Indigo Insights |
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Musings of the Chronologically Challenged™ Fourth Generation 
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Friday, October 31, 2003
A MULE NAMED BESSIE A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. “Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,' ?” asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted." "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?” Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie" Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning and I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and asked "How are you feeling?" "Now, what would you say?" >^..^< Thomas Sowell had a nice rant a couple of days ago. In case you missed it, read it here. >^..^< The Mulatto Advocate has moved. Here's his new address. >^..^< For Halloween see Extreme Pumpkins and be amazed. Thanks to SKE Brown, North State Blogger. Wednesday, October 29, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com HALLOWEEN BULLETIN FROM ROAD RUNNER Hey kids! It's that time of year again, when all the ghosts and goblins in your neighborhood look forward to some trick-or-treating! Here are some tips to help make your trick-or-treat trip fun and safe. >Trick-or-treat in groups, and make sure a trusted adult is with your group at all times. >Make sure your costume isn't dragging on the ground. >Pick out a costume that doesn't require a mask, or use face paint instead. If you do use a mask, make sure you can see clearly. >Take along flashlights and a bucket or pillowcase to hold all your candy. >Never go inside a stranger's house. >Don't eat any of your candy until your parents or an adult you trust has looked it over. BLINDING BLOGS Here are some blogs that I think I would really enjoy -- IF I COULD SEE THEM!!! Can't read some of them because the page is too dark, some because the font is too small. I try. But I can only look at these screens for a couple of minutes before eyes begin to burn. For you normal-seeing folks, here are some interesting sites to visit or blogroll. Candy Universe Kudzu The Rat Room Dax Montana The Meesh Mr. Lion Jim's Spot Ice Cream Headache Cut on the Bias Whacking Day blagh dot com Militant Pagan [Apologies to any who have changed their format since I last visited.] QUOTE "It is, I think, true to say that the intelligentsia have been more wrong about the progress of the war than the common people, and that they were more swayed by partisan feelings. The average intellectual of the Left believed, for instance, that the war was lost in 1940, that the Germans were bound to overrun Egypt in 1942, that the Japanese would never be driven out of the lands they had conquered, and that the Anglo-American bombing offensive was making no impression on Germany. He could believe these things because his hatred for the British ruling class forbade him to admit that British plans could succeed. There is no limit to the follies that can be swallowed if one is under the influence of feelings of this kind. I have heard it confidently stated, for instance, that the American troops had been brought to Europe not to fight the Germans but to crush an English revolution. One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool." - George Orwell - Notes on Nationalism. Thanks to Tony at Trojan Horseshoes. Monday, October 27, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com BAD EAGLE Bad Eagle.com is the first website for American Indian Patriots, and the only voice of conservative American Indian thought. Dr. David A. Yeagley, direct descendent of the Comanche warrior Bad Eagle (1839-1906), is the first conservative American Indian in the American media. Go to Dr. Yeagley's web site here and read his comments on the first day of Ramadan. Don't miss this. WASH DAY One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." (Blondes and jocks, huh?) Sunday, October 26, 2003
EN BANC Johnny Bardine asks : "Want To Waste an Hour and a Half? Watch The Debates." Amusing. COMMANDER WILL says "I relate to the warrior mentality." Actually, he has a bit more to say and here it is to save you the trip over. (But go over for his other observations.) This doesn't just mean killing and breaking things. Some people are going to understand what I mean and some will go away no more enlightened than when they started reading this blog. There are people who can watch "A Few Good Men" and be happy that justice prevails at the end, but at the same time, cheer at the rant delivered by Jack Nicholson: "You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. "We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to." I don't know a single Marine or Naval officer or Soldier who would condone the "code red" part of this screenplay. But the screenwriter wrote those words hoping that the vast majority of the audience would be booing and hissing at the Colonel. Bad mistake. A lot of us booed and hissed at Tom Cruise. And I think it was the beginning of the end of his career. That and mistreating Nicole, joining a dorky religious cult, and making more and more stupid movies. But seriously, I get really bent out of shape by Hollywood types pretending that you can create a character like that played by Cruise, even in the JAG corps and have us respect it on the screen. The stupid scriptwriter had me cheering for Nicholson's character. Contrast this movie with the TV series JAG on CBS. They must have some great advisors on that series. Protocol is almost always dead on, and they actually act as though military people are professional and truly care about doing a good job, but more importantly, such people joined the military to serve and protect the people of the United States. // posted by Will @ 10/24/2003 10:03:21 PM BUS STOP In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends Saturday, October 25, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN? Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a ..." Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game? Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger? Being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. And with all our progress, don't you just wish, Just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today? S-TRAIN says "It is immature of us to say a color-blind society. It implies that we can't look at the beautiful differences, textures, and forms of humans. It implies that we can't love:" For a very mature an touching piece go here and read it all. BLACK FIVE doesn't claim to be impartial, a former Army Special Forces guy and all, but you still need to read his thoughts about Army Chaplain Captain James Yee. And while you're over there, take a look at Front Line Voices from Iraq and Afghanistan LINK DADDY McGEHEE starts off with "L-I-N-K-A-G-E, Find Out What It Means to Me", knowing full well that whoever sees that heading is hooked for the whole 9. Allow yourself a lot of time when you go there!! SAY UNCLE has a great springboard on the Episcopalian split via a letter to the editor here. >^..^< PUSSYFOOTIN' >^..^< Here are some interesting "facts" (?) on the origin of the Confederate flag. See "Whose Flag Is It Anyway?" here. >^..^< > Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. A small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means ?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child." PROTECT AND SERVE GOOD A Columbus, Ohio policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!) BETTER A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Columbus, Ohio . A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs. BEST A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As an Ohio State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Ohio State Police Ball." He replied, "Ohio State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car. Friday, October 24, 2003
DY-NO-MITE JJ Who knew? JJ not only has his own website, but he's joined the ranks of the growing black conservatives. Thanks to Ocean Guy for the links. Here are a couple of examples of Dy-No-Mite discourse: "Rush Limbaugh, hired by ESPN to help ratings and spice up its Sunday Morning NFL Show, was, for all practical purposes, fired for stating the facts. He dared to say what others whispered: The reason Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb was not getting scrutinized for bad play as much as he deserved, was because the NFL has a policy of wanting Black coaches and quarterbacks to be successful at all and any cost. What Limbaugh did was to expose yet another form of Affirmative Action — this time, in sports!" Black Voting "Black folks have been led, like sheep to the slaughter. For over fifty years, black people have voted in monolitic masses for the democratic party . They are taken for granted in the democratic party. Black people are political orphans. According to the census, Blacks have become the second largest minority in the United States, losing out to the Hispanic population. "Black Leadership" is rudder-less. But still, Blacks have a passionate adversity to any other political party...ostracizing anyone not in the Democractic Party. Clarence Thomas, J.C.Watts, Alan Keyes are examples of this. Sure, there has been obvious progress for Blacks over the last fifty years...but much of the Black agenda's cornerstone has gone by the wayside. In the last five years, welfare reform and standardized testing (something Blacks have long been against)is now the law of the land. The end of affirmative action as we knew it is now here. It's time for Blacks to stop being led like lemmings by the Democratic Party and look for a new political "empowerment zone." indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com LINKS FROM EMPEROR MISHA "At first, I was so damn angry after the experience you are about to read that I didn't trust myself to write something coherent. Then, I calmed down and figured that it was an anomaly. I wasn't going to write about this experience, but, with the recent comments coming out of the Organization of the Islamic Conference in Malaysia, I thought that I might be able to shed some light on what we are up against in the world..." Go read the rest of Me and My Muslim Neighbors Really. Go read it. Unfortunately, Blackfive has no comments. That would have been something to read too! AND The Laughing Wolf explains how those of us "cheap skates" who use Blogspot may help in the next blog hacking (and he vows there will be more) by allowing guest bloggers. I'm receptive to that. AND "Internap happens to be the upstream of Internetseer.com and sending unsolicited email is clearly against their AUP, which means that Internap just might be interested to know that one of their customers is non-compliant." LINKS FROM ACIDMAN Commander Will says: "I think G.W.B. is too liberal. However, to compare Iraq to Vietnam is (I'm trying to control myself here) pretty damn lame, for multiple reasons. First of all, we could have easily won in vietnam with very few casualties if Johnson and McNamara had not tried to micromanage the fighting due to political considerations. Regardless of Eisenhower having sent a few advisors, Kennedy sent a LOT of advisors and troops, and Johnson created the situation for 58,000+ to die needlessly. Those young men did not die because we went to war against communism and an evil dictator, they died because democrats have never met a socialist despot they didn't coddle." See it all here. AND Pretty Snarky needs more attention from me. Just found her tonight thru the A-Man. I was hooked the minute I saw my two favorite old actresses featured on the blog page. Nope. Not going to tell you. Wouldn't be prudent. Go look for yourself and give her a hit. Honorable mention also is given to Dorothy Parker and Mae West. In other words, Pretty Snarky will probably be on my upcoming Blog Roll too. Yes, Christy. Definitely a deal!!!! BLOG SON has links, and links, and links. (Yet another) STORY OF TWO COWS DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you. SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around searching, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed by land mines while attempting to milk them. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one. NEW YORK CORPORATION You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas. [Thanks to Steve and Susan, Greensboro, NC] Wednesday, October 22, 2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHUCK MYGUTS! NEW NORTH STATE BLOGGER Federal Review hits the deck running: DEMOCRATS: "WE SUCK" Sen. Zell Miller (D-GA), the man who urged Bill Clinton to run 1992 was the keynoters at Bill's convention, is taking his party to the woodshed in his new book, A National Party No More: The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat. AND In a scathing rebuke to his own party, Andrew Cuomo is charging that Democrats are "lost in time," often appear "bloodless, soulless and clueless," and have "fumbled" their role in the post-9/11 world. FREE SPEECH MEANS SOMETIMES SAYING YOU'RE SORRY - - by Kathleen Parker "Speak incorrectly and ye shall be toast. So might go our lesson for the day as three high-profile figures recently have been taken down - their jobs lost or at risk - for saying something others considered offensive." [ via Betsy ] DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN? You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot? Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box? It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents? They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed . . . and they did? When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races? And people went steady? No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com AL QAIDA HACK ATTACK? Camilo, over at Mercurial, has some food for thought on the disappearing (or at least unattainable) blogs. NORTH STATE BLOGGERS Anyone from Windsor? Know this guy? STAY TUNED! Cletus says his Redneck werewolf story is so long that it will have to be stretched out over about two weeks. I think he is planning on finishing it about Halloween for dramatic effect. He started telling it to the BBQ Emporium denizens (good word for a scary story) this morning. CHIEF MISSUMDEER Chuck's story of why he couldn't get a deer with his bow and arrow is interesting reading -- if you care to hear excuses. Apparently those Alabama Indian genes have been watered down too much. But, Bless His Heart, you gotta give it to him. That boy just don't give up! AKA INDIGO Have heard nothing yet from The Other Indigo on The Other Ocean. You know, the one who is being victimized by Google? The Good Blog Son is trying to help, which is much appreciated. He will reach more people than I do. It's just not fair to The Other Indigo and I can't understand why Google is so messed up. Indigo Ocean's blog is pensive and interesting and deserves to be referenced correctly. (Have you visited her, BTW?) Wonder if Google mixes up the various bloggers who have "pundit" in their names. Naaaaaa. They're too tall. SPECIAL NEEDS? Marc the Spudlet Guy linked a potentially very helpful site that gives Top 100 Web Sites for "checking things out". You may want to check out the check-out site here. IMPORTANT PENDING LEGISLATION There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the "drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to go home hours after surgery against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN? All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? It took five minutes for the TV to warm up? Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? Nobody owned a purebred dog? When a quarter was a decent allowance? You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? All your male teachers wore neckties And female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! Tuesday, October 21, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com OYSTERS ARE BACK!!! I've lived either on the coast or less than two hours' drive from the coast all my life. I've always been able to get oysters in season and like them served any way but raw. Since the "out of season" has been extended an additional month here on the NC coast, by October 15 I'm craving like a pregnant mother of quads. My Domestic Goddess, aka Girl Friday, aka Dee, brought some "just pulled out of the water and shucked this morning" to me today. "Heaven! I'm in Heaven"!!! They were the absolute best I've ever eaten. And, yes, I ate them immediately! I was trying to figure out why these were so dang good and after I figured a while, it came to me. These were the first oysters I ever had right off the boat. Dee's family has commercial shrimp and oyster boats and I'd never had any that fresh before. Also, they were a bit smaller than they may be toward the end of the season and the smaller ones are tastier I think. Anyhow - yummmmmmmmmmm. I put in an order for a bushel for a roast later this month to enjoy with my pals. And to those of you who may not relate -- just think of the very best barbecue you've ever had. That would be the pig equivalent!! MOTHER TERESA The Misanthropyst links to Christopher Hitchins' Mommie Dearest. Like The Misanthropyst, I'm just doing the linking with no comment. See for yourself. It's possible that anything further I opine may be detrimental to my health! DOES EDUCATION MAKE BLACK PEOPLE CRAZY? Robert, The Mulatto Advocate spotlights Roger Clegg's Does Education Make Black People Crazy? Both Mr. Clegg's treatise and The Advocate's responses are worth your time to read. I must amend The Advocate's final point, however. As much as Colin Powell and Condi Rice are admired as positive role models and are certainly to be recognized as such, there are thousands and thousands of "silent majority" black role models in our country. These black men and women are serving in small communities, cities, and state legislatures across the nation with little or no recognition or fanfare. So will someone explain to this old honky lady why these unsung role models are not appreciated more, and charlatans like Jackson and Sharpton are looked up to? LAST NIGHT'S NON-WORKING LINKS South Knox Bubba, Jay Solo, Denny Wilson, Sam's River, Peoria Pundit, Alphecca, Margi Lowry, Rachel Lucas, Robert Prather, Rottweiler Man, Ain't Done It, Say Uncle, On the Third Hand, and Gut Rumbles were closed to me last night. Many of these finally came up after 10:30, but for over three hours it was impossible for me to access these sites. This also happened Friday night. Some of the same blogs too. Road Runner is working fine. So what's up with this? Anyone know? UPDATE: Could this be the reason? MORE PUBLIC SCHOOL GRADS' STORIES IDIOTS IN SERVICE: This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOT SIGHTING #1 I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." IDIOT SIGHTING #2 The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?" IDIOT SIGHTING #3 At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. IDIOT SIGHTING #4 I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. IDIOT SIGHTING #5 (THE BEST EXAMPLE) When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." Monday, October 20, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com ACCORDING TO THE QURAN The latest Urban Legends update has set the record straight on the Quran and the eagle. Apparently, I missed it on the first go-around. Sorry about that September 29 post. See here for the snopes version. LEFT IS STRANGE You may not agree with a lot of the political leanings on Left Is Right , but I have to give it to him that he has the most unique mascot I've seen on the Blogosphere. Read about Mike the Headless Chicken here and listen to his theme song, if you have time. (I can't help but wonder if Headless Chickens gravitate to the Left, or if the Left searches them out. Probably another hoax, but those pics are really convincing.) WATCH BLOG Here's a good place to visit for political diversity -- in case you're interested in an opinion other than your own. "WatchBlog is a multiple-editor weblog broken up into three major political affiliations, each with its own blog: the Democrats, the Republicans and the Third Party (covering everything outside the two major parties). Let's face it, politics are confusing. Sometimes it's difficult to know who to believe, who to listen to and who to support. We're here to help. Posting on a regular basis are editors representing each major party. Stay informed." BLACK AND WHITE (Under age 40? You might not understand) You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go; Pull a chair up to the TV set, "Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet." Depending on the channel you tuned, You got Rob and Laura - or Ward and June; It felt so good. It felt so right, Life looked better in black and white. I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys, Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys; Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane. Father Knows Best, Patty Duke, Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too; Donna Reed on Thursday night! -- Life looked better in black and white. I wanna go back to black and white, Everything always turned out right; Simple people, simple lives... Good guys always won the fights. Now nothing is the way it seems, In living color on the TV screen; Too many murders, too many fights, I wanna go back to black and white. In God they trusted; alone in bed they slept, A promise made was a promise kept; They never cussed or broke their vows, They'd never make the network now. But if I could, I'd rather be, In a TV town in '53; It felt so good. It felt so right, Life looked better in black and white. I'd trade all the channels on the satellite, If I could just turn back the clock tonight; To when everybody knew wrong from right, Life was better in black and white. In the mail box from Christina, Swansboro, NC [Indigo: I remember it well. But I don't remember "black" in 1953. The first prime time tv show to feature a black actor was "I Spy" with Bill Cosby in 1965. Now, THAT was Shock and Awe!! heh] Sunday, October 19, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com SUNDAY INDIGO-LIGHT SPECIALS WHAT MAKES A PERSON RICH? One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are." Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. THROUGH A CHILD’S MIND + A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." + The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" + A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" SHIRLEY GOODNEST Timmy was a five year old boy. His mother loved him very much. A worrier, she was concerned when he started kindergarten about his walking to school. She walked him to school for a couple of days, but one day he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the "big boys." She had an idea how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, to follow her son surreptitiously to school, at a distance that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well. The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl Marcy set out behind Timmy as he walked to school with another boy. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's friend noticed that a lady was following them every day all week. Finally, he asked Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us? Do you know her?" Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is." "Well, who is she?" "That's Shirley Goodnest," Timmy said. "Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she, and why is she following us?" "Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm 'cuz she worries about me so much. And the psalm says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it." Friday, October 17, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com GOOGLING Google has really done a job on mixing up citations between Indigo Ocean and me. I noticed several searches linking back to Indigo Insights about subjects that had never appeared on Insights. Two that come to mind were "freon" and "Haiti". I caught on to the screw-up when "I'm black" appeared on an Insights Google. I've visited Indigo Ocean's blog from time to time. Her picture appears and it ain't me!! She's a lovely, young, black woman, and I'm a worn-out, old, Caucasian sea hag. If I were the Ocean lady I'd complain to Google!!! (no kidding, Indigo Ocean!) FAME CAN PENALIZE YOUR FANS Last night I tried, unsuccessfully, for over two hours to get to On The Third Hand, Gut Rumbles, Jay Solo, Grouchy Old Cripple, South Knox Bubba, Rachel Lucas, Ain't Done It, Say Uncle, Stars N Stripes, Rottweiler Man, and A Small Victory. These popular sites didn't miss one more hit, of course. But I missed visiting them. Does this mean that I have impeccable taste in blogs? Or that the Cyber Gods are PO'd at me again? [These folks don't need the traffic, hence I'm skipping the linking work.] MONKEYING AROUND The Monkey Man has a great essay on self-examination. Go here and read Bias And Blame . It will make you take a new look at yourself. PEACE A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'" ONE FOR THE DOCTORS A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'." Thursday, October 16, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com WHY WE NEED LAWYERS $$ January 2000. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son. $$ June 1998. Nineteen-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over Carl's hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice that someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal. $$ October 1998. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was exiting a house he had finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up as the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door between the garage and the house had locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr.Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance company, claiming the situation had caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change. $$ October 1999. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard. Mr. Williams was also in the yard. The award was less than the amount sought because the jury felt that the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams, who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun. $$ May 2000. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. $$ December 1997. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two front teeth. This occurred when Ms. Walton was trying to sneak out through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. [These cases are not current. I'm hoping our attorney bloggers with the good senses of humor will post some up to date decisions.] MYSTICAL BALL Another wondrous mind trick. This one from my #3 Grandson in Greenville. Glad he didn't ask me to explain it!!! (Hey, Uncle Possum!! Another ball for your collection.) LINKING BALL A day without Betsy's links is just not an option. Check these out from yesterday as starters. Then read today. When the Spinning Stops The Artist Formerly Known as Prince is now going door-to-door to proselytize. (scroll to it here) SKB links Families bid the long goodbye to soldiers Sugarmama rants one of my favorite peeves. All I can say is DITTO - which is probably not PC to use right now! heh Jay Solo apologizes for "light posting", even tho he typed all night. Yes, McGehee, I remember the song! (I've already had my say several times on "second-hand smoke", so I make NC on that!) Denny Wilson has a lot to say about equality of the genders -- but don't go there unless you are prepared to read it like it is! Baldilocks reflects on her military career on the occasion of her retirement. HOW BIG IS A BILLION? ~ A billion seconds ago it was 1972. ~ A billion minutes ago people who had seen Jesus were still alive. ~ A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. ~ A billion dollars ago was only 4 hours and 10 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it. Wednesday, October 15, 2003
indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com DRINK, ANYONE? Most of my television viewing is late night. That's when all the eye-glazing stuff is gone away and interesting replays can be seen on the History Channel, A&E, Learning Channel, PBS, National Geographic, etc. No channel can hold my interest during a commercial, however. I have a "Mute" button implanted in a tooth filling and all I have to do is touch that tooth with the tip of my tongue and I'm tuned completely out until the show resumes. Anyhow, I had been touching my Mute Tooth for several showings of a certain commercial when one night I realized what it was really all about. I had erroneously assumed this was one of the endless promos for yet another ennui-laden sit-com until the night I paid attention. Have you seen the "Bacardi and Cola" ad? Don't you think it's possible to assume it's another silly promo and divert your mind to something else? That's what I had been doing for weeks until I watched it and finally noticed that those two super cool guys were doing a Barcardi rum commercial. WHAT? Alcohol advertising has been illegal on television for years, hasn't it? Well, is it or not? A couple of weeks later, another commercial filtered through my Mute Tooth and I was watching a group of young adults on a European jaunt trying to find the train to Prague. They got on the wrong train, but toasted their Barcelona destination with Southern Gentleman anyhow. That jogged my memory to a formerly suppressed ad I had seen for Bailey's. Hmmm, says I. That's alcohol too. So, about an hour ago, Jack Daniels made an appearance during the evening news. That was when I decided I should ask you blogging pals if you are seeing alcohol - the hard stuff - on TV commercials in your area. Just wondering if the law had been changed, is all. It seems to be another incongruity of our laws, if, in fact. the law is still in effect. Personally, a little Bailey is right nice sometime and the ad reminded me that there's none in the house. I'd just like to know what the law says this week. Monday, October 13, 2003
SAVED BY THE CHUCKSTER OK. I admit it. I don't always pay close attention. That's why I need Chuck. For instance, he pointed out to me today that Say Uncle had added me to his blogroll on October 8. Super cool. Thanks, Uncle. I could say 'I'm not worthy', but then you know that and chose to add me anyhow!! TODAY'S THOMAS "The time is long overdue to get rid of the outdated notion that liberal Democrats represent ordinary people. They represent such special interests as trial lawyers who keep our courts clogged with frivolous lawsuits, busybody environmentalists who think the government should force other people to live the way the greens want them to live, and of course the teachers' unions who think schools exist to provide their members with jobs." Where can we find more of these guys? TODAY IN HISTORY The cornerstone of the White House was laid on October 13, 1792. OK. So file it under "W". THE LOATHING OF LIMBAUGH Some commenters at South Knox Bubba's have proudly announced their satisfaction at the "comeuppance" of Rush Limbaugh. I don't care about Limbaugh's politics (nor theirs) and do not listen to his radio show. But I say unequivocally that had his detractors ever suffered unrelenting pain, they would have an entirely different perspective. I don't mean a headache, or a toothache, or a pulled muscle, or even the dreaded tennis elbow. I'm talking about constant pain for weeks or months. Like Kim du Toit, I had decided not to post on this subject, but I did leave a comment at Bubba's - actually, more of an appeal for a little compassion to another human being, be he Democrat or Republican. What I said was: "Forget politics for a moment and think of someone you have known who has had "corrective" back surgery. A misnomer, BTW. Did anyone you know ever become addicted and die - other than Agin Lib? I had vertebra surgery two years ago and haven't been out of pain since. I've learned to live with it, but I don't have a demanding schedule like TV people. A 40 year old friend of mine had back surgery two years ago and died nine months later due to complications from oxycontin. Sounds like most of you guys need to take a walk in a pain-sufferer's moccasins. Or is your venom attributable to your dislike of the man? Could you feel an ounce of compassion for, say, Raymond?" Russ Emerson had a life experience with pain killers to share. "In 1973, when I was 11 years old, my father (aged 37 - four years younger than I am at this writing) had surgery on his lower back for a disc problem. He was better, but back problems tend to never go away. A number of years later, I had injured a knee and was having surgery of my own, courtesy of Uncle Sam, and Dad told me a story about his own stay in the hospital." Please go to TacJammer and read the rest of his story. Kim du Toit said "There is no more debilitating and frightening monster in the human condition as chronic physical pain. ... Constant, unending pain means you don't sleep -- I may have had three hours sleep a week, total, at one point. That pain means you can't think -- I couldn't read, or watch TV, or carry a conversation." Kim also gave an ominous warning to those who "don't know what the hell you're talking about" in regard to addictions due to pain. Read his post in its entirety too. If you've never experienced unrelenting pain and have no concept of its pitiless torture, just consider yourself fortunate. Don't gloat, please. REVOLTING RACISM For another appalling look into the hatefulness of human nature, read the ongoing S-Train saga of a man who protected his home, wife and children from intruders and somehow this has turned into yet another racial brouhaha. Juliette of Baldilocks has her say on the matter here, but if you want a more bucolic take, go to Glenn's house and follow his links. This will doubtlessly be another long-running item. Stay updated if you intend to comment, or endure the consequences. Like Kim, Glenn is taking no prisoners. And neither of them suffer fools. Donnie raises some good points. And Acidman has opinions too. Thought for the Day: "When life hands you lemons - Grab the salt & pass the tequila, baby..." STORIES OF THE HEART Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward it to anyone you know who might need a lift today! "Dear Safety Harbor Middle School; "God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens' luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. "My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said f*#% you." Thank you for that opportunity. Sincerely, Edna Walters [and thanks to Bob, Kinston, NC] Sunday, October 12, 2003
SUNDAY INDIGO-LIGHT SPECIALS Dedicated to Whit Feel better real soon, Dear One. PRAYER ~Father-Mother-God, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children. ~Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester. ~Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day, is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares. ~Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together. ~Heavenly Creator, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to alL humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and caring. ANSWERED PRAYER A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy for some medication for her daughter. Upon returning to her car, she found she had locked her keys inside. She had to get home to her sick daughter, and didn't know what to do. She called home and the baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse. The baby sitter suggested that she get a coat hanger to unlock the door. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground, as if someone else had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God for help. An old rusty car pulled up, driven by a dirty, greasy, bearded man with a biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "Great God. This is what you sent to help me????" But she was desperate, and thankful. The man got out of his car and asked if he could help. She said "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?" He said, "SURE." and walked over to the car. In seconds the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, THANK YOU SO MUCH.... You are a very nice man." The man replied, "Lady, I ain't a nice man. I just got out of prison for car theft." The woman hugged the man again and cried out loud..... "THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME A PROFESSIONAL” HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH ~~Standing for what you believe in regardless of the odds against you, and the pressure that tears at your resistance ...is Courage. ~~Keeping a smile on your face for the sake of supporting others, when inside you feel like dying ...is Strength. ~~Stopping at nothing and doing what's in your heart that you know is right ...is Determination. ~~Doing more than is expected to make another's life a little more bearable, without uttering a single complaint ...is Compassion. ~~Helping a friend in need, no matter the time or effort, to the best of your ability ...is Loyalty. ~~Holding your head high And being the best you know you can be when life seems to fall apart at your feet; facing each difficulty with the confidence that time will bring you better tomorrows, And never giving up... ...is Confidence. HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER EVERY DAY! FROM ANONYMOUS MOM I had been teaching my three-year old daughter the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat the lines from the prayer after me. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into timptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail. Amen." MUD PUDDLES AND DANDELIONS When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard. My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on. When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back. When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own. When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing. When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy." When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross and worms to play with. I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. So I wish you BIG MUD PUDDLES and SUNNY YELLOW DANDELIONS !!!!! Friday, October 10, 2003
KRISPY KREME BILLBOARD Don't miss it at Grouchy Old Cripple. Billboard #5!! Made my mouth water!!!! heh ATTENTION PARENTS (especially Dads) Please, PLEASE, go here and follow thru the whole thing. Don't let the McDonald's golden arches deter you. It's a very brief part. Have a box of Kleenex handy. Thursday, October 09, 2003
DEARTH There's nothing here. Nothing new. Nothing to say. Nothing exciting. Nothing that motivates me. Nothing I want to comment on. I am in a Doldrum of Dearth. However, since Chuck Myguts is away on one of his notorious fishing trips this week and Compleat Redneck is so busy, it may be a good time to get the Redneckery blog up. I didn't want to hurt their feelings with this one and hopefully they'll miss it. Good. So, without further ado, here's a clean sweep on the accumulated Redneck Material. REDNECKERY You Know You're A Redneck When...... > The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. > You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. > You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws > You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. > Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." > You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. > Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this." > You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. > Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. > Your junior prom had a daycare. > You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines." > You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. > One of your kids was born on a pool table. > You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. > You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. > You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. > Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs. You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If: ~The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. ~People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. ~When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering;" five guys and two women stand up. ~Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. ~A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ~The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." ~Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion. ~In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. ~Baptism is referred to as "branding." ~There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. ~High notes on the organ set the dogs to howling. ~People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. ~The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized livestock watering trough. ~The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. ~The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. Redneck Driving Etiquette > Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. > When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. > Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. > When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. > Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. > Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. > Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. Redneck Personal Hygiene > Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item. > If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. > While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. > Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. (Note: It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.) Redneck Dining Out > Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours. STORY OF THREE DEAD BODIES Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector." says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy Bob, the redneck from Alabama, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." BUBBA AND JIMMY JOE One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?" "Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied. "She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" "Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'. So I took the truck!" "Bubba, you're a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!" THE COLLEGE REDNECK A professor at the University of West Virginia is giving a lecture on the supernatural.To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,do any of you think you've seen a ghost.?” About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands. “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic.” said the professor, “But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Billy Bob, way in the back of the lecture hall, raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. As he reached the front of the room, the professor says, "Well, so tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." "Welllllll Shiiiiiit!!!!” says Joe Bob. “From way back thar I thought you said Goats!!!!!” [Thank goodness Chuck and Billy Joe Bob missed these.] Sunday, October 05, 2003
A LA BETSY'S PAGE Today Betsy Newmark uses her page to bring together observations on the California Cluster from various writers' perspectives. I don't know how she covers so much ground - like the entire earth - and have a life of her own. But kudos to Betsy and thanks for all her work. As previously stated, Indigo Insights is redundant for the masses inasmuch as they are reading blogs from serious pundits. Indigo Insights is a place where my readers (mostly friends and family) can find paths to information they would otherwise miss. So please see the following from Betsy's Page. Visit the linked pages and read as much as you have time for. Jill Stewart Since at least 1997, the Times has been sitting on information that Gov. Gray Davis is an "office batterer" who has attacked female members of his staff, thrown objects at subservients and launched into red-faced fits, screaming the f-word until staffers cower. [Indigo: Juxtapose this to the "righteous indignation" Gov. Gray showed to tv cameras regarding Schwarzenegger's behavior.] And Andrew Sullivan finds differences between Clinton and Arnold. What's the difference, some ask? Item one: Clinton was faced with actual civil lawsuits, claiming sexual harrassment. Once private life gets dragged into the courts, the press has no option but to cover it. Item two: most of Clinton's sexual targets were women who worked for him or were under his direct authority. Some of Arnold's targets were on movie sets where he certainly had social power but where he was, as far as I know, not the owner or direct boss. Item three: none of Arnold's incidents involve actual sex, or exposure of sex organs, or alleged rape, whereas Clinton's did. Item four: Arnold has fessed up. Clinton lied under oath. Item five: Arnold hasn't exactly gone around saying he is a champion of women's rights and the dignity of women. Clinton did. Item six: all of Arnold's incidents were one-off. Clinton, for the most part, pursued the same women over time. That said, they're not entirely different. If Clinton hadn't had to deal with a lawsuit or two, I'd have had a very similar response. In fact, in the early days, I refused to cover the Gennifer Flowers stuff at the New Republic for exactly those reasons. But when the lawsuits occurred and the full extent of Clinton's abuse of public office for sexual harrassment purposes became clear, I think the situation changed. Clinton used state troopers and federal buildings to abuse and manipulate women. So far, Arnold has been a private citizen. Moreover, after the early Sixty Minutes interview where Clinton telegraphed that all this was over, I was more than happy to let this stuff pass (remember I endorsed Clinton in 1992). But it was when it was apparent that he had lied in that interview and continued his lies and sexual abuse in office that I realized we had a sociopath in the White House. So here's a promise: if Arnold gets elected and any of these incidents recur, I'll hammer him. Until then, his honesty, apology and promise get him a pass from me. Dennis Miller says Hey get this… I want to talk about voting. Since the recall in California is coming up, we’ll use that for purposes of our tutorial. The lesson to be learned is this: If you are too stupid to vote correctly, don’t vote! Joseph Honig looks at how easy we make it in this country to have voter fraud. In a nation with a long and storied tradition of election fraud -- from New York's Boss Tweed to Chicago's Richard J. Daley -- we are still an honor-system democracy. Here in California -- with millions of illegal residents among us -- registrars require no proof of United States citizenship. No birth certificates or naturalization papers. Tammy Bruce, a former head of the Los Angeles branch of NOW, is appalled that women who defended Clinton's abuse of women are now so shocked by Schwarzenegger. REMEMBER: Follow the links for the entire articles. Saturday, October 04, 2003
THE EYES HAVE IT Probably should reject this one as being too weird for Indigo. But, what the hey!, McGehee said I was one of a kind. Now I have a reputation to live up to. See here. (pun intended! heh) ANNOUNCEMENT Alphecca Jeff says he may be rescheduling his blogging. Maybe just a Monday Report for a while. Sounds like he’s a bit bogged down with time-drains right now. Fine. I can deal with that. Go over and read his proposed new plan and email him your opinion. He’s requested it. GOOD ONE I just love this quote from Sam’s page. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." --Rita Mae Brown CHICKEN (yeah, ME) While our attorney friends are at the ball games of their respective Alma Maters, I’m sneaking in this little funny. There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak -- pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks. While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the bath cleaning the tub. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said, at which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, “FOR CRYING OUT LOUD - - DON’T YOU EVER STOP?” MAIL BOX Dear Indigo: Please take the time to read this. I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that". After reading, forward it to someone you care about. Never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in. 1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! 2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives. 4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit. (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. 5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: a. Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. 7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN! 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry. From Christina, Swansboro, NC Ping, please! Friday, October 03, 2003
QUOTES AGAIN Today snopes.com has come out of the filing cabinet with a ‘detailed’ synopsis of the statements made by Democratic leaders about Saddam Hussein's acquisition or possession of weapons of mass destruction. From the timeliness of the snopes.com report, I’d guess they must have received a lot of inquires on the “alleged” (?) quotes. Snopes is characteristically equitable and balanced in the reporting of their research, and here they give the context in which the statements were made. Could be more information than you’d ever want – but interesting. PRESCRIPTION DRUGS KILL TOO Yesterday, I left a comment at Peoria Pundit, springboarding from the Rush Limbaugh bombshell, regarding prescription drug dependence. Still thinking about this societal problem this morning, I decided to paste my personal experience here on Indigo for my relatives who may not see Peoria Pundit. Ergo: Prescription drug abuse is rampant in our country. A 40-year old friend of mine died last year 9 months after back surgery. One complication after another kept her on oxycontin so long that heavy dosage finally stopped her heart. She DID NOT have a heart attack. Nor was it an inadvertent OD. According to autopsy, her heart slowed down so much from the drug, that there was not enough oxygen getting pumped to keep her alive. Cause of death was "lung failure". It still makes me sad. Posted by: Indigo on Oct 02, 03 | 5:00 pm MARINES, OF COURSE Found this on Mulatto Advocate. A good read. Thanks for the link, Robert. Thursday, October 02, 2003
HOW A MAN'S MIND REALLY WORKS “The male brain secretes less of the powerful primary bonding chemical oxytocin and less of the calming chemical serotonin than the female brain.“ Thanks to Possum Man for this link. I’ve always been mystified about this and even at this advanced age, it was still a conundrum. Now I am enlightened. My advice to young females: Learn this while you’re young and save yourself a lot of bewilderment in life. KRISPY IRONY American Journalism Review assistant managing editor Jill Rosen goes on-and-on for 1,365 words ranting about how much puffy coverage Krispy Kreme gets. That's right: 1,365 words to explain how there is too much being written about Krispy Kreme donuts. She seems outraged. She seems flummoxed. She seems verbose. She seems eating-disordered. Hey, Jill. Don't blame the media for all the Krispy Kreme coverage. It's the public: coverage of Krispy Kreme is what they want. And they want it HOT! And if you don't like it, well, I suggest you not turn in a 1,365-word story on it that will generate even more coverage trying to explain to you why reporters write stories about one of life's greatest joys. This Krispy Kreme news bulletin is furnished by Rex, newly inducted into the Rocky Top Brigade. Krispy Kreme is required eating for members of North State Bloggers. We need to stay current! >^..^< PUSSYFOOTIN’ >^..^< Stars 'n Stripes has a great link from an Army Reservist's wife, dated Sept. 30. See SNAFU here. >^..^< Yorkie Lady and Billy Joe Bob and the folks at the BBQ Emporium are taking a rest. Check back with them in a few days. >^..^< Small World Department: DT Man turns out to be my neighbor!!! >^..^< Joe Maller posted on Horsefeathers (9/28/03) that regarding the WMD quotes list: “I think this list originated here. Each quote is sourced, many to congressional or State Dept. transcripts. The sources are important and should be linked to bolster credibility.” [It’s a good page to print out – or email. Check it out, Sam.] FUN IN THE MAIL BOX Okay, all you mathematical and software geniuses out there, figure this one out. How do they do this? Click on this. Then click on the little guy on the right bottom corner to go to the next page. This is too good to miss! If you figure it out, let me know. It’s BY FAR the best puzzle I have ever received...You will love it. (I think) [from Carolyn, Wallace, NC] Color Test [from Bob, Kinston, NC] Now, this is what a computer is supposed to do! Click on this link and then type in your first name... [from John, New Jersey] There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2035, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. [from Greg, Ayden, NC] Wednesday, October 01, 2003
OCTOBER BLOGROLL Until a permanent blogroll gets up (I think Jesus is bringing some links!) the first day of the month is Update Blog Roll Day. Email address: indigoinsights [at] hotmail [dot] com KAFFEEKLATSCHERS redneckin Possumblog South Knox Bubba Compleat Redneck Gone South Yorkieblog Jay Solo Kevin McGehee Zone Denny Wilson Trojan Horseshoes Last Man Dancing Da Goddess Sam's River Mulatto Advocate Peoria Pundit Alphecca Margi Lowry Ocean Guy Rachel Lucas Black Glenn Thomas Sowell Best of the Web Today in History WELCOME THE FOLLOWING NEW GUYS Ain't Done It Baldilocks Say Uncle On The Third Hand Stars N Stripes |