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were over booked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand, I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" "He said, "Where'd you get the crappy hairdo?" Sunday, November 27, 2005
I may have inadvertently contributed to the foreign image of "The Ignorant American" with the following archived post. It gets more foreign hits than all other Indigo Insights posts. Do you think it may be possible that since the post was not accompanied by a cartoon of a huge tongue in cheek, that perhaps the satirical component was missed in Europe? Could it be that Europeans simply don't relate to poking fun at their own shortcomings? Oh Well! Monday, September 29, 2003 8 Sad Examples of Products of American Public Schools (or Material for the new book "Chicken Soup for Dumbasses" by Miss Edna, Greenville, NC) ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenage boy at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. TWO The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local FoodLand with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When asked what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy." FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk." FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. >^..^< >^..^< Been updated on the faux Native American, Ward Churchill, lately? Flight Pundit has a hoot of a post with the latest flap here. >^..^< A couple of open letters to Cindy Sheehan here and here. >^..^< Ever wondered where you'd be if you dug a hole from where you are? VW has that info here, plus a really cool shopping aid. VW is working hard so you don't have to! LOL >^..^< And for an intriguing little brain teaser, check this out. Saturday, November 26, 2005
OUT OF THE ROUND TUIT Into the Blogroll It must be a Thanksgiving or Fall Itch. Or perhaps a dreaded Bloggers' virus. Whatever, it seems to be spreading and many folks are updating, revamping, or otherwise altering their blog pages. Although I feel like I'm in a canoe in the Persian Gulf whenever I force myself to undertake alterations on Indigo Insights, I'm so far behind as to be ashamed. Many have been in my Round Tuit for far too long and I apologize to the following sites for being so dilatory in adding them to my blogroll. Some have been generous enough to have placed Indigo on their blogrolls a while ago. Others are old friends who became literally "lost in space" and I didn't know where they went. In any case, dear readers, please visit these nice folks and help me welcome them to my little Marsupial Blogroll! They are now integrated into the blogroll at left, but to bring them to your immediate attention, here's the list. Thanks for your patience, friends. Flight Pundit Poor Schmuck Mercurial Maeve Samantha Speaks Chabliz Pawpaw's House Mostly Cajun and Bad Eagle just didn't seem to be enough Cajun and Native American representation, so I added Pawpaw for two birds with one stone. Plus, I like his style, even if I'm not blogrolled there. No worries, Pawpaw. I don't play for the numbers. I play just for fun. Froggy Ruminations I also felt the need for another Navy man. Don't miss his Thanksgiving post. World of Leshaun Fossett Just because he's brazen enough to post things like "I urge you to delete CNN from your channel lineup on your cable and satellite receivers." and bash the Nation of Islam in the same post. The kid's got journalistic talent to boot. INCOMING from Melva, Swansboro, NC A Woman's Parable One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimbel set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down once more and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the river bank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying, my child?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson." And so the Lord let her keep him. The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. (That's our story, and we're sticking to it.) Wednesday, November 23, 2005
WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR? "What are you thankful for? This time of year things get crazy in the states. Family members come to visit, gifts are bought, stress, excitement and fun wrapped up in one. But I ask, what are you thankful for? Before the Thanksgiving holiday gets here, stop for 2 minutes and try to write down what you’re really thankful for." Captain B starts his Thanksgiving post with those words. Then, goes on to write what will probably be the most meaningful post to me this Thanksgiving season. He says it all, folks. What you may have in your heart but will keep there, he pours out for all to read and, hopefully, heed. After reading this post, I knew any words I could put down would be so inferior as to appear to be only a shadow of the meaning of Thanksgiving. For a very special Thanksgiving blessing, please go here and read it all. Tuesday, November 22, 2005
And MERRY CHRISTMAS To You Too! From time to time you may have noticed a reference to "Miss Edna" here at Indigo Insights. Miss Edna is the nom de plume of my daughter. I have changed her name on the following email to protect the guilty. She sent me a copy of the email reply she forwarded to Wal-Mart in response to their online promotion for a huge sale. In case anyone is keeping score of retailers who are not celebrating Christmas this year, I wanted to share this with the Blogosphere. From: Miss Edna To: Wal-Mart Wire Sent: Monday, November 21, 2005 10:15 PM Subject: Re: 5 Days of Super Savings, Only Online Due to your recent decision not to have your emploees/greeters say Merry Christmas, I will not be spending my money with you any longer. I'm sure you won't miss me, but I have been a very good customer of yours for many years. I usually spend from $1000 - $2000 dollars with you each Christmas season. Not any longer though. Nor will I take my 4 vehicles in to have oil changes and tires rotated and balanced. I will miss Wal-Mart, but not enough that you can offend me by not wishing me a Merry Christmas as in years past. May God bless you and Merry Christmas to you and yours. Sincerely, Miss Edna Winterville, NC 28590 ANOTHER DANG TAG The LAST one, in fact! Richmond has tagged me! --- But this one will be a snap!!! It all has to do with alarm clocks, and since I don't have one, I guess I'm exempt. It's a right cute little POS for working people who still live by the clock, so if you want to pass it on, go visit One For the Road and see the rules. Monday, November 21, 2005
Some of these remind me of certain bloggers and friends. Don't ask me why - it's just how this old twisted mind works! PONDERABLES Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. [Sweetthing to Charming Guy] Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. [Straight White Guy] Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. [Miss Edna] Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. [Indigo] All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. [Livey] Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? [Chuck Myguts] In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. [ObDrop GOC] Life is sexually transmitted. [Catfish] Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. [Conservative Insurgent] Protons have mass??? I didn't even know they were Catholic. [Denise] All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. [Betty Jo] What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free? [La Shawn] They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them. [Moon Maiden] Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. [YIPPEE-KI-YAY!] Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. [Livey and Joe] Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. [Juicy Juice] What if there were no hypothetical questions? [Sailor] One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. [Far too many to list!] A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. [lilred4x4] The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. [Acidman] Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? [GOC-Atlanta] It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. [Rivrdog] Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? [Gone South] I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. [What's Up Down South] Saturday, November 19, 2005
GOOD MORNING! INCOMING from Jack WHERE TO LIVE As we all know, when we hit retirement age we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to?? Here are some tips. You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where..... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel. 3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face. 5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top. 6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads. 7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! 10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. You can live in California where..... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. 5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. You can live in New York City where..... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. 3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 4. You think Central Park is "nature," 5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual. 6. You've worn out a car horn. 7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. You can live in Maine where..... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco. 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. You can live in the Deep South where..... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round here, are Ya?" 4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense. 5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. You can live in Colorado where..... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You can live in the Midwest where..... 1. You'll never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!" AND You can live in Florida where..... 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people Friday, November 18, 2005
OH NO, MR BILL!!! I've Been Tagged! Everybody in the 'sphere knows I'm too old to play tag. But a sweet young mother, with a cupcake of a daughter, has tagged me and I just don't have the heart to tell her I'm an ornery old beach biddy who doesn't cooperate!!! Sooooooooooooooooooo - - - Seven things to do before I die: 1. Cancel my dental appointment. 2. Finish knitting the sweater that is cluttering up the road to hell - you know, the Good Intentions one? 3. Organize 70 years of photographs. (I should live so long!) 4. Re-do my will. My attorney died last week. (NK) 5. Provide for Karma Jean, Elizabeth, and Sara Lee. (my furry children) 6. Write down some secret recipes. 7. Book a really good band for my memorial service. (You see, younguns, priorities change as you age. I've already done most of the fun and interesting things I'd want to do. Now I need to take care of necessities.) Seven things I cannot do: 1. Play the piano anymore. Miss this a lot. 2. Cook anymore. I really miss cooking too. I always said, "Show me a fat lady and I'll show you a good cook" 3. Dance anymore. 4. Fix any problem with my computer. 5. Read as much as I'd like. 6. Drive my car. 7. Flower garden. Seven things that attract me to Hubby: Since I don't have my husband now, I'm going to list the ones Samantha listed for her husband. I would have listed the same attributes when my husband was with me. They're good ones. Well, maybe change #3 to "Sports". 1. His faith. 2. His sharp mind. 3. His interest in sci fi and fantasy. 4. His odd ball sense of humor. 5. His attention to detail. 6. His laugh. 7. His child like innocence about some things most of the time Seven things I say most often: 1. You've got to be kidding! 2. Ready to go outside? (to dog) 3. Sorry, I've already given to my favorite charities this year. 4. (bleep) 5. (bleep) 6. (bleep) 7. (Surely you jest. My minister reads my blog!) Seven books I love 1. The Source 2. Road Less Traveled 3. Wisdom of the Native Americans 4. Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee 5. Encyclopedia of Southern Culture (A "friend" asked me if the pages were blank! I'm still smarting over that.) 6. Conversations with God 7. Holy Bible Seven movies I watch over and over again: 1. Dances with Wolves 2. Scent of a Woman 3. any Dirty Harry 4. Saving Private Ryan 5. Heartbreak Ridge 6. The Sound of Music 7. Gone With the Wind (yeah, yeah. I know!) Seven people I want to join in, too: This must be the list of people I'm supposed to tag. But it would be the height of hipocrisy for me to go there, since I have already declined to do this on several occasions. So my friends get a pass! (See? I told you it would be boring, Sam!) Tuesday, November 15, 2005
While perusing the Charming Place and enjoying the kid stuff, it occurred to me that I haven't posted anything in a long while about the amusing and amazing kids among us. So thanks, Guy, for the reminder. Here's my contribution. WHAT A CHILD SEES.......... NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago." OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn .. and into the hole he gooooes." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Monday, November 14, 2005
INCOMING from Captain Smith, USMC This email has been coming around fairly frequently for several weeks. You've probably received it too. Here's what Snopes says. It may have been posted by some blogger somewhere, but I haven't seen it. Therefore, after receiving it today from my Marine Corps buddy, Captain Smith, as far as I'm concerned, it merits posting!! Captain Smith, you may recall, is the Marine who sent me the Christmas card featured here. RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority". We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no liberal media coverage on TV to reflect our message or our opinions. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday - and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that... Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on. The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is...We need your support and your prayers. Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear some thing red every Friday. IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON -- IF YOU COULD CARE LESS -- THEN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON --- IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE. THEIR BLOOD RUNS RED---- SO WEAR RED! --- MAY GOD HELP AMERICA TO BECOME ONE NATION, UNDER GOD. TAKING DOWN THE FLAG The flag at the front of my house had an especially sad appearance on Veteran's Day. The terrific, unceasing winds that blow here at the ocean make a flag's survival time very brief. The tattered end had concerned me for several weeks and I vowed that if it could make it through Veteran's Day, I would retire Old Glory and start with a new one next year. My daughter has a colleague whose husband is a former Marine, now on disability. He performs a public service by properly disposing of worn out flags. I'm going to send my flag to him in Greenville to assure a correct burning ceremony. I feel better about it being handled by a veteran. Sunday, November 13, 2005
THE FINAL INSPECTION This is a quite wonderful poem that has been around for many years and appeared on several blogs during the last few days. When I read it at The Pea Patch I noticed that there was no author given. Although I've heard the poem for a very long time, I never knew the origin, author, or date of writing, so I launched a search. The following is all I was able to find, and this was on a Snopes message board, I think. If any reader has information as to author and origin, please email indigoinsightsAThotmailDOTcom. THE FINAL INSPECTION The soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass. "Step forward now, you soldier, How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?" The soldier squared his shoulders and said, "No, Lord, I guess I ain't. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough. But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills got just too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears. If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand. There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God. "Step forward now, you soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell." ~Author Unknown~ Saturday, November 12, 2005
JARHEAD REDUX About Jarhead, Oliver North says "During a week when Americans honor the Corps and thank their veterans, 'Jarhead' cheapens and distorts the heroism, warrior spirit, superior intellect and selflessness of America's fighting forces. Those who participated in making this nihilist flop deserve nothing but scorn in return." North's full article here. Thanks to the Conservative Insurgent for forwarding this to me and also for his moving post for Veteran's Day. Friday, November 11, 2005
INCOMING A Look At What A Returning Soldier From Iraq Thinks [Disclaimer] The genesis of this piece may seem confusing, and the language salty. Many thanks to Rivrdog for his military expertise and help to Indigo in evaluating whether or not it is blog-worthy. Here's how it came down: Indigo received from her old AF buddy, Greg Greg received from his old buddy, Wade Wade received from military friend who attached "Got this from a former Marine first sergeant - thought you might be interested in his son's assessment of weapons and enemy tactics in Iraq. (The boy is home from his first tour, going back in early 2006, and early re-enlisted for another 4 years.) Hello to all my fellow gunners, military buffs, veterans and interested guys. A couple of weekends ago I got to spend time with my son Jordan, who was on his first leave since returning from Iraq. He is well (a little thin), and already bored. He will be returning to Iraq for a second tour in early '06 and has already re-enlisted early for 4 more years. He loves the Marine Corps and is actually looking forward to returning to Iraq. Jordan spent 7 months at "Camp Blue Diamond" in Ramadi, aka: Fort Apache. He saw and did a lot and the following is what he told me about weapons, equipment, tactics and other miscellaneous info which may be of interest to you. Nothing is by any means classified. No politics here, just a Marine with a bird's eye view's opinions: 1) The M-16 rifle: Thumbs down. Chronic jamming problems with the talcum powder like sand over there. The sand is everywhere. Jordan says you feel filthy 2 minutes after coming out of the shower. The M-4 carbine version is more popular because it's lighter and shorter, but it has jamming problems also. They like the ability to mount the various optical gunsights and weapons lights on the picattiny rails, but the weapon itself is not great in a desert environment. They all hate the 5.56mm (.223) round. Poor penetration on the cinderblock structure common over there and even torso hits cant be reliably counted on to put the enemy down. Fun fact: Random autopsies on dead insurgents shows a high level of opiate use. 2) The M243 SAW (squad assault weapon): .223 cal. Drum fed light machine gun. Big thumbs down. Universally considered a piece of shit. Chronic jamming problems, most of which require partial disassembly. (that's fun in the middle of a firefight). 3) The M9 Beretta 9mm: Mixed bag. Good gun, performs well in desert environment; but they all hate the 9mm cartridge. The use of handguns for self-defense is actually fairly common. Same old story on the 9mm: Bad guys hit multiple times and still in the fight. 4) Mossberg 12ga. Military shotgun: Works well, used frequently for clearing houses to good effect. 5) The M240 Machine Gun: 7.62 Nato (.308) cal. belt fed machine gun, developed to replace the old M-60 (what a beautiful weapon that was!!). Thumbs up. Accurate, reliable, and the 7.62 round puts 'em down. Originally developed as a vehicle mounted weapon, more and more are being dismounted and taken into the field by infantry. The 7.62 round chews up the structure over there. 6) The M2 .50 cal heavy machine gun: Thumbs way, way up. "Ma deuce" is still worth her considerable weight in gold. The ultimate fight stopper, puts their dicks in the dirt every time. The most coveted weapon in-theater. 7) The .45 pistol: Thumbs up. Still the best pistol round out there. Everybody authorized to carry a sidearm is trying to get their hands on one. With few exceptions, can reliably be expected to put 'em down with a torso hit. The special ops guys (who are doing most of the pistol work) use the HK military model and supposedly love it. The old government model .45's are being re-issued en masse. 8) The M-14: Thumbs up. They are being re-issued in bulk, mostly in a modified version to special ops guys. Modifications include lightweight Kevlar stocks and low power red dot or ACOG sights. Very reliable in the sandy environment, and they love the 7.62 round. 9) The Barrett .50 cal sniper rifle: Thumbs way up. Spectacular range and accuracy and hits like a freight train. Used frequently to take out vehicle suicide bombers ( we actually stop a lot of them) and barricaded enemy. Definitely here to stay. 10) The M24 sniper rifle: Thumbs up. Mostly in .308 but some in 300 win mag. Heavily modified Remington 700's. Great performance. Snipers have been used heavily to great effect. Rumor has it that a marine sniper on his third tour in Anbar province has actually exceeded Carlos Hathcock's record for confirmed kills with OVER 100. 11) The new body armor: Thumbs up. Relatively light at approx. 6 lbs. and can reliably be expected to soak up small shrapnel and even will stop an AK-47 round. The bad news: Hot as shit to wear, almost unbearable in the summer heat (which averages over 120 degrees). Also, the enemy now goes for head shots whenever possible. All the bullshit about the "old" body armor making our guys vulnerable to the IED's was a non-starter. The IED explosions are enormous and body armor doesn't make any difference at all in most cases. 12) Night Vision and Infrared Equipment: Thumbs way up. Spectacular performance. Our guys see in the dark and own the night, period. Very little enemy action after evening prayers. More and more enemy being whacked at night during movement by our hunter-killer teams. We've all seen the videos. 13) Lights: Thumbs up. Most of the weapon mounted and personal lights are Surefire's, and the troops love 'em. Invaluable for night urban operations. Jordan carried a $34 Surefire G2 on a neck lanyard and loved it. I cant help but notice that most of the good fighting weapons and ordnance are 50 or more years old!!!!!!!!! With all our technology, it's the WWII and Vietnam era weapons that everybody wants!!!! The infantry fighting is frequent, up close and brutal. No quarter is given or shown. Bad Guy Weapons: 1) Mostly AK47's The entire country is an arsenal. Works better in the desert than the M16 and the .308 Russian round kills reliably. PKM belt fed light machine guns are also common and effective. Luckily, the enemy mostly shoots like shit. Undisciplined "spray and pray" type fire. However, they are seeing more and more precision weapons, especially sniper rifles. ( Iran, again) Fun fact: Captured enemy have apparently marveled at the marksmanship of our guys and how hard they fight. They are apparently told in Jihad school that the Americans rely solely on technology, and can be easily beaten in close quarters combat for their lack of toughness. Let's just say they know better now. 2) The RPG: Probably the infantry weapon most feared by our guys. Simple, reliable and as common as dogshit. The enemy responded to our up-armored humvees by aiming at the windshields, often at point blank range. Still killing a lot of our guys. 3) The IED: The biggest killer of all. Can be anything from old Soviet anti-armor mines to jury rigged artillery shells. A lot found in Jordan's area were in abandoned cars. The enemy would take 2 or 3 155mm artillery shells and wire them together. Most were detonated by cell phone, and the explosions are enormous. You're not safe in any vehicle, even an M1 tank. Driving is by far the most dangerous thing our guys do over there. Lately, they are much more sophisticated "shape charges" (Iranian) specifically designed to penetrate armor. Fact: Most of the ready made IED's are supplied by Iran, who is also providing terrorists (Hezbollah types) to train the insurgents in their use and tactics. That's why the attacks have been so deadly lately. Their concealment methods are ingenious, the latest being shape charges in Styrofoam containers spray painted to look like the cinderblocks that litter all Iraqi roads. We find about 40% before they detonate, and the bomb disposal guys are unsung heroes of this war. 4) Mortars and rockets: Very prevalent. The soviet era 122mm rockets (with an 18km range) are becoming more prevalent. One of Jordan's NCO's lost a leg to one. These weapons cause a lot of damage "inside the wire". Jordan's base was hit almost daily his entire time there by mortar and rocket fire, often at night to disrupt sleep patterns and cause fatigue (It did). More of a psychological weapon than anything else. The enemy mortar teams would jump out of vehicles, fire a few rounds, and then haul ass in a matter of seconds. 5) Bad guy technology: Simple yet effective. Most communication is by cell and satellite phones, and also by email on laptops. They use handheld GPS units for navigation and "Google earth" for overhead views of our positions. Their weapons are good, if not fancy, and prevalent. Their explosives and bomb technology is TOP OF THE LINE. Night vision is rare. They are very careless with their equipment and the captured GPS units and laptops are treasure troves of Intel when captured. Who Are the Bad Guys?: Most of the carnage is caused by the Zarqawi Al Qaeda group. They operate mostly in Anbar province (Fallujah and Ramadi). These are mostly "foreigners", non-Iraqi Sunni Arab Jihadists from all over the Muslim world (and Europe). Most enter Iraq through Syria (with, of course, the knowledge and complicity of the Syrian govt.) , and then travel down the "rat line" which is the trail of towns along the Euphrates River that we've been hitting hard for the last few months. Some are virtually untrained young Jihadists that often end up as suicide bombers or in "sacrifice squads". Most, however, are hard core terrorists from all the usual suspects (Al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas etc.) These are the guys running around murdering civilians en masse and cutting heads off. The Chechens (many of whom are Caucasian), are supposedly the most ruthless and the best fighters. (they have been fighting the Russians for years). In the Baghdad area and south, most of the insurgents are Iranian inspired (and led) Iraqi Shiites. The Iranian Shiia have been very adept at infiltrating the Iraqi local govt.'s, the police forces and the Army. The have had a massive spy and agitator network there since the Iran-Iraq war in the early 80's. Most of the Saddam loyalists were killed, captured or gave up long ago. Bad Guy Tactics: When they are engaged on an infantry level they get their asses kicked every time. Brave, but stupid. Suicidal Banzai-type charges were very common earlier in the war and still occur. They will literally sacrifice 8-10 man teams in suicide squads by sending them screaming and firing Ak's and RPG's directly at our bases just to probe the defenses. They get mowed down like grass every time. ( see the M2 and M240 above). Jordan's base was hit like this often. When engaged, they have a tendency to flee to the same building, probably for what they think will be a glorious last stand. Instead, we call in air and that's the end of that more often than not. These hole-ups are referred to as Alpha Whiskey Romeo's (Allah's Waiting Room). We have the laser guided ground-air thing down to a science. The fast mover's, mostly Marine F-18's, are taking an ever increasing toll on the enemy. When caught out in the open, the helicopter gunships and AC-130 Spectre gunships cut them to ribbons with cannon and rocket fire, especially at night. Interestingly, artillery is hardly used at all. Fun fact: The enemy death toll is supposedly between 45-50 thousand. That is why we're seeing less and less infantry attacks and more IED, suicide bomber shit. The new strategy is simple: attrition. The insurgent tactic most frustrating is their use of civilian non-combatants as cover. They know we do all we can to avoid civilian casualties and therefore schools, hospitals and (especially) Mosques are locations where they meet, stage for attacks, cache weapons and ammo and flee to when engaged. They have absolutely no regard whatsoever for civilian casualties. They will terrorize locals and murder without hesitation anyone believed to be sympathetic to the Americans or the new Iraqi govt. Kidnapping of family members (especially children) is common to influence people they are trying to influence but cant reach, such as local govt. officials, clerics, tribal leaders, etc.). The first thing our guys are told is "don't get captured". They know that if captured they will be tortured and beheaded on the internet. Zarqawi openly offers bounties for anyone who brings him a live American serviceman. This motivates the criminal element who otherwise don't give a shit about the war. A lot of the beheading victims were actually kidnapped by common criminals and sold to Zarqawi. As such, for our guys, every fight is to the death. Surrender is not an option. The Iraqi's are a mixed bag. Some fight well, others aren't worth a shit. Most do okay with American support. Finding leaders is hard, but they are getting better. It is widely viewed that Zarqawi's use of suicide bombers, en masse, against the civilian population was a serious tactical mistake. Many Iraqi's were galvanized and the caliber of recruits in the Army and the police forces went up, along with their motivation. It also led to an exponential increase in good intel because the Iraqi's are sick of the insurgent attacks against civilians. The Kurds are solidly pro-American and fearless fighters. According to Jordan, morale among our guys is very high. They not only believe they are winning, but that they are winning decisively. They are stunned and dismayed by what they see in the American press, whom they almost universally view as against them. The embedded reporters are despised and distrusted. They are inflicting casualties at a rate of 20-1 and then see shit like "Are we losing in Iraq" on TV and the print media. For the most part, they are satisfied with their equipment, food and leadership. Bottom line though, and they all say this, there are not enough guys there to drive the final stake through the heart of the insurgency, primarily because there aren't enough troops in-theater to shut down the borders with Iran and Syria. The Iranians and the Syrians just cant stand the thought of Iraq being an American ally (with, of course, permanent US bases there). Thursday, November 10, 2005
UPDATE: This is the second "review" of Jarhead posted at Indigo Insights. Did you see the first linked on 11/6/05? Doc Russia gave a thumbs up. INCOMING from retired Marine, West Coast I agree with the Marine....Hollywood Socialists and Michael Moore Groupies are at it again. Written by a Marine who has seen the film. The Jarhead movie is a disgraceful attack on the dignity and honor of all current and former Marines. The movie does not paint any positive qualities about the U.S. Marines. It selectively amplifies the negative actions of a few, at the expense of the whole. This movie will undoubtedly have an extremely negative effect on recruiting efforts. The overall theme of the movie paints enlisted infantry Marines as morally depraved people who quickly degrade into insanity, infighting, and completely lacking in honor as Desert Shield progresses into Desert Storm. Individual scenes are exceptionally offensive to Marines and civilians alike. Examples of scenes portrayed in the movie include the following: **Forced hot branding / burning flesh of fellow Marines in the barracks. **A platoon simulating group sex with one another in the field. **"Friendly fire" bombs lighting a live Marine on fire as he climbs out of a truck. **A Marine wife mails a video tape of having sex with their neighbor, and the entire platoon enjoys viewing it. **Decline of an entire platoon into insanity during combat operations. **One Marine threatening to kill another at point blank range with a loaded M16 in an insane rage, and then turning the weapon on himself and asking to be killed. **One loyal Staff Sergeantis portrayed as having irrational love for his service. **Excessive use of the "F" word. **Excessive portrayal of sexual obsessions. **No respect whatsoever for fellow Marines. While U.S. citizens have welcomed Desert Storm veterans with open arms, this movie is Hollywood's way of spitting in their face. Please boycott this movie, tell others to boycott it, and I welcome your comments and suggestions about how to restore and uphold the honor of the U.S. Marines. From the halls of Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli', We fight our countrys battles In the air, on land, and sea. First to fight for right and freedom, And to keep our honor clean, We are proud to claim the title of United States Marines. Sergeant Jeff Davids 1983-1987 HONOR OUR VETERANS HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARINES Captain B has written a post for all veterans that says what we need to be reminded of on these special days. Please go here and read the whole thing. Don't miss "I close with a story" at the end. You'll be so happy you read it. Wednesday, November 09, 2005
GUEST BLOGGER Indigo: See link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9977824/ Wasn't Ali a draft dodger who denounced our government? Medal of Freedom? Isn't freedom what we were defending when he decided it was best to serve time in prison rather than fight a war? Supposedly, the medal is for distinguished service. I can understand Mr.Greenspan receiving it. And just so folks don't cry discrimination, I don't really think most of the rest of the field should have received it either. I mean Jack won enough trophies and medals. Frank Robinson won batting titles and such. Aretha Franklin and Carol Burnett probably won many awards for their great careers. Why don't we go back to giving the medal to the people who actually deserve it? There are lots of deserving civilians. I am sure there are doctors, teachers, nuns, etc, that would fit the bill for the government’s highest civilian honor. I am thinking of running for President. J Dale Manning [Respondents to Guest Blogger may email him at indigoinsightsAThotmailDOTcom] Monday, November 07, 2005
>^..^< >^..^< Bad Eagle speaks: "Now Muslims are rioting in France (300 towns overnight!), Belgium, Denmark, and they are expected to riot in Germany and elsewhere. "This land belongs to us!" they screamed in Denmark. (Here's the report in Danish.)" Here's the rest of Bad Eagle's statement. >^..^< Indigo's favorite quote from "Anon" - "God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts." >^..^< HR 3132 via ObDrop. Your senator's address is furnished for your convenience. >^..^< And who is this new kid on the blog block? Worth watching? Take a look and see what you think. Sunday, November 06, 2005
GOCW-S, aka ObDrop, is keeping the shameful story of the Muslim kid's beating at the top of his blog. I hope it's safe to assume that he will keep his readers updated. GOC wonders why no mention has been made in the local newspaper. So do I. I also wonder what the correct name of that newspaper is. I always think of it as The Urinal. See how bloggers influence our thinking? >^..^< >^..^< I've been wishing and hoping for a review of "Jarhead" and thanks to Richmond at One for the Road I followed Doc Russia's link to one here. Oh Yeah! and OooRah!! It's a must see, just as I figured. >^..^< Mostly Cajun never ceases to amaze me. Now we learn he speaks "Frog". i.e.: "Mayor Alain Outreman of Acheres outside Paris says: 'We are not going to start militias. You would have to be everywhere.' " Cajun says translated from Frogspeak, that comes out, “Ze fight, she is too hard. We must run away! Give zem what zey want!” Read the entire post here. >^..^< The Military Applications of Silly String. This is choice blogging. Don't miss it! HT to Conservative Insurgent >^..^< QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Those who can, blog; those who can't, troll. Afterward, the latter will run like the cowards they are." - Ochieng >^..^< Visual on Project Valour-IT Saturday, November 05, 2005
REUNION An old friend turned up again for me last night. In the course of his moving around and my frequent discombobulations this year, I had lost track of him. What a joyful surprise it was to find him in my nightly blog surfing while I was reading Uncle Sam's Cabin. There was his link on her blog, and following it over, there was my link on his! It is with great pleasure that I reinstate - and welcome back - The Mulatto Advocate to my blogroll. That I happened upon his new blog in time to read the November 1st post is more than fortuitous. It almost seems destined. Please link over to it here and read what he wanted to say about 1st Lt. Laura M. Walker who was KIA in Afghanistan a couple of months ago. JARHEAD REDUX A couple of weeks ago I was requesting information on the origin of the Marine Corps term "jarhead." One response came in but was lost before I could act on it. A follow-up asking that the responding Marine please resend the email got no reply. Maybe he was on his way to Iraq with a few cans of whoop and had no more time to mess with email. At any rate, it seemed that was the end of that when DOJ came through with the following a couple of days ago. [No, not Department of Justice. Dear Old Jack!] Indigo, I've been waiting for one of your neighbors [USMC - ed] to come forward and share some tradition with us concerning the term Jarhead. My Army unit was charged with supplying Ammunition, Fuel, Water and other rations to the Army's 1st. Cavalry Division, later the 101st Air Cavalry while the 3rd. Marine Division was being rotated from their positions along the DMZ in Vietnam. We arrived just after the KheSanh seige ended and hauled everything from Class I to Class IX to them as far as the roads would allow to both the Army and Marines and rubbed elbows with them almost daily, things don't move as fast on the ground as they do in the press. I always felt at home on the Marines' turf and we were treated superbly at all of their camps. They had the least to work with, the most minimal of supplies and were always gracious and grateful for whatever we could bring them. I do have a special affinity for them and refer to them as Jarheads, but not in any derogatory sense; they're great people. Jarhead The title refers both to the short "high and tight" haircut that many Marines wear, and to the fact that many other services think of Marines as exceptionally hard-headed or obstinate and use the pejorative term for Marines. While many Marines use this term with affection, no Marine appreciates being called a jarhead by a soldier, sailor or air-person. My understanding of the term "jarhead" as referring to a Marine derives from the same thing that gave them the nickname "leathernecks" -- the leather collars on some of their uniforms. Before rubber was commonly available, the rings used to seal canning jars were made of leather. So the implication is that the Marine's leather collar is akin to the leather sealing rings once used on canning jars, making him, literally, a "jar head." This was the term confirmed here. There is proof of leather being used to seal jars here. Another explanation of the term Jarhead comes from: Records from Headquarters, U.S. Marine Corps cite references that state, "Jarhead is probably parallel to, or derived from, jug head." Leatherneck magazine in 1933 cited Army soldiers as being called jarheads. However, according to limited information, the term as it applies to Marines is traced to the Navy in WW II. Sailors referred to Marines, drawing from the resemblance of the Marine dress blue uniform, with its high collar, to a Mason jar. http://www.mca-marines.org/leatherneck/lingo.htm Scant information for such a popular term. I'll stick to the Leatherneck derivative until a better explanation comes along. Jack Thursday, November 03, 2005
Please overlook and forgive the untimeliness of some of my posts here. I've been derelict in staying up to date, but promise to try to do better. (Or, as my son advised to cop out with for my shortcomings: "OK. I'm old now. Give me some slack!" ~~Indigo >^..^< >^..^< A relatively new blog, One Marine's View, is a must read for me now. Everytime Captain B. posts a new entry, I want to be there. His writing, in fact, makes one feel YOU ARE THERE. Wednesday's entry was gripping. Go read it here. >^..^< Dax Montana says he has no military background, but he really enjoys the military patrons that frequent his store. He's glad they're on our side. So am I. >^..^< Baldilocks is still trying to explain it all. Bless her heart, I know how she feels when people just don't listen! >^..^< Yesterday Bad Eagle was giving his all to explain feelings concerning the Rosa Parks phenomenon, but the post seems to have disappeared. Too bad; it was a very good read. Perhaps I just don't know how to get it out of his archives. See if you can. You'll be intrigued if you can find it. >^..^< Obnoxious Droppings got on a roll yesterday too with a fresh bunch of S&Gs. [UPDATE: still rolling today] Give him a "S" (see) and have a "G" (grin). heh >^..^< In other BlogSon news, Sailor is still MIA and Greene still hates Republicans. >^..^< Soldiers' Angels is sponsoring a competition between the military branches. Caltechgirl has the details. Go over and read all about it and note that she is not exactly an "impartial" participant. It would appear her "ARMY" donations have already exceeded expectations and the "Jarheads, Zoomies, and Squids " (her words, not mine!) are trailing. Now, whatcha gonna do about that "Jarheads, Zoomies, and Squids"????? >^..^< Keep up with the updates from Rob appearing at Gut Rumbles. And don't miss a related post from the Charming Guy here. A touching narrative. >^..^< Rivrdog for president!! Retarded Grandparents (actually reported by a child's teacher) After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night, early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren. INCOMING from Christina, Swansboro, NC How do we measure our country when we find ourselves starting to believe some of the anti-American sentiment and negativity about our government and its policies? Perhaps we should think about the reply of England's Prime Minister Tony Blair when asked by one of his parliament members as to why he believes so much in America ... and does he think America is on the right track? His reply:"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." INCOMING from Brenda, a dear, old friend -- and a great lady herself! Atlanta, GA QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong- Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies. -Anonymous- The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)- I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber- Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin- A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck- Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman- Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen- I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited- If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine- I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt- |